Mental health

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Mon Jan 04, 2021 7:24 pm

I found out a few days ago that the son of my member of Congress died. I found out tonight that he killed himself after fighting depression for years. I can't imagine what his family is going through.

As I’m sure you guys know, I’ve had serious depression for a long time (about 20 years). I have never been suicidal, and I don't think I will be, but the possibility that I could be terrifies me.

In his note, the son “My disease won today.” I know that feeling very well. There but for the grace of god (so to speak) go I .

Stan · Post by **Stan** » Mon Jan 04, 2021 11:44 pm

It's one of the biggest health problems. I don't have any good answers. I've lost years of my life.
In some ways, treatment is primitive. We don't have a lab test that determines which treatment is likely to work best, so there is guesswork and each wrong guess takes a month to determine that it's wrong and something else needs to be tried. Many sufferers aren't explained the wide variety of offerings and drop out of treatment if the first attempt fails.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Tue Jan 05, 2021 7:10 am

Stan wrote: ↑Mon Jan 04, 2021 11:44 pm I've lost years of my life.

I like the way you phrased it.

People talk about regrets in life a lot. I don't regret actions/choices; I regret being me because I don't think that I could have done things differently without being a different person. If that makes sense.

Sometimes I feel like my life is just a series of random events linked together only by the fact that I'm in the room for all of them.

poorpete · Post by **poorpete** » Tue Jan 05, 2021 11:39 am

My issue is with anxiety, though I share some of these fears noted above. I had a series of panic attacks in 2005 that really set the template for the next decade or so. I'd get stuck in an anxiety spiral. There's an anxiety triangle my therapist taught me: Thoughts, Feelings, and Actions. And how to learn to understand how they they are separate and how they work together.
A "what if" thought can lead me to "empathetic panic" feeling which can lead me to "getting up from my seat to walk around" action which can lead to... a "what if there's something wrong with me" thought that can lead me to "more panic" which can lead to more anxiety... and this continues in a spiral until l get out via positive thinking or reassurance or distraction or exhaustion or whatever. But then neural pathways are set and the thought "what if there's something wrong with me" gets me so worked up I start believing the reaction is a sign that it's true.

But slowly coming to understand that thoughts aren't dangerous, anxiety is not dangerous, and my actions based on those are not dangerous. And I'm learning to be able to have a thought and ask myself "is feeling anxious about this.. useful?" Because some feelings are useful. Covid fear and anxiety can be very useful if spurs me to keep me and my family safe (not so much if it just leaves me scared and paralyzed). But if it's not useful anxiety, I've given myself permission to not feel anxious about it.

"I've lost years of my life" I sometimes feel. What it's been 15 years? But I keep feeling I'm nearing or at the start of my post-anxiety-led years. Here's hoping.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Tue Jan 05, 2021 12:32 pm

poorpete wrote: ↑Tue Jan 05, 2021 11:39 amI've lost years of my life" I sometimes feel. What it's been 15 years? But I keep feeling I'm nearing or at the start of my post-anxiety-led years. Here's hoping.

I've been at the therapy and medication thing for almost 20 years, and it doesn't seem like it's helping that much. Of course, I think it's not helping because I'm no depressed--I'm justifiably seething with self-hatred because I'm a fuck up.

I've had some problems with anxiety, but nothing like what you've described. My wife has been going through extreme anxiety for more than a year now, so I've seen it, and I can only imagine how hard it must be.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Tue Jan 05, 2021 3:20 pm

Because I’m an idiot who should quit social media but doesn’t, I was reminded of a person I wish I’d never met, and I’m sinking. Fuck I’m predictable.

bralbovsky · Post by **bralbovsky** » Thu Jan 07, 2021 11:39 am

Sadly, like my lymphoma, I think it is something I will die with, hopefully not from.
The transitions back and forth between, on a molecular level, not giving a shit and stressing about everything, subatomics on up.
They're grinding away at me faster than I can replace cells.
Nevertheless, tomorrow keeps coming, I keep waking up
I keep "passing the open windows" which, some days is about what I can manage to do.
Half dozen chemicals, years of therapy, advanced (except even the inventors don't understand it) electroshock...
Still measure days by how many times "I hate my life" rolls through my head.
Does it affect work? You betcha. Focus more fragile than Greenland glacier ice.
Like in "The Maelstrom" just trying to get sucked down slowly enough to let it pass.
Worried/encouraged that passing through the center of the black hole will be transformative....

