Nerd Pride Cookbook

[Elle]

Let's start this off with an easy one. Something that exists in this world is Havarti cheese spiked with chives and horseradish. Get ahold of this and carefully open the wrapper so as not to inadvertently damage the precious contents within. Then, you eat it.

[Cazmonster]

This is how I get everybody at work to love me.

SOFTWARE
12 oz bag of Pretzel Rods
1 1/2 cup unsalted butter
1 1/2 cup dark brown sugar
1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
12 oz high quality dark chocolate (70% or greater)

HARDWARE
Half Sheet Pan
Foil
Parchment paper
Spatula
Saucepan

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350°F. Line a 12 x 17 inch jelly roll pan with foil. Place pretzel rods in the pan as tightly as possible without overlapping. Use pieces to fill any gaps at the bottom of the pan. Set aside. Chop chocolate so pieces are about the size of standard chocolate chips and set aside.

In a medium saucepan melt butter over medium heat stirring frequently with a spatula. Once butter has melted, add brown sugar and vanilla stirring to combine. Cook for about 5 minutes or until mixture is an even dark brown color and has begun to bubble. Remove from heat and pour over pretzels using spatula to spread sauce.

Bake for 5 minutes or until butter mixture begins to bubble. Remove from oven and sprinkle evenly with chocolate allowing the heat to melt the chocolate. Spread chocolate evenly with the spatula so all of the pretzels are completely covered. Refrigerate until chocolate sets and hardens. Break apart and serve.

[Elle]

Definitely doing that at the holidays. So this morning I achieved something close to the ultimate pancake. Many times before I thought I had been there but this one was better, and I can also see that this one will be improved by adding a few other things like flaxseed and cornmeal, which I usually do but today was too lazy to grab. Unfortunately it was one of those batters created by mixing things spontaneously. I can get pretty close though: 1 egg, 1 more egg white (so you need 2 eggs total, toss one yolk), 1.5 cups buttermilk, 1.5 tsp baking soda, 2 tsp. baking powder (regular, not Rumsford this time), a tiny pinch of regular salt, 1 TB sugar, 1 tsp canola oil, one cup white flour and one cup whole wheat flour. This is where I would add another few TBs each of flaxseed and cornmeal but did not do that today. The pancake is so light and fluffy and heavy and thick all at once.

Fun fact: at the end all the plates were full and I had to set the last pancake somewhere quickly so I dropped it onto what I thought was my clean wooden cutting board. But obviously the cutting board had not been scrubbed off fully, and after placing a hot pancake on it for about thirty seconds, the pancake acquired the unmistakable flavor of ONION! And the pancake is so freaking good that I ate it anyway.

Other things: I made loud cursing words upon finding a small BOWL deep in my corner cupboard, sealed into a plastic baggie (I guess this was the saving grace of the situation), containing what appears to be CHOCOLATE SYRUP. I am blaming Buffy for this because who else could reach this spot, which I had trouble reaching? Now the question is, why does Buffy put chocolate syrup in a bowl, wrap it in plastic, and hide it deep in the cupboard? WHY????

Edited to say: apparently this could have been my mother in law. Okay. Granted, we sometimes drink together, but still, WHY????

[Elle]

Just somehow get ahold of havarti cheese with chives and horseradish. I don't know where this manna falls from but it's the best thing on a hamburger, especially if you slap on a slab of avocado, sliced tomato... sigh.

[Elle]

If you are grilling and you have a leftover steak, slice it thin and warm it in a small pan where you've mixed a TB (or more) each of soy sauce, A-1, teriyaki sauce, italian dressing, bacos (or whatever you use for that - chopped cooked bacon, fake bacon, etc) and a pinch of red pepper flakes. Toss in half a can of garbanzo beans, cook a few min until all is warm and coated in sauce, and then drop it on the middle of a salad bowl where you've got lettuce, tomato, and cubed avocado waiting, or whatever else you like on your salad. It's really good.

[Elle]

I have this awesome cookbook that tells you how to doctor up boxed cake mixes to make a superfast cake. I am about to add white chocolate and sour cream to a box of white cake and SEE WHAT HAPPENS! It will have a fruit topping later. I can't wait.

[Elle]

