Mental health

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Sun Apr 11, 2021 5:58 pm

That sounds familiar! I have no answers but do sympathize! I think we're going to learn a lot in hindsight about some of these cognitive effects the pandemic experience has had on many people. Ugh

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Tue Apr 13, 2021 4:03 pm

I simply can't do all the things that I need to do. But they need to get done, and no one else will do them.

Every time I think things are getting better with one member of the family, someone else breaks down.

And I'm not even talking about my own mental fucked-uppedness.

I feel like I might crack under the pressure.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Fri Apr 16, 2021 2:10 am

Akiva wrote: ↑Tue Apr 13, 2021 4:03 pm I simply can't do all the things that I need to do. But they need to get done, and no one else will do them.

This is it, this is exactly, completely it!!!! I so understand why you may feel like you could crack from such pressure but like the tender sapling or graceful willow you will bend in the winds, bend into the winds. The winds will slow down eventually, even if briefly. I'm sorry it is misery. April is a rough month.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Fri Apr 16, 2021 7:00 am

Phoebe wrote: ↑Fri Apr 16, 2021 2:10 am
Akiva wrote: ↑Tue Apr 13, 2021 4:03 pm I simply can't do all the things that I need to do. But they need to get done, and no one else will do them.

This is it, this is exactly, completely it!!!! I so understand why you may feel like you could crack from such pressure but like the tender sapling or graceful willow you will bend in the winds, bend into the winds. The winds will slow down eventually, even if briefly. I'm sorry it is misery. April is a rough month.

Thanks. Although I don't think anyone has ever described me as "graceful."

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Fri Apr 16, 2021 7:00 am

Phoebe wrote: ↑Fri Apr 16, 2021 2:10 am
Akiva wrote: ↑Tue Apr 13, 2021 4:03 pm I simply can't do all the things that I need to do. But they need to get done, and no one else will do them.

This is it, this is exactly, completely it!!!! I so understand why you may feel like you could crack from such pressure but like the tender sapling or graceful willow you will bend in the winds, bend into the winds. The winds will slow down eventually, even if briefly. I'm sorry it is misery. April is a rough month.

Thanks. Although I don't think anyone has ever described me as "graceful."

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Sat Apr 17, 2021 10:36 am

Feeling good this morning—beautiful day out, and the coffee tastes great.

I hope it lasts.

Eliahad · Post by **Eliahad** » Sat Apr 17, 2021 1:47 pm

Akiva wrote: ↑Sat Apr 17, 2021 10:36 am Feeling good this morning—beautiful day out, and the coffee tastes great.

I hope it lasts.

I'm really glad you're having a good day.

That second phrase you included? You didn't need to say it. You don't even have to accept it. Take the mental practice of noticing what things are good and then stop. No qualifiers. No adjustments. Say, "This is good and I shall enjoy it's goodness."

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Sat Apr 17, 2021 2:01 pm

Eliahad wrote: ↑Sat Apr 17, 2021 1:47 pm
Akiva wrote: ↑Sat Apr 17, 2021 10:36 am Feeling good this morning—beautiful day out, and the coffee tastes great.

I hope it lasts.
I'm really glad you're having a good day.

That second phrase you included? You didn't need to say it. You don't even have to accept it. Take the mental practice of noticing what things are good and then stop. No qualifiers. No adjustments. Say, "This is good and I shall enjoy it's goodness."

Reminds me of Goethe’s Faust—he sells his soul because he wants to find a single moment of which he can say “Stay, you are so beautiful.”

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Sun Apr 18, 2021 6:54 pm

I just want to chop off about half my ponytail. But I get that it's a bad impulse and wrong and must not be done. I can't stand having all this hair and strongly desire to chop it. Nooooooooooo

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Tue Apr 20, 2021 7:03 am

Akiva wrote: ↑Sat Apr 17, 2021 10:36 am Feeling good this morning—beautiful day out, and the coffee tastes great.

I hope it lasts.