I have no advice, sorry, except I try to do my best to get the hell away from myself.
Immersed in somebody else's quicksand, trying to pull them out.
Stay connected, even to strangers (tougher with Covid/easier with internet)
Will I continue to curse what I have done to my life, and most days just despair watching the dumpster fire?
Ya
But if I can contain it to the dumpster, that's something.
If I can make my bed, get dressed, throw in laundry (or rerun the wet load I forgot about or just shrugged off)
That's not nothing.
We're here. We hear you. And...as impotent as we are in this land of ghosts and shadows, we're sending you as much energy as we can.
Hope you're receiving it.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Thu Jan 07, 2021 11:44 am

We are receiving it. I can't tell you how much it is helpful to read that other people have similar struggles of their own in this area, and it doesn't impede their ability to do great things in life (Even if they may not always think of themselves as doing such things! I still think it!). It's hard to get past the feeling that if you aren't in perfect control of your mental state and able to bootstrap your way through things, you are a f******. My kid is dealing with some of this early in life thanks in part to the pandemic, and I hope being able to tackle that head on early is helpful. It makes me happy to read the people who have struggled with s*** like this are still feeling hope and still driven onward, even if it is sometimes by negative energy. Whatever it takes!

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Sat Feb 13, 2021 5:21 pm

The pandemic is very bad for mental health in some ways. Sometimes it's good because the introvert in you rarely has to be stressed. I have a feeling that will lead to its own special problems later on when we are forced into extraversion again. But at least for now it is nice to live in a cocoon of home and safety. The problem is I don't get to see my parents enough, or frankly anyone who particularly appreciates me. It is difficult not to be appreciated. I realize this happens to other people all the time, and I have an icy heart and mind not easily melted by the criticisms of others, so it's not like it should be a problem, but it's still difficult. People like to be appreciated, they like to know that even if they're not perfect or even if things aren't going great, at least someone still appreciates some of the things they are able to do. Or finds value in them generally, for the things that matter most to who they are. Anyone can get a donkey, but it is nice to think of yourself as something slightly more elevated than a failed donkey.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Mon Mar 01, 2021 10:59 am

I have been up since 6:30, yet in these hours the number of things I have accomplished that would aid my own personal to-do-list cause has been approx Zero. I did have a cup of coffee! I was very proud of myself, so proud, for getting my kid to school this morning ONLY ten minutes late, when you put the whole effort in its proper overall context and see what was required to reach that point, and how much time I had to spend in the backyard, and the laundry room, and in the grocery store parking lot, and dealing with medical professionals who aren't helpful in the slightest. It's especially exciting when you consider I wasn't even here when the security alarms went off this morning! Being to school ALMOST on time, with the proper jacket and all of our stuff in the backpack, was a great achievement! Meanwhile, the partner is 100% gone and occupied with work for about the next month, so I'll be doing, you know, The Rest of All Of It, and people, gamers, nerds, musicians, readers, I am here to tell you that my shit is falling apart! PANDEMIC, YEAR TWO: shit falls totally apart!!! You are a failure in life! You are a disaster! You are a mess and can do nothing correctly, even if you did have time for it! Okay, done venting - back to work, which involves gently pushing piles of either metaphoric or literal filth around all day, trying to de-filth as much as possible.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Wed Mar 03, 2021 11:02 am