Find your bundt pans, people. Grease em up, flour em. Heat oven to 350. Put three squares white baking chocolate in ze little bowl. Pour in 1/2 cup water. Microwave half minute or maybe more, get chocolate soft, mush it up in the waters until smooth. Let it cool down. Beat 4 eggs in ze big bowl. Put 1/2 tsp baking soda in. Add dash of vanilla, shot of Chambord if you have it. Put in 1/3 cup canola oil, 1/3 cup buttermilk, 1/3 cup "lite" sour cream (because this is a super healthy cake we're making), and oh what the heck, another 1/4 cup sour cream? Why not. Pour in 1 box cake mix - really doesn't matter what kind. Maybe white if you want to make a pretty color; maybe yellow, maybe chocolate, whatever! Mix it all up, pour the mixture of water/chocolate melt in to help moisten everything. Pour in the bundt pan. Drop a few drops pretty color around the cake and gently mix it in a few inches - this will leave a pretty little ring of color at the bottom of your cake once it's all done. Bake 45 min at 350. When the cake is done, cool it down before removing from pan. Meanwhile, take about 12 oz of fresh or frozen raspberries and preserve a few for garnishes (could use almost any berry for this if no rasp.), and put the rest into small saucepan with a few TB sugar. Put 2 tsp cornstarch into maybe 1/4 - 1/2 cup cold water and mix to smooth, then add to raspberries. You don't want much water - just enough to moisten the sugars and help everything cook down a little. You can also use Chambord if you have it. Squirt a bit of lemon juice in to keep some sanity for this thing. Once this comes just barely to bubbling and then is thickened as it cools, press it through a strainer to catch the raspberry seeds. Rub until all the moisture is passed thru strainer. Save those seeds for something else, i.e. cookie topping, or just shove them straight into your face off the wooden spoon. Hopefully by now your cake is almost cooled, so you put a plate over the pan, flip it, and there's your cake right side up! VERY gently prick the top with a fork all the way around. Drizzle the de-seeded raspberry sauce over your cake but hold back about 1 TB. Keep picking up the sauce that pools at bottom of cake with a spoon or turkey baster and pour it all over your cake until it's saturated with raspberry. Take the TB of sauce you held back and slowly add confectioner's sugar until it's thicker and a lighter color, but still pourable. Pour this thin frosting over the top arch of the cake in a zigzag so it drips down all around.

[Elle]

I need ideas for normal quick dinners. Totally bored. Please help. It cannot be bad for you, like a bunch of white rice or potatoes involved. Meat and veggies in some way that I didn't think up myself, basically. Something new on the grill? I don't know.

[Mike]

I just put stromboli on our family menu.

Roll out a refrigerator tube of pizza crust dough. Layer on a variety of lunch meats to taste (about a half-pound per crust). Top with shredded cheese of some sort (I use mozzarella and Parmesan). Sprinkle on some spices... I just use generic "Italian Seasoning". Roll it up and seal the ends. Bake at 375 for 25 minutes. Cut into slices and serve with marinara for dipping.

We usually make three of them to feed our whole family and typically have just enough left over for a couple lunches the next day.

[Elle]

That is a terrific idea, and what I really like about it is that I can keep the crust very minimal to save on carbs and the kids can do most of the work of making it, which exponentially increases the likelihood they will cheerfully eat it.

[Eliahad]

[Mike]

Yancey gave me the same bit about stromboli being basically an open-face sub. He loves that story.

[DMDarcs]

[Elle]

So the moral appears to be: avoid food trucks at Gencon?

Around 15 years ago I used to go to this bar with my husband where a guy would show up randomly and serve plates of food he brought in a big crockpot. The main item was beef he had crockpotted all day with Indian spices, like a beef Vindaloo, which he would spread all over a plate of nacho chips along with the usual fixings like chopped tomato, lettuce, cheese, sour cream. So, Indian beef nachos, basically. The fact that I am telling you about this 15 years later should be some indication of the high quality level. I have tried to recreate it to no avail. I need this man to have a food truck; that is the moral of my story.

[Cazmonster]

I claim this as mine because that picture there is the picture I took of my batch. Now, it has a life of its own on the interwubs.

[Elle]

I love it, that is definitely your thing - it's your picture!

[Cazmonster]

Blueberry Slab Pie

Software
Crust
One Package ready-to-roll pie crust

Filling
6 cups Blueberries (frozen is super convenient - allow thaw at least 45 minutes)
2 teaspoons lemon juice
1 cup sugar
2 Tablespoons cup corn starch
1 teaspoon cinnamon

Crumb Topping
1 cup Oats, Quick Cooking
1 cup Brown Sugar, packed
1/2 cup Flour
1/2 cup Butter, softened
1/2 cup Pecans, chopped

Hardware
Half-sheet Pan
Parchment Paper
Rolling Pin
Pizza Cutter
2 Large Bowls
Knife
Fork

Instructions
Preheat oven to 375
Lay out parchment paper
Overlap the dough rounds by a little less than a quarter and then roll them lightly until they are larger than the half-sheet pan.
Slide the parchment paper into the half-sheet pan.
Trim pastry as needed and use a fork to crimp the edges

Place washed blueberries in a large bowl and add lemon juice, toss to coat
In a large bowl 1, combine sugar, flour and cinnamon. Add to blueberries and toss to coat
Scatter evenly on top of crust

In large bowl 2, combine oats, brown sugar and flour
Add butter and mix until coarse crumbs form
Stir in pecans. Sprinkle on top of blueberries

Bake for about 30 minutes or until bubbly

[Elle]

I'm not used to cooking with parchment paper. Do you leave it in the pan while this cooks? Or somehow slide it out?

[Cazmonster]

Stays in. It's safe to like 475 degrees. It's the slickest thing you can put in a pan. I use it with almost everything I bake.

[Elle]

I have to put it on my shopping list. It's a staple item for Martha and I use a lot of her recipes, so... I should have it already. They say to do a lot of holiday Cookies on it.

Anyway, today I am roasting chicken to go with some pre-bought Indian side dishes. Pretty good for a lazy Saturday. I love Labor Day weekend because there is not a damned thing to do and it's suppertime and I am just now contemplating whether I should remove my robe, which I've been wearing all day since rising late from the bed. Ahhhh. I had a bottle of Stella while still enrobed. Good situation.