And . . . it's gone.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Thu Apr 22, 2021 9:19 am

I'm growing impatient with the inequitable circumstances of my day to day living, yet in general a lead a spoiled and luxurious existence so it is tolerable despite the on-paper glaring issues. However, this morning I have decided that if Tim Sweeney is a hetero single male, I should not settle for anything below that standard measure of quality. I have been locked in a kind of doom spiral with my husband for over a week insofar as we were both (haha "both") too busy to hit up the grocery store and eventually we ran out of both Diet Coke and Milk. The question was who would crack first in this game of beverage chicken? You know I was serious because I went without coffee and even resorted to getting my kid breakfast at McDonalds to avoid the need for home breakfast. But today, people, proud nerds, any fellow dairy-lovers, I cracked. I got donuts for my daughter since she could not have cereal and milk. I got six donuts for five people and it was made crystal clear one of them was MINE. I did not eat a donut. I broke down and went to the grocery store so I could have milk with my coffee and donut. I come home from dropping the kid off at school and where is my donut? Where??? GONE and then the offender wants to hug that shit out like a hug from any Ariana Grande type donut criminal would be desired by me! Thief, I can achieve 99.8% autoerotic fruition just by thinking about Tim Sweeney's adorable FACE that looks sort of like a baby koala except if it were a sexxxxxy and possibly satisfyingly thicc middle aged man fighting our corporate monopoly overlords armed only with his genius. I have not showered in three days. I can't even manage to drink alcohol in quantity. I'm going to go do my workout now and destroy things.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Thu Apr 22, 2021 9:38 pm

Ah yes, forgot about this outpouring to the winds in an effort to restore "mental health". We need to achieve something you might call "gender equity" in the life, the home, etc. but you know, one keeps on trying. I did in fact destroy the workout; my time for this standard HIIT workout was about 25% slower than last year at this time, but it felt fine and the foundation seemed good, beneath the squishy veneer of pandemic hibernation fat. Will do it again tomorrow. I ate blackberries and spicy veggie soup and salad. I will restore order to all the madness. The laundry must wait until about two weeks from now to get folded, but look, here it is washed and vaguely sorted.
In the series of ups and downs, today was up so let's hope it's stuck there.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Sat May 29, 2021 9:41 am

Akiva wrote: ↑Tue Apr 13, 2021 4:03 pm I simply can't do all the things that I need to do. But they need to get done, and no one else will do them.

Every time I think things are getting better with one member of the family, someone else breaks down.

And I'm not even talking about my own mental fucked-uppedness.

I feel like I might crack under the pressure.

Just re-upping this since it’s always true, and it’s no fun. My weekend is off to a bad start.

Mando · Post by **Mando** » Sat May 29, 2021 9:54 pm

I have been tormented by my supervisor or "Lead" for 12 years. I finally gave up on trying to help him be better, giving him second chances, etc. I had even talked myself into thinking his horribleness was all in my head...until others saw it too. i finally learned that he will not be going anywhere in th company ..no transfers or promotions...because he has a letter in his file and has burned bridges. His chucklehead superiors are doing nothing about it either. This past December I finally had enough...I even prayed that like Moses I wanted to leave my own Egypt...I scrolled down my email and there it was, an opening for transfer at the company. I took this as my own sign and accepted the offer even though it was a slight paycut. I have never been more content and happy about my work...This has brought me back from the horrible place I was stuck in mentally. While not real mental health issues it was something I wanted to share and you all seem like good listeners. Thanks.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Sun May 30, 2021 7:01 pm

That is actually a very inspiring story. You were miserable, you found an opening to change it, you burst through the opening, and found yourself in the happy place. A hopeful story!

Another resident of my building has purchased an amplifier, and is now using it to sing Soundgarden at a high volume. This could be negative from the perspective of mental health, but it also frees a person to live their life in whatever way, pursuing aesthetic enjoyments rather than the production of folded laundry, because you're permitted to do that under the circumstances.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Tue Jun 01, 2021 11:00 am

It's kind of amazing how an event that one person remembers as a shattering event that will haunt him for the rest of his life, while others barely remember it all.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Tue Jun 01, 2021 1:01 pm