Since I have to sweep and mop my floor multiple times throughout the day if I don't want to live in abject filth, I decided to take matters into my hands. I spend an hour last night washing the dog, a task that required every bit of my mental and physical and emotional resources to accomplish, by luring the animal successfully and quickly processing him without destroying the rest of the home area. I emerged with a clean dog and immediately fell to the bed exhausted and slept for six straight hours. This morning I went to the hardware store and got mulch. I mulched all the muddy areas. Again I was exhausted. Everything set and prepared, I went outside with my dogs. The very first thing that one dog did was to dump the other in a mud puddle and roll him. He rolled that clean dog back and forth in the mud puddle to make sure his dominance was carefully established this morning. This effort backfired for him, because now somebody else is getting all the love and snacks and attention after having been cleaned Again in a half-hearted, insufficient manner. This dog who requires cleaning has four inch long fur. I'm not exaggerating; I have seldom encountered a dog with 4 in long fur. I thought he would look rather like a waterlogged rat once we got all that fur wet, but instead he looks like a giant monster with a lot of crazy wet fur. Now he's fluffing back out again into a puff. You like to see that but you have also given up on pretty much everything. You won't be able to get a washer; you are a failure as a mother, housewife, and formerly-competent professional. Why do we do any of the things we do? Each moment of life is a value judgment: when should I wash this dog relative to doing other things, so that I can maintain my sanity in the face of an inch thick layer of dirt and s*** on my floor that is also causing me to have terrible allergies that masquerade as Covid and produce monstrous headaches. Child 1 is becoming almost fully dysfunctional; I can't really blame her because I can trace the causation 99.4% directly to pandemic circumstances. But it can't persist. Child 2 is dysfunctional but is able to maturely handle her business and make progress. The problem is that she does not consider helping out in this domicile to be anything related to her business, despite efforts to instruct and guide (see: failed parenting, above). Child 3 is extremely pleasant and somewhat functional, 90% of the time. The other 10% indicates certain character issues that require adjustment, such as the concept that other people function best as his personal servants. Wonder where he could have gotten that idea. On the other hand, he adores me and we can communicate about everything, so he receives instruction and at least tries. This is enough to go on for the next 6 hours.

Stan · Post by **Stan** » Wed Mar 03, 2021 11:45 am

I don't have dogs anymore but I feel ya.

Both of my kids have used Covid lockdown as an excuse to achieve almost total agoraphobia. I spend a chunk of my day acquiring supplies and taking people to appointments. Then I have to do much of my work in the evening when everyone else wants to be loud. So, I put on headphones to code. Then people insist that I take off my headphones to listen to inane questions. I don't see this improving as the rest of the house seems resistant to increasing their effort.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Wed Mar 03, 2021 2:43 pm

The agoraphobia thing is real. One of my kids is deeply averse to going out of the house for almost any reason. Going for a drive is okay as long as there's no danger of having to go through a drive-thru or end up in a place where there are people. This is not bode well for going back to places where there are lots of people.

Stan · Post by **Stan** » Wed Mar 03, 2021 3:04 pm

I bet there's going to be an agoraphobia epidemic this year - it's already happening but it's hidden by restrictions. I bet there will be a percentage of kids who permanently homeschool or online school after this. My younger one was already homeschooling anyway and the other is in college so it doesn't hit me as much as it will some.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Wed Mar 03, 2021 5:14 pm

It's going to be weird after this for a long while, for sure. Apparently the anniversary effect has cropped up with respect to the pandemic, too, and various people who were doing OK are kind of losing their shit lately as they run across whatever their own personal version of Quarantine, Day 1 registered as in their brains. One hypothesis: if you have a tendency to anniversary-effect due to other forms of loss or PTSD, you're prepped to experience this with the pandemic annual passage. I have no idea what the causal story is for me, given the riches of possible relevant causes of STRESS lately, but I tell you, I am not doing well in Pandemic, Year Two. It's not like I want much to change in my life - the day to day of life would not be much different if things "improved". I'd still want to be here, mostly, taking walks, doing about the same things as ever. So whatever is bothering me, it's at least partly COVID-related - I think it's the fact that fear of contracting the virus has been suppressed and I told myself we'd be vaccinated eventually and then all would be better, but the combo of no vaccine in sight for us and death/misery-from-new-variants is overriding my capacity for suppression and denial. It's like, this is just going to go on and on and on until we actually die from it, isn't it? Like, we thought a year of caution would let us escape, but no. Maybe my parents will escape, maybe my kids, but I feel like, well, I'm just playing craps with my life at this point because we can't keep quarantining. I don't have a choice in this matter at this point. We REALLY quarantined, big time, and it's like, because so many people so badly suck at being members of the human community, here we are and all that year was for nothing. So now that I can't close down exposures anymore, and the people around me are all pedal-to-the-metal as soon as they can, the kids will have to go out among people more often too, and ... what hope is there of keeping this up? Doomed. Fuck people, you know? I am so disgusted by and utterly sick of about 56% of People. Gross. Just gross. Including myself, sometimes. Often.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Wed Mar 03, 2021 5:28 pm

