[Deep Thoughts] A Better You

[Phoebe]

An easier model to understand it with is something like: suppose you had a hand washing compulsion, so you chose to rub your hands on the dirty floor and not respond by washing them. It won't be effective ERP if you manage to somehow hold out for 30 seconds and then rush to the sink and wash them for relief! The goal is to sit and observe your resulting anxiety and wait until the anxiety starts to go back down again to a manageable level. Once you reach the place where you no longer feel the urge to jump up and wash your hands, and can dust them off and go about your business, you have completed the cycle.
Otherwise, you might be amazed what the brain will endure and for how long without actually accepting the anxiety, and only forestalling it until the next big burst of self-soothing is reached again! Like imagine someone who had a fear of contracting germs by breathing the air somewhere... They decide to go to the place, but just hold their breath for 30 seconds until they can rush back out again. Not ERP! Only reinforces the bad ritual.

It's trickier when you're talking about everything happening inside your own mind, which is why having the external script helps to keep you on track. Then you don't have to think about what you're thinking; you just read the prepared script aloud and let the thoughts fall where they may.

[Phoebe]

It was great timing for me to finally start taking a happy brain pill a few months before this covid thing began in earnest. But then it was suggested to me that I take a slightly higher dose, which I did for a little while, but it didn't seem to change anything so I went back down to the lower dose again. Since then, I start getting a migraine every single day about 2-3 hours before I'm supposed to take my pill. I don't want to go back up to the higher dosage now, because forestalling a headache seems like a bad reason to be doing that - seems like a great reason to stop taking the damn stuff altogether. But a little was very helpful, so I don't want to stop taking it - I'm just bothered that my brain apparently expects it now. Am I actually hurting my own brain's ability to patch itself up? I don't know enough about how this works.

[Mike]

It may be coincidence. With changes in weather and season and routine, you may be getting headaches at that time for unrelated reasons, but you attribute it to the medicine, because that was an obvious conscious change you made at that time.

[Phoebe]

This is true. My brain considers the evidence of reason and decides, yes, you're right, because I have probably had the covid and now have a daily headache and exhaustion because recovery, during which time I am poisoning my parents. Reason ftw!