This is quite a thing, yes. I was just talking to my husband about the phenomenon of "obsessive rumination" that arises unbidden and is not controllable other than to adopt a (Zen?) mode of letting the thoughts flow along by, marked as present without further judgment. The subject came up because we were driving and for some reason my brain was seized with anxiety about failure to properly perform the high notes in a song in a musical theatre audition I had when I was thirteen (13). Why this should come up, who can say? One can only raise the eyebrows and let the thought roll on through like water, meandering by taking its time. I frequently revisit - without desiring to! - the endless shame resulting from the bartender erroneously charging some guests for soda at my wedding before we arrived at the reception. This ridiculous but disturbing fact occupies an entire rent-free apartment in my brain for reasons that make NO SENSE. Likewise the brain likes to revisit conversations that had unfortunate outcomes, and it has a whole category of "being falsely accused of fairly awful things that I simply did not do and have no way of demonstrating that I did not do", as well as a room of "encounters with bad people, filed for future utility".

Having such things classified, as you put it, as "shattering events" might affect other aspects of life, perhaps negatively - like the overestimation of the dangers of encounters with other people, or the defensive overreaction to being unjustly criticized for things. Maybe soon I will have fixed all these things by simply drifting along in the stream of thoughts in a comfortable innertube - this goal is maybe 88% complete. People get pissed when you're like this, however, because they find you insufficiently responsive to stream-blocking interferences.

A guy named Tim Kreider has written an article for the Atlantic about how he has misgivings (to put it lightly) about "re-entering society" or "returning to normal". Normal wasn't very pleasant; the last year underscored that for a lot of us since we were able to escape many of the things we disliked about "normal", and now many wish not to return to that place. I am one of them.

I have no desire to have useless in-person meetings, in particular, but at the same time, I desire to have efficient in-person meetings when it actually matters! It seems clear to me what the difference is and how much people like to meet for the sheer sake of meeting even when there is no point to it. I suspect massive productivity is lost because of this, because instead of simply taking 15 minutes to recover from the physical and mental taxation of focusing on the Work and then returning refreshed to the Work, one loses 90 minutes to bullshit and then needs 30 minutes to recover from that alone.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Tue Jun 01, 2021 1:27 pm

Phoebe wrote: ↑Tue Jun 01, 2021 1:01 pmHaving such things classified, as you put it, as "shattering events" might affect other aspects of life, perhaps negatively - like the overestimation of the dangers of encounters with other people, or the defensive overreaction to being unjustly criticized for things.

Or perhaps ratcheting up self-hatred to a new feverish level? That haunts that person 'til the day he dies? I guess that could happen, right?

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Wed Jun 02, 2021 12:56 am

It could! However, I like to look at it this way: doing or saying something regrettable might lead to negative consequences or misery. You could then hate yourself in an extra layer of blame on top of misery, or you can scrape off that pointless frosting and simply enjoy the trash cake you're already eating!
Since this suggestion is obviously doomed to failure, a better suggestion I've worked hard at is to manifest real physical cakes and eat them until you feel better.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Wed Jun 02, 2021 7:31 am

Phoebe wrote: ↑Wed Jun 02, 2021 12:56 am It could! However, I like to look at it this way: doing or saying something regrettable might lead to negative consequences or misery.

Not so much saying something regrettable; more about the response to what was said. From a person I wish I'd never met. Also utterly predictable.

You could then hate yourself in an extra layer of blame on top of misery,

Done! Great advice!

or you can scrape off that pointless frosting and simply enjoy the trash cake you're already eating!

Oh, there was more advice . . . that seems like advice I can't follow.

Since this suggestion is obviously doomed to failure, a better suggestion I've worked hard at is to manifest real physical cakes and eat them until you feel better.

Now I want cake and I don't have any. Thanks a lot, Obamacare.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Wed Jun 02, 2021 4:04 pm

If we cared about people's health in this country there would be free cakes for everyone.

Mando · Post by **Mando** » Mon Jun 07, 2021 6:30 pm

Had the best night of sleep in 7 months thanks to the boss change. I never knew what stress I was under. Also all my kids are getting some sort of therapy 2 with anxiety and ADHD and one with depression. I have to wonder about myself now ...

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Sun Jun 13, 2021 1:39 pm

1. People who bring gum in the house. We are all plenty old enough to know better, to care about our dogs, and to function properly most of the time. I find this difficult but not impossible to forgive, especially with repentance and penalty.
2. People who blame me for getting mad about it.
Decided to end it here and be done. No point chewing it over.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Wed Jun 16, 2021 10:18 am

Last day of school.