Finished typing, felt vaguely bolstered by getting it all shook out, and decided to make renewed efforts to resolve work task. Work task was then interrupted for no reason at all when computer failure occurred, not on my end. So, I had been trying to obtain a washing machine. The earliest I can get a washing machine is in 16 days. I have a hard time believing this is true and I rebel against this BS. However, we shall see.
I was all renewed, ready to attack something again, when my teenager promptly came into the room, dumped an entire drink all over my desk, and then stood there gaping at it like she doesn't have limbs. Quick action would have solved some things, yet mom is apparently needed to help us fix this thing - i.e. the random and senseless harm to her things, when she's trying to work because her life is falling slowly apart due to her inability to be left alone to focus on work for one goddamn hour. And I say to this, f*** it all, I'm done here. At least for the next hour, because then we have parent-teacher conferences. Good times; good mood for that. Thankfully this is a conference for a kid who is doing a good job in school, but they always want to offer me their psychological services and deep-thinking assistances and so forth. I'm really not interested in your psychological theories. They enjoy diagnosing the parent. I don't need it; that's what this thread is for. If I was curious about my functioning or the unique mental characteristics of my very unusual and brilliant child that are probably ill-understood by others, I would contact an actual expert who has been proven to help, due to the expertise.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Fri Mar 05, 2021 5:44 pm

Apparently my therapist can sense through the ether that I'm a troubled soul because he actually called AND emailed to see if I happen to want to see him, since my approach is generally to drop in once in a blue moon for a quick Band-Aid and then jump back into the trench. Y'all, don't be calling him for me! What is going on? Does he think some kind of psychic-link nonsense is going to help me become more rational?

But seriously, for one month I have been trying to schedule a mammogram, and it can't be done. I'm not going to go into the thousand reasons why it was derailed because that's a long and boring story, but a person in this world needs to be able to phone up and schedule a damn mammogram when they need one. Now since I can't get into the mammogram, I alternate between convincing myself that I am hurting myself with unpleasant underwires, and that I am nearly dead from the spread of cancer throughout my entire body including my knee cap. I don't know where all it is but it's definitely in the kneecap. Any time I have a pain in my rib, of course, that is also a sign of impending doom. But this is not why I have a migraine. No. This is why:

I need another dog in this house like I need a hole in the head, so what has my child done? Brought another dog to the house. Temporarily, but still. I may go crazy. No pejorative intended with that word; it's a very helpful word. I'm not going anywhere with a specific diagnosis; I'm just freaking exhausted from all of this stuff. The dog is one of the most adorable creatures that exists on the earth. The poor thing is about as long as your hand fully extended and he is shaking with terror, because honestly, who wouldn't begin shaking with terror if they suddenly found themselves in this home? This is not a good place to find yourself if you could be mistaken for a very large and delicious sausage, or if you are smaller than a cat and suddenly find yourself face to face with two felines who are all too delighted to have turned the tables on the canine kingdom suddenly.

Meanwhile I'm running a restaurant and a laundromat that doesn't have a laundry facility, and there are no words for the monstrous pile of stuff I have to do in those rare moments when I put up the pretense of being a functioning professional. I cannot live like this for much longer in the pandemic y'all. I'm not even going to go into all the other things. My head hurts too much. I can literally hear the throbbing and ringing sounds of the headache; a soft gray halo goes around the edges of the field of vision. My boob is going to fall off and then my rib and my kneecap. I need to get up and cook but how?

