Cringeworthy

[Mike]

Tell us a (true) embarrassing story about yourself. It doesn't have to be anything major, but something that embarrassed you at the time. Bonus points if it still makes you uncomfortable thinking about it now.

[Mike]

One time, I received a package at work. I opened it, and it was a model car. There was a patient in our building with the same name as mine, so I gave it back to the mailroom to take to him.

Shortly thereafter, I was on the phone with my boss and she says, "Hey, did you get that model car I sent you?"

There should have been alarm bells ringing, because this made no sense, but I didn't question it. I ran all over the building, trying to track down this patient and take that car back from him. When I finally got there and explained what happened, he laughed. It was definitely his--he ordered it and had been waiting a couple weeks for it.

I get back to my office, and Yancey is laughing at me. When my boss called, he immediately got on instant messaging with her and told her to ask that. I felt like a total idiot.

Yancey still brings it up every few months if there's someone in the office who hasn't heard it yet. Still makes me feel squicky every time.

[Ronster]

[Ronster]

Also, I had the whole garden hose incident:

we were trying to drain the pool at the end of Fall several years back when we had an above-ground pool. I had every hose I could find in the pool and had started them all draining by siphoning the old fashioned way by sucking on them until the water flowed. It wazs tricky business because you had to stop before the water got to you since it had algae in it...

Well, there was this one hose that was stubborn...it had lain around all year and I guess it thought it might have had a kink in it or maybe a leaf blocking the other end. I increased suction on my end until it worked.

It wasn't a leaf.

It was a small colony of ants...they had been hibernating already. I have no idea how many of them I ate, but I do know that they use dirt and dry vegetation for their homes.

I coughed and gagged for several minutes until I ruptured the blood vessels in my eyes from the intensity.

[mimekiller]

I have a friend who is almost phobic with food and eating healthy(jokes on me I guess when he lives till 105 and I drop at 56), one time at Applebees he was especially kvetching over some kind of breakfast burger. I boldly ordered the food he was quibbling about and when I received my burger proclaimed "lock and load" as I took my first bite which caused the egg to explode and blow egg yolk all over my shirt. Not my proudest moment.

[Mike]

A. Ants. Gross. I cannot even imagine.

B. Breakfast burger. Damn I love a breakfast burger.

[mimekiller]

Oh gosh I can feel the heat in my face just typing this one out


Visiting Monterrey Aquarium with the EX, in the room that has a variety of exhibits and a place that allows you to pet sting rays. One deal has this thing with a kind if periscope you dip into a tank that allows you to zoom in and find small critters and take a snapshot

Feeling flirty i was going to try to take a snapshot with the camera of my ex fairly impressive arse and present it to her in a oh look what wonderful creature I found kind of joke haha.

So I raise the periscope out of the water and start trying to track her in the crowd, she's moving kind of fast so I'm working the camera trying to get a perfect shot when I feel a tap on my shoulder and some dude says "I can see what your doing". Well I had no idea but apparently not only do you have a tiny screen to work with, whatever the camera is looking at is also being projected onto a 100 inch flat screen over my head. I usher my wife over so I can quickly explain how I'm not a sex pervert and I was able to escape without my dignintiy but at least not being kicked out of a Aquarium.

[Mike]

Ha! That is amazing!

[El Jefe]

I once walked home about 35-ish miles, because my ride to the party ditched me. When I got home, I couldn't figure out why my sock was so damn sticky and wet. That's because there was no shoe on that foot, and there was a whole shitload of blood.

After spending the night with a partner, I suddenly felt I had no choice but to immediately, as in RIGHT FUCKING NOW, leave to avoid the unpleasant morning conversations. I decided the best bet was to stand up, throw on my t-shirt, grab my keys and smokes, and hand-vault over the balcony. Please note that I mentioned nothing about my pants in this description. On the way over the balcony, I remembered that I was on one of those third story apartment buildings, but it's really like one and a half (ground floor is really basement floor, barely peaking out of the ground). The choice was to land on the pavement or the grass. I managed to land on the hood and windshield of someone's car. I'm wearing boxers, clearly just did some amazing damage to the front end of somebody's car. I get in my car, smoke and drive home. I call the partner a day or two later and say "Hey, can you send those pants to my address? I really like them!" They did, along with the bill for their car that I landed on.

Drugs and medical care factor in to a lot of my funny stories. I don't know why that is.

[mimekiller]

lmao Hauze doing something like a cross between METAL GEAR SOLID and THREE STOOGES skit to get out of pillow talk. Fantastic!

[mimekiller]

Ocelot this guy/girl is asleep, what are my escape routes.

Snake you need to take a leap off the balcony but don't forget your pants and shoes wait snake snake SNAKKKKEEEEE

[Bonefish]

I wore a shirt covered in cum to my highschool.

[mimekiller]

[Bonefish]

Go ahead.

[mimekiller]

was it your cum or someone elses cum

[El Jefe]

I once spent an entire day full of meetings absolutely chemically destroyed. At the end of the day, after never once responded in 8 hours worth of meetings, I was put in charge of a project over two WAY more qualified women. Because I was spent my time "working out the project in my head, very thoughtful and reflective."

The next day I had to ask the two women what the project was, and what I needed to do. I couldn't make up for management being fucking clueless (or me being an utterly idiotic addict), so the best I could do was cover their Friday "treat yourself" lunches for a year and their bar tabs for the next four weekends. That was the deal we settled on. When I went to do my exit interview from that company, I made sure to tell the dipshit manager exactly what went down.