Would you have another kid?

[Phoebe]

For some of you this is an easy yes because you're already planning on it. For others of us marveling at Brigitte Nielsen's fortitude in this regard (also wasn't she my age in like 1992?), or really thinking about babies who need homes, it's a long shot. I always thought in the back of my mind that we might adopt a kid later. But now we're old and tired and teenagers take more time than the 5-12 range, which has come as a surprise. We also realize how much effort might go in to caring for parents, which renders more parenting impossible.

Assuming none of that was true and the body was able, however, I still can't see wanting to do this. I could see taking kids in temporarily - maybe? It almost seems a moral responsibility in a world where kids need people who have the resources and skill set needed for a challenge. Yet the energies demanded for parenting are so intense, and my supply is dwindling rather than remaining constant or building. I have a few male friends my age who are still planning to have kids and I'm thinking, how does that work even for them, when you maybe want to retire from work, but you've got impending college and not enough sleep.and such? Don't know. TL;DR: like taking care of people, have shrinking energies for it, don't want younger boyfriend with little kids, so Drake is apparently out of luck here.

[Kyle]

For sure. I'd take another four if I could afford it.

[Tahlvin]

Nope, absolutely not. Between children 2 and 3, we went through three miscarriages, which was an emotional wringer. We reached the point when we were pregnant with child 3 that we decided that was it, successful or not, boy or girl, we were done. Every once in awhile, I have fleeting thoughts about adopting or fostering kids, but it quickly goes away. Yes, we can financially afford to, but emotionally and physically we cannot. With one child now out of college and soon-to-be gainfully employed, another heading off to college, and our youngest starting high school, we're ready for the downhill side of the parenting roller coaster, and looking forward to some indeterminate point in the future when we'll have grandchildren that we can spoil while letting our children handle the parental heavy lifting.

[Phoebe]

One thing that has crossed my mind is adopting a much older child, once our kids are older themselves. Like maybe I could commit to the kind of care that a teenager needs even though I can't see myself starting over again, just in terms of physical energies, with a 2 year old? But if I'm a crap parent of teenagers then it won't work out very well!

[El Jefe]

[mimekiller]

[Mike]

Nope. I am done.

[Phoebe]

Can I adopt the 22 year old El Jefe? OMG the carousel. Squeeeee!!!

[FlameBlade]

Eff no. Done after two.

[El Jefe]

[Phoebe]

[bralbovsky]

[Kyle]

[bralbovsky]

Sorry if I was cryptic.

Sure, I'd be willing to raise more children.
They are expensive, if you want them not to be disadvantaged and you want to more easily avoid (no guarantees) negative choices afforded by idleness, they require funding.
This is usually provided by work, which takes time away from your being with them.
Having said that, there's a balance. They need time to be independent, so reasonable work is fine; too much work is...too much.

Four is a lot. Two is two hands full, and once you're outnumbered, that's tricky.
At my age, with my energy budget, one or two at a time I could handle. Maybe I have enough years for four more total. I liked Kyle's answer, so I went with his number.

If you have money, you have more choices about the time you can spend with them.
Money is a lubricant in our culture. It makes lots of things easier. Trips to cool places, exposure to activities so she can discover her dream job, bikes and helmets and air fare and college (if desired). It is also a shield against certain unhealthy stress.
I know, I know. Poverty builds character...b.s. It builds character the way famine builds muscle. Epigenetics is, so far, in favor of no famine.

Thanks for letting me know I wasn't clear, seriously. I imagine I often fumble the balancing act between striving to be brief and making any sense at all.

[Walrus]

I know Mrs Walrus wants more. I am very much not a fan. Not from the having the child point of view, but it would be another high risk pregnancy, monthly trips into the big city to watch for placental issues, the every other week jumping at sights that could be spelling the beginning of the end for mother or child, or could be nothing.
the arrogent specialists who declarethat if you don't drop absolutely everything and jump when they say you are 'obviously not taking this seriously'. Or who are epic failures when it comes to understanding that not everyone who works full time is above poverty line, and dropping work shifts for those folks, especially at the last instant, is not possible.

It always blows me away when folks argue FOR a privatised healthcare system as a positive for the people living under it.
We did this under a socialised healthcare system and it burned us fairly effectively - had we had to pay for every bit of doc and hospital care as well we'd be beyond on the street right now.

[bralbovsky]

Totally agree on avoiding the health risks to mom and kids, and sympathize how much harder everything is because of fake capitalism.

[Walrus]

[Mike]

I suspect you and Bill are not referring to the same things.

[Walrus]

[bralbovsky]

One caveat:
I confess, while watching the Bio 101 video where the single cell creature becomes two single cell creatures, I was rooting for the new cell, fresh despite it's apparent identical-ness, heading out for it's own section of the petri dish to begin it's new life as a pediatrician or something.
I failed to consider whether the reduced, amputated, original cell felt anything at the loss of a good portion of its plasma. Fully understanding that every machine of the cell is specifically designed in support of this launch, it now occurs to me that I should have paid a bit more attention.

Andrew Solomonis a writer and lecturer I admire who talks about how parenthood is more joy, and perhaps less happiness, but he doesn't really engage on this moment of flight. I suspect his children are still too young. This is my second go at it, and I'm getting worse at it instead of better. I'm not sure I will survive the third. Except for that, there is nothing so daunting and terrifying and wonderful as parenting. If it was only the very act of being taught that it isn't about me - which some people sadly never learn- it's worth it.

This week, I sent (after dysfunctionally following her as far as Chicago) my newly minted middle-child Dr. to the west coast to begin her residency. It would have hurt less to sacrifice a limb.
Of course, I can't put that on facebook. For my daughter's benefit, I am 100 percent joyful in her independence, (We don't consider the phantom pain, which can't be real anyway.)

If you can, call your Dad; don't wait for the holiday.