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Sun Mar 07, 2021 6:34 pm

I have lost my laptop somewhere within my own house. It's not worth going into all the other straws but this is the last straw and I have given up on pretty much everything. Does it ever trouble you that you have to wake up each day and live it as yourself, because you really have no other choices about that? You can't decide one day to be a radically different version of yourself, much less a person who is competent and functional and respected by others. You have to stay you every day. You got yourself into this position and now you can't get out, and reemerge as a lifesaving nurse or volunteer organizer or one of those moms who has a clean and organized life and whose children get things done at the appropriate time in the appropriate way. This isn't an option. Small incremental change may be possible, but it takes a long time, and you have to wake up and live like this because there's no way to fix it. If there was a way to fix it you would have found it by now.

Tomorrow is Monday and I just don't see how I'm going to wake up and do a Monday after today. But probably by this evening I will feel very chipper and tomorrow I will jump up and do things productively and everything will be okay.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Sun Mar 07, 2021 7:49 pm

Phoebe wrote: ↑Sun Mar 07, 2021 6:34 pm Does it ever trouble you that you have to wake up each day and live it as yourself, because you really have no other choices about that?

Every fucking day.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Mon Mar 08, 2021 6:21 am

Today a new day! No idea how we will fix the things, but at least a new day. Marking the passage of pandemic time by morning coffee, a daily highlight, and evening tea. At least I fixed my beverages. That's not nothing. Maybe can fix like half dozen things today, realistically. Shit is falling apart literally and figuratively, but we did fix the sink faucet before Plumbing Disaster that was coming, so that's not nothing either. Husband also came to some form of reflexive self-awareness that he is very unpleasant in post- and pre-work situations where he has his game head engaged, and generally when he's Hangry, which is like 85% of the day, and he attempted to help clean. Honestly don't need this; do need acknowledging that I bear the burden of all this stuff and can be expected to fail at it a lot, but those are the circumstances because I am not literal superwoman. Though my kid thinks I'm kind of older version of scarlet witch, and this is why his sisters are complaining that I coddle him too much. Of course I will fetch ice water for someone who thinks I am *almost* as powerful as scarlet witch, y'all. I fetched the same water for you!

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Tue Mar 09, 2021 9:50 am

For whoever needs this info: apparently the covid dementia is a real thing. Most of us are having cognitive problems, to the extent that we are not exposing our brains to most of what it was accustomed to in previous years. I guess we can handle some changes but we can't handle a radical change to our cognitive environment. This is related to what we already know about changes in people who need care, like assisted living or a nursing home, or who lose their normal companion(s) for interaction.

I'm accustomed to a lot of multitasking and I find now that if I get interrupted I have no idea where I was and it takes me longer to get back on track. I can't come up with specific nouns readily if I'm busy thinking of something else and then interrupted. Since I normally make up words for things when it suits the moment, now it happens all the time out of necessity and my family is like, w.t.f. This specific form of dementia did in fact happen to my grandmother, who otherwise did not have dementia. This is frustrating and concerning for the future because people constantly wanted to attribute to her various dementias and problems she truly didn't have - when you can't think of specific nouns easily or at all, it shows readily to people even if you aren't confused in any other way. And then if you're sad and depressed for good reasons, prone to tears, and already mystified by the technological devices in your home, people might draw all kinds of faulty conclusions about you. I watched this happen to her again and again and it infuriates me even now. She was more cognitively capable and functioning than most of the people who were making these snap judgments, because they didn't know specific parts of the brain can deteriorate to affect recall of nouns, even if you're solid in other respects. The point is, don't worry that you're abnormal if you have new cognitive problems. It might not mean Alzheimer's but rather that you have been subjected to a bigger change in environment than realized.

As expected, Monday improved, even though it was absolutely terrible, the bare fact of getting through it in one piece was surprising and thus encouraging.