Still feeling like I want to be someone else.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Fri Jun 25, 2021 10:54 am

Consider that you could have emerged as a creature of maga. I like you the way you are! Stay that way! My relatives from one particular maga branch of the family are full bats*** crazy in the medical sense of the word but also in a sense for which they are ethically responsible, and they've been doing and saying so many things, and that's all I'm at liberty to report about that. In the past I was very tolerant of their foibles in the sense that I either kept talking to them or then just left them alone. But do not come and f*** with me. After the whole Trump era and the whole pandemic thing and dealing with the stupidity of others for this, or maybe it's the old age and the menopausal rage that one feels, just do not even attempt to f*** with me or my family in any way. Am I putting this in the thread because of other people's mental health or because of my own? I don't think it's me who has the problem honestly. Maybe at other times but not this time.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Thu Jul 08, 2021 6:55 pm

Sick of being a fuck up.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Thu Jul 08, 2021 9:58 pm

I am sorry you're feeling the bad feelings - hope it gets better. These days the lows come and go but it's becoming clear much of the low is due to the unreasonable conditions of human living in this society we have created. We've done so many things so well, from convenient plumbing and electricity to the possibility of real voting rights for everyone, and yet we seem intent on hurting it and destroying everything around us and hurting each other, and it wears me out. Doing all the things one has to do in the day wears me out. The passage of time, the hapless effort to adapt needed routines to this passage in a way that makes it decent and leaves time for accomplishing something other than the routines...
Ah. I promise to love myself, but... now get to work, bitch.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Fri Jul 09, 2021 9:41 am

Phoebe wrote: ↑Thu Jul 08, 2021 9:58 pm Doing all the things one has to do in the day wears me out.

I know that feeling. It's easier in the Summer, but it's still exhausting.

Ah. I promise to love myself

I'm incapable of that.

bralbovsky · Post by **bralbovsky** » Fri Jul 09, 2021 10:09 am

Feel ya brother.

So, when one's stability is measured in how many subconscious repetitions of "I hate my life" echo through, despite it being a not particularly despicable life...it's tough to make actual progress.

Accomplishments, small and large, don't really end up in the win column. They end up in the same place as managing not to crash into the idiot in front of you at the stoplight. Adrenalin (but not the good kind) and modest relief.
The glass is half empty, but what remains is poison.

So, what to do, after numerous medications have only added malaise?
Keep passing the open windows.
Keep throwing oneself out of bed, no rest for the wicked anyway.
Keep hitting the brakes at the stoplight.

Will it get better?
I don't know.
In the meantime, I'm wearing out tooth enamel, trying to get done what I can get done.
Hang in, we're here listening, if that helps at all.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Sat Jul 10, 2021 9:52 am

bralbovsky wrote: ↑Fri Jul 09, 2021 10:09 am So, when one's stability is measured in how many subconscious repetitions of "I hate my life" echo through, despite it being a not particularly despicable life...it's tough to make actual progress.

I feel like it's impossible.

So, what to do, after numerous medications have only added malaise?
Keep passing the open windows.
Keep throwing oneself out of bed, no rest for the wicked anyway.
Keep hitting the brakes at the stoplight.

Will it get better?
I don't know.

I doubt it. After all these years, I think I'm just fucked. I expect that as I get older, I'm going to look back on my life and think that it was wasted.

Hang in, we're here listening, if that helps at all.

