Old People Talk

[Kyle]

Hey young people- pay attention. This is the thread to talk about stuff that happens when you get old.

Reading glasses? Check. Realizing that you make weird groans when you get up from a low couch? Check. Making sure that you eat enough fiber and stay away from the stuff that "stops you up"? Triple check. Making sure to check the police blotter for your community every week? Oh hells yeah.

So use this to talk about old people stuff.

I want to discuss Gold Bond Powder. Oh my god, this stuff is the bomb. Why are more people not talking about Gold Bond?

[Phoebe]

I've never had the powder but we do have the Gold Bond lotion/cream because my husband's doctor recommended it for dry skin. But while we are on the subject of magical powders for old people, can I say enough about Mexsana? Forget old people: I give thanks that long before having a male child, much less a male teenager, the house was amply stocked with Mexsana.

Here's another one important to life: the Theracane. I assume you all have one and if you don't have one, maybe you're just not old enough to need one yet, but you're going to want one!

I have not suffered from hemorrhoids thank God, but I'm also told they make little moist towelettes specifically for hemorrhoids, which is a massive improvement on having mere creams and ointments.

[Mike]

First: never heard of Mexsana, but my friend Google tells me it is much like Gold Bond powder.

Second: all God's chilluns gots hemorrhoids. It's just a matter of how much you actually suffer from them.

Third: I've been a Metamucil advocate since my twenties.

[Phoebe]

My understanding is that the hemorrhoid involves a portion of the inner butt exiting the butt, and I oppose this whole concept and my butt understands that and will not behave in this wrongful fashion. So.

Old men seem to get chronically cold around the same time that old women are on a rollercoaster of heat, but not sure if it happens to all. Child found me the other day just standing in/next to the fridge. I drifted into the position mindlessly - wasn't paying attention and things finally felt Normal.

Can we also discuss bursitis? Nobody is talking about it but F&$# bursitis, that's what I'd like to announce. No idea how you deal with that, apart from the tears.

[Mike]

Hemorrhoids are inflamed and irritated veins in you anus and/or rectum. They do not have to protrude in any way. Some are entirely internal. Some are entirely external.

[Phoebe]

[Kyle]

Yeah- that thing about getting cold is real. I feel like a baby always looking for a sweater or hoodie. This sounds super old manish but I might look into a cardigan for this. Fred Rogers style.

[Phoebe]

Yes, we have a proliferation of little fleece jackets and fuzzy vests emblazoned with the company logo, the sports logo, etc to address this problem and currently the bed has comforter and quilt and flannel sheets. Meanwhile, little kids are always tossing their jackets off and running into the 40 degree chill in shirt sleeves, and that makes perfect sense to me.