Consequently today is better. One of the big frustrations is that I don't feel good if I can't accomplish a certain amount of stuff on the massive to-do list each day. I'm long since accustomed to not getting it all done, but there is some kind of comfort zone that needs to be achieved. I've also discovered that the closer one gets to menopause, the more frustrating it is to be undermined by the incompetent or poorly-behaved. There are many layers to this thing, poorly understood and examined in our culture. Maybe liberation from certain hormonal influences has a positive effect, I don't know. Can't think of a certain noun but otherwise significantly enhanced in the powers.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Wed Mar 10, 2021 7:54 pm

I’m not quite enough under the influence of bourbon to drunk post, but this’ll do. Bad night. Feeling worthless and alone.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Wed Mar 10, 2021 7:57 pm

I am sorry, but glad you let us know. Because here we all are, sitting here in a pandemic, and in that manner you have solidarity. Maybe you need snacks? This isn't a very helpful suggestion because comfort food has not been a promoter of health in my life, but on the other hand, they call it comfort food for a reason. Maybe comfort honey tea?

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Wed Mar 10, 2021 7:58 pm

Did you get vaccinated by the way, like both of them?

bralbovsky · Post by **bralbovsky** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 8:27 am

Despite being repeatedly asked, I do not know what I need, what would help. What does not help is repeatedly asking.

It is a sign of deterioration that people expect my emails to be delayed.

Ok, read the thread. Yes, the pandemic is toxic, in so many ways. I think however, it is the disparity of response that is worst. If we were all equally serious and panicked, that would be unifying. Instead, we are balkanized into the camps of concern over dying vs the concern over being pushed around, and we don't know whom to trust (nobody) We've lost half of our nonverbal cues. We are having the same logical crisis as the abstinence only people: So, don't go out if you don't want to get sick, no precaution is sufficient because protection is apparently threatening to masculinity.
Mutual investment in community is destroyed; signified most clearly by millionaires suggesting regular folks couldn't make productive use of a thousand bucks.

As an allergic person, I lived for decades with three hairy dogs. It necessitated sinus surgery (life changing, btw, but I had to have it twice). There is no vacuum in the world that will not be defeated. Having said that, an automatic shark or roomba will help. They also make little swiffer style robots. I'd avoid anything that requires adding water. Unholy mess. Be realistic that it's not going to make headway, just slow the decline, but it's something. Be realistic also that the batteries will fail before you expect, but it's still worth it. Can't conceive that there's not a big box store with washers on the floor or in the back that you can have tomorrow. Home depot and Best buy here, not sure what's up in the midwest.
Part of the difficulty with kids is that much of the incentive for them to do anything has evaporated. If you do this...I'll drive you to see Desmond. I'll take you and Evangeline to the mall, we can go to a movie. For all the complaints about the taxi service role, it was half of my usefulness at a certain stage (What does your Dad do? He drives and pays.) That's tricky to replace.

So, ya. Three hours to compose a short email. Months to design and execute small home repairs. The quicksand is turning into snow sand, and it will be months before we stop tasting it. Hang in.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Fri Mar 12, 2021 2:23 pm

Hanging! Akiva how are you doing? It is Friday so there's that.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Fri Mar 12, 2021 2:28 pm

I’m about the same. Very stressful kid-school stuff on top of everything else.

Stan · Post by **Stan** » Fri Mar 12, 2021 3:02 pm

I might be in for big changes soon. I'm not sure I'm up for it.
My immediate boss is leaving because she's tired of working 60 hours/week and holding everything together while getting no respect. So, she's off to a cushy job that pays more. That will totally change the landscape in my section and I wouldn't be surprised if it goes to shit fast. A few people will leave which will trigger a domino effect as absences make more crap for the people who are here. Plus, my boss was one of the few coworkers who I genuinely liked. The main reason I'm still here is lots of vacation time and flexible hours because of my kids' issues.

I've been at the same place for 20 soul sucking years and I might be on the job market again soon. Since I found out yesterday, I've had a constant background feeling of dread.