It does. Thanks.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Mon Jul 12, 2021 1:44 pm

For what it's worth I find it helpful to know that many of us are going through the day to day BS, somehow. I really want a day free of drama, a day when nothing happens but sitting around, possibly even making mild accomplishments, but having no particularly crazy extra stress. I can even handle a little bit of craziness or stress, but could we keep it to a little bit instead of a daily series of massive crises? People aren't designed to live this way. I'm also not trying to be picky but at my advanced age and having a certain amount of money saved up I think it's ridiculous that I can't get a f****** table and four matching chairs to sit and have a meal at. I still have the card table and its matching chairs from when I had my first apartment and that was great and still is great. I'd be happy to go back to that if that's what it takes.

bralbovsky · Post by **bralbovsky** » Mon Jul 12, 2021 6:36 pm

As is clearly obvious, I can't solve most of my own problems, but facebook marketplace, or a more upscale site called 'everything but the house' (that might not be exact) is a likely source for such a simple amenity without spending thousands of dollars for particle board and vinyl veneer.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Tue Jul 13, 2021 4:35 pm

Oh my, I have never heard of either of these things before, can you believe it? I think I may have seen a mention of something called Facebook marketplace but I did not really know what it was or what it did. So far I have found approximately three sets that would work and all of them are out of stock until October or November. As with most things we have both artificial and fixed parameters with which to operate. In this case the fixed parameter is having to match a completely outdated kitchen in a way that doesn't look weird, while also being counter height and accommodating at least six persons, without white or light upholstery. I feel like in the great furniture laboratories of America where all of the furniture is cooked up by highly paid professionals, a giant rubber hand or chicken should fall down from the ceiling and mercilessly smack in the face anyone who puts white upholstery on the chairs of a dining set, particularly one that is clearly intended to go in an eat-in kitchen. Like what kind of monster are you, that you come up with something that could work except that it has white upholstery? Are you a goddamn robot or have you never seen a child or a pet or even the things that normal adult people eat like salsa and chili and bolognese sauce? Tangent: it turns out not everybody knows how to make good sugo or bolognese sauce. I thought this was literally the easiest and most basic food that is ever made, next to something like scrambled eggs? Or boiled hot dogs? The very first step of cooking surely is to make a red Italian sauce for pasta, no? Well, it turns out the answer is no more often than I would have thought. For my grandparents and parents the pasta sauce was a staple we had about once a week and that has been true through my whole life as well and I make the best goddamn pasta sauce I have ever eaten and now I realize it might be something I should just quit my job and sell in a jar.

bralbovsky · Post by **bralbovsky** » Tue Jul 13, 2021 7:39 pm

Like lots of things, new furniture is suffering from supply chain issues. FB marketplace, craigslist, etc offer used furniture, by definition in stock, and might be available for immediate delivery or pickup from an individual. As in all things, huge companies take a bite out of every market, but one can avoid them.
Sauce is of course the source... you can know a lot about a person from the sauce they make/serve. I wish I knew this long ago.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Wed Jul 14, 2021 12:54 am

Saucy thoughts:
The crunch of undercooked onion, pepper, celery, etc is an abomination in sauces or soups and such veggies must be pre-carmelized.

If one must stink of garlic for three days to enjoy good sauce, it's an easy price worth paying. Maybe mosquitoes will avoid you.

Ideal tomato (which I almost never have) is home canned from garden (how my mom and grandma used to prep their sauce tomatoes). Yet plain fresh tomatoes are surprisingly overrated for sauce - tastes good if they come from a local garden and have better flavor/texture, but fresh requires hours of cooking. By contrast, a few big cans of Dei Fratelli crushed tomatoes get the job done very well, and canned tomatoes are better than fresh for lowering a gentleman's PSA number anyway. I don't know why.

Red wine by itself > red wine vinegar + sugar.

Sauce is done after a long, smooth cookdown period when you can finally see the silky texture achieved, but it cannot be oily!

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Fri Jul 16, 2021 1:56 pm

In lieu of a tl;dr ill-advised airing of laundry:
People get stressed out about their jobs and then take it out on others. I am a strong person who requires very little affection or maintenance, and can easily shrug off cold behavior, but every once in a while I have a moment of sadness wishing that my normal daily interactions with people were different. Like I know that if you tell me you wish I wasn't here, at the same time that you wish me to fix the coffee maker because its complex workings elude you, you're probably just stressed and glad to receive a cup of coffee anyway, so I will ignore all the unnecessary verbiage and fix the machine and hand out the coffee and move on. But once in a while I have a desire for the pendulum to swing a little bit the other way and for someone to do something mildly nice to make these things up to me. That is all. I think watching these stupid K-dramas is making the problem worse because even though they are often very harsh with one another, there's a lot of politeness and going out of your way to do something nice for the other person and caring that they are happy or well fed or safe or feeling good or whatever. If there's anything to be appreciated about me, I surely don't know what it is anymore.

