What's YOUR problem?

[Phoebe]

I feel bad because the teachers are just putting in 200% work right at this time, but I honestly find it incomprehensible what my kid is supposed to be doing. The other two seem to have much clearer instructions going back and forth. But for this one kid, I don't think I'm stupid, and for the life of me I cannot figure it out. They send stuff all day long, in this jumble that no one could understand. What is due by tomorrow? No idea! Something is due. I have sent gentle emails, tl which a very positive and enthusiastic response is given, but no Answers.

[Ronster]

We have similar issues. Large work loads with unclear instructions.

Hopefully we can look back on this situation and see how we learned through our hardships.

[akiva]

The distance learning process is a huge pain in the ass so far because lots of people (teachers, students, and parents) don't know what they're doing. My kids' school district is one of the best in the state, but they're still struggling. The district I teach in is rather inept and corrupt, so it's taking them about 2 weeks longer than my kids' district. And they're loading us down with things we can try--Pear Deck, Smart Suite, Zoom, Google Meet, etc--that adds to the confusion.

Fortunately for me and my students, it's a bit easier for us because the students all get to use iPads, so we're all familiar with with Google Classroom and other basic stuff. But getting everyone into the online stuff is a huge pain in the ass because of a myriad of technical glitches and complications. So this is fun!

[Ronster]

Well I must admit I chose correctly.
I applied for my Leave at work and before the end of the day my boss turned back into a monster. He did not let me go early and he waited around until he was about to leave to give me a big F.U. (not in so many words, but enough to make me so happy that I will not see him for 10 weeks). What a real piece of work he is. I am going to enjoy not being around for the toxic pettiness.

It turns out that my application trumped his and he now has to work 8 hour shifts and is one of the three remaining people that have to man the fort while everyone else is gone.

[Phoebe]

Perfectionists cannot record videos in one take. It's a basic principle. But editing video is too time consuming. Mess.

[akiva]

[Phoebe]

This is where the voice of my actual therapist rises up to say, what is the criterion for an error or imperfection that actually matters? For example, Is it a factual error, or something inadvertently confusing? If so it probably does need to be redone. But is it something like, I felt like that was stupid or I felt like I sounded weird? Because if the criteria are too numerous or small you'll do it a thousand times and never find a good one. I have not made it to a thousand yet but I certainly have gotten close.

[Phoebe]

Please help me with my problem. I don't know if any of you are having a similar one but I need advice. My friend, let's call her Brucie, has family members who wish to visit. But they will not sit still in a distant place for conversation with masks on. They wander around, no masks, and approach people too closely, they sit too closely to others while speaking and laughing and otherwise expelling their breathy particles with vigor, they touch her pets with their hands, they occasionally travel indoors, and they visit for a long time so they are sure to saturate the area with exhalations. They also frequent public places like stores and gather with others in similar (or perhaps even less cautious) fashion.

My friend Brucie is very concerned about angering people by being, let's say, a huge rolling bitch about this situation. The others are kind and fairly reasonable, but they also think she is overreacting (a long-standing general tendency to disagree about this sort of thing lies beneath, along with a long shitty track record of these people glibly passing stomach viruses to Brucie's kids when it was very avoidable). Once she has given an inch by permitting any gatherings, the others want that inch again and also a few more inches. Yet Brucie prefers to live and also wants her other family members to live!

She knows she will lose this fight if it is waged carelessly, or that the consequences will be annoying and lead to undesirable conflict within the family. She needs to carefully pick her battles. What should she do?

A) Have a review conversation with the people in question outlining the necessary procedures for safe distancing.
Pros: rational, mature, might work?
Cons: yeah, very unlikely to be effective; highly likely to risk more long-term problems of the "Brucie is an OCD nutcase" variety, which causes Brucie a certain amount of completely justified rage at this point (see track record above plus all kinds of other instances).

B) pretend to be sick.
Pros: effective.
Cons: immoral, and could backfire like most pretense does.

C) run away from home.
Pros: safety
Cons: many subsequent complications and problems too large to overcome

D) persuade someone else to use method A
Pros: all the benefits of method A without having to do it herself
Cons: who the hell is going to do it, and what further negative consequences would arise from trying to get somebody to do this, and will it ultimately be ineffective anyway?

Personally I would advise her to go with method B, but I understand her moral discomfort with that option. It also sets a bad precedent if one needs to solve real problems in the world by resorting to deception, ESPECIALLY if one would have to lie to EVERYONE and actually, you know, fake illness.

[Stan]

Can Brucie make herself throw up? If she throws up on one of them just once, I bet they they will keep their distance forever. All Brucie will have to do is start to gag or say she doesn't feel well and they will instantly make themselves a distant target.

[Phoebe]

That's a terrific option E: kind of like option B but with the virtue of being true!
I don't know if she can accomplish that. I'll have to ask her.

[Phoebe]

Okay I asked her and she's pretty sure she can't make herself throw up on command in quite the spectacular way that would be required for this. She does have bad allergies right now; maybe that's the basis for an honest dishonesty.

[Tahlvin]

Personally, I went with a variant of Option C: we moved far enough away from any immediate family that it eliminated the possibility of drop-in-type visits without significant advanced notice. We established that approach by moving across the country a week after our wedding, and have held firm to it ever since (28 years this coming Saturday!), and it has been wonderful.

I would like to say that Option A would be the sensible choice. But if Brucie knows that the family members involved have a history of being unable or unwilling to follow those sort of instructions, then my suggestion would be: don't fake an illness, just come right out and tell them (not being obnoxiously blunt, but obliquely so) that, while Brucie values the relationship with the family members, and would love to interact with them on FaceTime/Zoom/Skype/online meeting site of their choice, Brucie is not yet in a position to allow face-to-face personal interaction at this time, and don't elaborate anymore than that.

[Phoebe]

Two people, two, a big two, having stressful visits to the doctor today, and I can't go with them due to the covid, and I am so worried about what the results will be that I am not able to still my body from twitching nervously! Grrr. I'm going to lay here with my stuffed animal now, y'all.

[akiva]

[Phoebe]

Now one of them has to go back for a scan in a few hours. So hopefully that's clear, or else finally some kind of action can be taken.

[Ronster]

we set out chairs in the front yard and keep our distances. We get no drop in visits.
I'd tell Brucie to tell them that this is the situation. No changes allowed...because you may be at-risk for health reasons.

[Phoebe]

Brucie's relatives came and went and although it was not great, it was better, with minor efforts from plans A and D (D happened spontaneously, maybe because D has health worries and decided to be serious about it).

Biopsies were taken, results will follow, and one good piece of news is that a very likely alternate explanation of the problem was uncovered in one person's case. So that's a relief. Postpones need for more tests and may end up resolving problem. As I type I am grinding my teeth with stres; please stop hurting your teeth, idget.

[Phoebe]

Roundup. Every year, twice a year, like clockwork. I hate it. It also never fails to take a desirable flora victim with it.

[Phoebe]

Two possible non-frightening answers for one person's problems have arrived. This is great. Still other frightening answers in the hopper, and still don't know about the other person, but good news is good news. It could easily be that something easily fixable is happening.

[Phoebe]

Well, we have come back around again to point zero, both Brucie and I. She lives surrounded by extended family that just cannot accept the reality that we are still dealing with the virus, who are none too pleased with her stance that absolutely nothing has changed relative to the needed safety measures since March, and I live in fear of other people's health problems. Did pretty well today with groceries though; this whole time period is an OCD fantasy, If fantasies were generally bad things.