Tahlvin · Post by **Tahlvin** » Fri Mar 12, 2021 4:16 pm

I feel for you. A good boss can really make a difference. When one of my former bosses told me he had given his notice, I was depressed. He was a big reason for the culture in our department, which I really enjoyed. And as soon as he left, everything changed to much more of a typical corporate culture, and "what have you done for us lately" attitude took root. I slogged through about another year at that company after he left before I called it quits. I ended up leaving and becoming an independent consultant, and ended up working with my former boss again, where he would line up the contracts for both of us to work on. But the change sucks. Hope it works out for you.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Fri Mar 12, 2021 4:56 pm

OMG Stan move to... Elsewhere! We have a better elsewhere over here! Good for your field I would think. If you can survive living in Indiana you would be even happier here, if marginally.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Thu Mar 25, 2021 9:18 am

My husband developed a pandemic habit when it was 20 below of smoking in the running car so the heater and NPR could be on. Now he continues the practice on balmy spring days. He smokes multiple HOURS per day. How that relates to the thread topic is left as a speculative exercise. There are no wrong answers.

bralbovsky · Post by **bralbovsky** » Thu Mar 25, 2021 8:18 pm

not even the topic, but how are smoking, the heater and NPR connected?

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Thu Mar 25, 2021 8:42 pm

bralbovsky wrote: ↑Thu Mar 25, 2021 8:18 pm not even the topic, but how are smoking, the heater and NPR connected?

They're all fronts for the Knights Templar.

bralbovsky · Post by **bralbovsky** » Thu Mar 25, 2021 9:04 pm

but, wait, I was , like, a charter member ages ago....when did we add npr?

Stan · Post by **Stan** » Thu Mar 25, 2021 9:44 pm

Phoebe wrote: ↑Thu Mar 25, 2021 9:18 am My husband developed a pandemic habit when it was 20 below of smoking in the running car so the heater and NPR could be on. Now he continues the practice on balmy spring days. He smokes multiple HOURS per day. How that relates to the thread topic is left as a speculative exercise. There are no wrong answers.

Recognize that he needs to decompress from a stressful life but remind him that he could do so in a way reconnects him to his family. Then kick him the nuts and put out a cigarette on his forehead to encourage him to stop smoking.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Sat Mar 27, 2021 8:36 pm

bralbovsky wrote: ↑Thu Mar 25, 2021 9:04 pm but, wait, I was , like, a charter member ages ago....when did we add npr?

I finally figured this out, how many days later now? I mean he likes to listen to National Public Radio while smoking. I am now dead from the suppressed internal laughter.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Sun Mar 28, 2021 1:36 pm

Version 2: bad day of migraine. I need magical powers if I'm going to get everything done.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Tue Mar 30, 2021 11:36 pm

Each member of my household has at some point over the last few days (or in some cases daily for a much more extended period) taken actions that would drive even a patient, tolerant person to drink. I'm going to put up a shed or tent in my backyard and live there with dogs. No other humans are allowed into the shed. I will keep the dogs safe from the other crazy humans here, and the dogs will keep me safe, and we'll just visit once in awhile to help things along in the main house. Otherwise, we need to be alone. It might also be okay for me to take the youngest kids and go on a brief vacation. Everyone here is doing incomprehensible and exhausting things that cause me close encounters with filth, stress, and difficulties. I'm also struggling with this question:
what am I permitted to do to people who bring substances into the home that are toxic either to the pets or to me and then leave them around? Now this is my family I'm talking about, so it might be different if it were total strangers wandering into the home and dropping poisonous items here and there. But what do we do with our own family? I am also uninterested in being criticized for at least
.. hmm. For a very long time. I am not open for hearing any form of criticism, at all, none. It's clear to me that I have failed as a housewife, parent, professional, and functioning human, but I really don't want to hear about it from anyone else, and certainly not from the people who do the idiotic things these people have been doing lately. Pandemic year two. Really liked the first vaccine portion but otherwise I am not a fan.

Stan · Post by **Stan** » Wed Mar 31, 2021 2:48 am

I empathize. Have a virtual hug.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Wed Mar 31, 2021 9:16 am

That is rough. It’s a hell of a year and more, to put it mildly.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Sat Apr 03, 2021 5:53 pm

Thank you. I am vaccinated now and very happy about it. I was forced to sleep. Usually I can fight it successfully but I was forced to sleep after the vaccine. I slept for approximately 26 hours in a 30-hour period. It was like being reborn.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Sun Apr 04, 2021 8:15 pm

Not quite enough bourbon for drunk posting.