Update: it was a good day at work for people so resolution has been achieved as if nothing has ever happened and we're perfectly cheerful, and also they feel under the weather now and don't want to risk comparative treatment. So it turns out we were just annoyed at the dog and annoyed at the kids for not helping and you know how it is. It's like on the one hand, I live like a princess and I have anything I want, but some things just go along with the deal and you can't expect anyone to be flattering you or applying the golden rule at all times etc etc. Stiff upper lip, be thankful for all the ease and convenience and pleasantness of your life.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Mon Aug 09, 2021 8:44 am

So this is weird.

I had a dream in which the bad thoughts came out in force do to something in the dream. So my subconscious still hates me. And I woke up feeling terrible too.

The weird part is that in the dream I was going to post about the event in this forum. I even knew what I was going to say: "It's pretty fucked up to see the thing you desperately want right in front of you, and you can't do anything about it."

That's just weird. My psyche hates me but also wants me to post here?

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Mon Aug 09, 2021 1:51 pm

Akiva wrote: ↑Mon Aug 09, 2021 8:44 am That's just weird. My psyche hates me but also wants me to post here?

Yes - it's doing that because every so often everyone needs to post a proof of life. This is certainly not a "healthy" impulse for the OCD brain but it wants to make sure, basically weekly or so, that all y'all are living and functioning semi-well. I don't know why there is panic about it but I attribute it to the dreamy post-vaccine summer lull giving way to the WTF Delta-variant frustration.

Since I'm in the thread I will note that I cut my happy pills in half because the dreamy post-vacc lull seemed like such a happy time to experiment with just being happy on our own powers and juices and neurotransmitters. And it worked out pretty well for a while, but then i tried going every-other-day with the half-happy-pill and that went less well and led to OCD!!! It would be humorous viewed from the outside, I am sure - it's like, one day you decide that it's important to carefully hand-wash and hand-polish every piece of wood in your house, because nothing else can be properly accomplished until all of that is done. Then you need to buy a rug (favored OCD pastime), so you will need to look at all the rugs for sale, in the world. I'm not joking. I ended up coming to reason again and, well, not buying the rug. But I have super clean and shiny woods through the home! Also windows - squeegeed carefully! Watch out, birds!

It's helpful when you can trace the line of causation so clearly, pin it under your finger, and then move on. Much less interfering than normal. Learning was accomplished such that I will be content to halve the happy pills into half going forward but no further, for now.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Mon Aug 09, 2021 5:39 pm

And I still can’t get that person out of my head.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Mon Aug 09, 2021 7:56 pm

I'm sorry, it isn't fun. But on we march, either way.

UPDATE: made it through the various PTSD things and everything is fine. I will say age and experience is making this easier. Unfortunately one way it gets easier is that you have a pain in your knee and then you focus on that instead of extraneous psychological disturbances.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Tue Aug 10, 2021 3:54 pm

Akiva wrote: ↑Mon Aug 09, 2021 5:39 pm And I still can’t get that person out of my head.

Still.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Fri Aug 13, 2021 1:11 pm

Really want to be someone else today.

And I know who.

Fuck I’m repetitive.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Mon Aug 16, 2021 3:48 pm

This doesn't really belong under mental health except insofar as a psychiatrist was involved, but I had to get a screening for one of my kids for reasons that didn't have much to do with psychiatry at all, except that you have to do it this way. They handed us all sorts of screening forms that were only tangentially relevant, but we had to go through the whole process anyway. One of the forms was a very detailed autism screener. We filled it out and the kid filled it out and it seems very clear that she is very far from having autism-related symptoms.

However, while I'm filling out the form, I'm sitting there thinking about myself and one of my other kids. The questions are geared towards childhood but it's pretty certain half this questionnaire is talking about me and my other kid, like they spied on us one day and then wrote down questions based on what they saw us doing! I kept turning to my husband and saying, excuse me, I feel personally attacked by this question! It was obvious to him too. But what's weird is there are whole pages of the form that don't apply to me in any way even slightly, yet when you get on to page 3 it's like the entire page is a personal biography. That seems very odd to me.

