How Many Jackass Kindergartners Could You Take?

[Kyle]

This is the jawbone of a donkey:



This is an average kindergartner, aged 5 and 3 feet 6 inches tall:



In Mike's podcast:

http://www.nerdprideradio.com/?p=1021

...he was asked how many Philistines he could take down with one. The question he wanted to ask was- If I'm in the middle of a gymnasium armed only with this jawbone of an ass, could I take out as many kindergartners as Samson did Philistines? Could you take 1,000 kindergartners?

[Kyle]

For sake of the exercise, assume that the kindergartners are psycho bloodthirsty killers that are trying to murder you and tear you apart with their bare hands. For the sake of the exercise.

[Mike]

It depends on how well they work together. If they're just mindless berserkers, then I'll get through quite a lot of them, I think. If they are coordinated, they can trip me up, pin me down, and take my donkey's jaw away from me pretty quick.

Well organized kindergarteners: I get 5 to 10 of them before I go down.

Berserker kindergarteners: 70-100?

[Kyle]

I think we need to assume non-coordinated berserkers. Not zombies- because you can hobble them or kill them without a head shot- and they run as fast as a kindergartner can.

And let's assume they rush you only five at a time.

I'll be honest- I think I get swarmed and overwhelmed between 15 and 20. Y'all- I'm fat. The second I get winded. Oooo-boy. It's going down fast at that point.

[Mike]

Oh crap yeah. I get winded fast. But also, they only weigh 40 pounds. They don't do a lot of damage.

[Kyle]

Yeah, but I'm going to get winded just swinging that damn jawbone. And if I have to start running around? Katie bar the door. I'm not making it if I have to run.

[Tahlvin]

Dude. Cardio. You know that's rule #1. And don't forget to double tap.

[Kyle]

[Ronster]

If I am not restricted to only the jaqwbone I think 100 is not a far stretch. My problem would be because of the 2 shoulder surgeries I've had. Children are light and easily broken...and I am not. just sayin...

[Phoebe]

I have some empirical data from watching a Jiu-Jitsu master fight off a dozen gradeschoolers who are all trying to take him down. At first it's not even a challenge for him, but eventually even the best fighters get tired when sixty pound weights are hanging onto all their limbs at once. On the other hand, his goal is not to hurt them in these exercises. What if the goal were the opposite? So it's a hard question.

[DMDarcs]

I was taken down by a group of about 15. This is regular kindergartners. Once they get the ability to ignore pain? Forget it. Swarm tactics are a thing.