Good I wish I were someone else. And I know exactly who, too. And no, it’s not John Oates.

Crazy anxiety today on top of everything else.

So does Daryl Hall have an autobiography?

Fuck I hate myself.

bralbovsky · Post by **bralbovsky** » Wed Apr 07, 2021 12:23 am

Rough when you measure the days by how many times you catch yourself saying you hate your...life, self, decisions, circumstances.
Apparently there is a person that is 7 times more likely to kill you than anyone else (in the mirror) and no, trying to get him first is not really a good strategy.
Hang in.
I hear xanax is good, but right now vodka has to suffice.
I haven't read or seen or heard any media lately that didn't trigger anxiety. or rage.

I don't know an alternative I couldn't fuck up, so I guess it's just keep passing the open windows and ready or not, suddenly tomorrow comes...
We feel ya.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Wed Apr 07, 2021 7:07 am

Compared to most people, my problems are pretty petty and insignificant. So of course I feel guilty for obsessing over them.

bralbovsky · Post by **bralbovsky** » Wed Apr 07, 2021 8:32 am

Akiva wrote: ↑Wed Apr 07, 2021 7:07 am Compared to most people, my problems are pretty petty and insignificant. So of course I feel guilty for obsessing over them.

Achievement unlocked: Anxiety circularity....Like circular breathing...I can do this all day.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Wed Apr 07, 2021 10:36 am

Akiva wrote: ↑Wed Apr 07, 2021 7:07 am Compared to most people, my problems are pretty petty and insignificant. So of course I feel guilty for obsessing over them.

The older we get the more true this is: every one of us likely knows an assortment of real-life people with real-life problems that seem far worse than our own in some dimension or other. If you are healthy, you know someone who has cancer or Alzheimers, or whose sister and mother died of COVID, or their baby needs dangerous heart surgery. If you are not healthy, you know people who don't deserve the grinding poverty they're stuck in, or your nephew is in prison suffering from assault but also did bad things to get there and the parents are emotionally devastated. So when you're like, well, my day to day life sucks, I am unable to handle the massive responsibilities on my plate, each new day provides reasons I can only sleep a few hours, the last place on earth my parents should ever be is a nursing home but I don't know how to ensure that never happens without quitting my job, my kid is failing classes and trapped under a mountain of anxiety because of this year of pandemic $%(*&... all this looks like a bunch of nonsense compared to cancer, prison, broke, COVID, etc. But each of us has our special serving of nonsense and we still have to deal with it. Why is it so difficult to forgive ourselves for having problems that aren't damaging enough, or not solving all our problems at once? And yet it is.

Post by **Mike** » Wed Apr 07, 2021 11:03 am

Even people who have suffered horrible, tangible tragedy will diminish their own depression/anxiety by pointing out that "so many people are worse off." Using that logic, there's only one person on earth allowed to complain. It's nonsense.

And I know that doesn't help people who are in the middle of this self-minimizing, but pain is pain, and someone else's experiences have no bearing on the fact that your own pain is real and that it makes your life very difficult.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Wed Apr 07, 2021 12:33 pm

Mike wrote: ↑Wed Apr 07, 2021 11:03 am And I know that doesn't help people who are in the middle of this self-minimizing, but pain is pain, and someone else's experiences have no bearing on the fact that your own pain is real and that it makes your life very difficult.

Rationally, that makes sense. And of course it's true for other people, but not me.

Even my subconscious hates me--I dreamed about a person I wish I'd never met, and that helped make the last few days extra special fun.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Thu Apr 08, 2021 4:52 pm

This is just not a good week.

Stan · Post by **Stan** » Thu Apr 08, 2021 4:58 pm

My mind is frozen to the extent that I can barely start new tasks. I really need several weeks off but projects at work would collapse and my family would still insist on causing me stress.