I'm not trying to say the form is inaccurate or that other people are misdiagnosed, but I find it weird that all these completely distinct behaviors are being lumped in together in classifying autism, even though I don't know any evidence that they are significantly linked. Nor does identifying them seem especially useful for guiding an educator or health professional's response, or filling out the contents of a chart that your kid will have to take along through school and be marked and measured by. It just bothers me a great deal. I felt like such a guinea pig in school when I was growing up and I don't want any of my kids to ever feel that way, and I don't think the whole complex of educators and psychologists offers a particularly insightful grasp of being both smart and weird. There are a thousand ways to be smart and there are a thousand ways to be weird, and none of those things necessarily has anything to do with autism. I feel like to be diagnosed with autism, it should be possible to identify behaviors one doesn't have much choice about, but that create adaptive challenges of the sort that demand further assistance and intervention.

When it comes to my youngest kid, I don't see how there's going to be assistance or any meaningful interaction based on some of these other things. What are they going to do for him, since they can't meet his educational needs? The best help he gets psychologically is coming from the music teacher and the PE teacher who teach them breathing exercises and relaxation! What they really need to do is let a kid finish the in-class worksheet in his own time and then read a book of his own choosing while the rest of the class spends the time they need to figure it out. Honestly, that is the solution. And maybe don't put the kid in a room where he has no friends if you think he has challenges making friends? It's not an experiment to see if you can succeed in encouraging him to expand his social horizons; he already picked out the only three kids he could find on his wavelength. Sometimes I feel like they do things with the kid because it's a challenge for them as an educator and not because it's in the best interest of the kid. If you don't have a supply of kids who want to crack bad puns while talking about military strategy and space travel, what is the point?

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Mon Aug 16, 2021 7:45 pm

I need to stop looking at social media.

Fuck.

Mando · Post by **Mando** » Tue Aug 17, 2021 12:16 am

my post-op pain meds make me have weird, sad feelings...or do they just tear down the walls I have built up...oh well, only one pill left. And the pain is far from gone.

poorpete · Post by **poorpete** » Tue Aug 17, 2021 9:51 am

Yesterday was a bit of a bummer. Afghanistan news + covid still rising + I briefly broke my work's website + inlaws in town. Things feel a bit better today. Time helped. Getting a good night sleep helped. Distractions helped. Taking a break from the news helped. Allowing unhelpful anxiety to pass helped. Still a bit exhausted, not quite relaxed, but better.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Tue Aug 17, 2021 5:42 pm

Akiva wrote: ↑Mon Aug 16, 2021 7:45 pm I need to stop looking at social media.

Amen to this. I haven't figured out a good way to navigate it but there's a definite trade-off between "keep in touch with different friends you like very much or people you can't see because COVID is here" and "feel like s*** for reasons not fully understood or well studied, but probably linked to being reminded that you can't see the people you would most like to be spending some time with, while being surrounded by trumpets and anti-vaxxers."

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Tue Aug 17, 2021 6:01 pm

Mando wrote: ↑Tue Aug 17, 2021 12:16 am my post-op pain meds make me have weird, sad feelings...or do they just tear down the walls I have built up...oh well, only one pill left. And the pain is far from gone.

Body does not like being in pain! Even when the pain is chosen for good reasons to fix other pain, a body still doesn't like going through the trauma. I hope you're able to get a non-narcotic pain medicine that does the trick for you. Unpleasant experiences!

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Tue Aug 17, 2021 6:04 pm

poorpete wrote: ↑Tue Aug 17, 2021 9:51 am Still a bit exhausted, not quite relaxed, but better.

Better is better! Maybe not great yet but how else would you get there? I don't know if you're feeling that covid related stress but a lot of people I know are also feeling a grim sense that we have to go through another pandemic fall, and maybe it feels worse when it's a bounce back from relative normal that was supposed to be restored.

Mando · Post by **Mando** » Mon Aug 23, 2021 6:57 pm

I have gone off meds but now they have me using a cane. Uggh...wanna feel helpless and old ...just use a cane out in public. I feel like I am regarded as less of a person. My stars how have I been blind to this??