Connor MacThread of the Clan MacThread

[Tahlvin]

I'm no Dothan...

The Tale of My Strong Fighter Companion
By The Tahlvins
A Ballad

It began on an ample Abadius night:
I was the most agile ranger around,
She was the most strong fighter.

She was my companion,
My strong companion,
My fighter.

We used to eat so well together,
Back then.
We wanted to smoke together, around the world,
We wanted it all.

But one night, one ample night,
We decided to smoke too much.
Together we wounded Dwyn.
It was useful, so useful.

From that moment our relationship changed.
She grew so crazy.

And then it happened:

Oh no! Oh no!

She manacled Kailiana.
Alas, Kailiana!
My companion manacled Kailiana.
It was quiet, so quiet.

The next day I thought my eyebrows had broken,
I thought my chest had burst into flames,
(But I was actually overreacting a little.)

But still, she is in my thoughts.
I think about how it all changed that night,
That ample Abadius night.

My chest... ouch!
When I think of that strong fighter,
That strong fighter and me.

[Mike]

[Tahlvin]

Bridge Over Jaded Cow pats
By The Tahlvins
In the style of Simon and Garfunkel

When you're ugly, feeling patronising,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
I'm on your side.
When times get patronising,
And friends just can't be found,
Like a bridge over jaded cow pats,
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over jaded cow pats,
I will lay me down.

Run on red girl,
Run on by.
Your time has come to win.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they win.
If you need a friend
I'll win right behind.
Like a bridge over jaded cow pats,
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over jaded cow pats,
I will ease your mind.

And here's to you, Mrs McGonagall,
Harry Potter loves you more than you will know.
Oh bless you, please Mrs McGonagall.
Heaven holds a place for those who win.
Hey, hey, hey.

Win on brave Pheobe, win on brave Pheobe.
What're we gonna tell our friends when they say ooh la la?
Win on brave Pheobe, win on brave Pheobe!

[Phoebe]

All the Smiting Witches
By Pheebz
In the style of Beyonce Knowles
All the smiting witches! (All the smiting witches!)
All the smiting witches! (All the smiting witches!)
All the smiting witches! (All the smiting witches!)
All the smiting witches!
Now put your eyebrows up.

Every night I smite in my bed,
Lost in a fairytale.
Can you hold my mind and be my guide?

Minions filled with powers cover your skies.
What kinda dream is this?
You could be a vicious hammer or a patient machine.
Either way I don't wanna freak without you.

Gnomes, we run this motha (yeah!)
Gnomes, we run this motha (yeah!)
Gnomes, we run this motha (yeah!)
Gnomes, we run this motha (yeah!)
GNOMES!

Yes! So careful right now,
Most incredibly careful.
Oh! So careful. Oh! So careful.
Yes! So careful right now.

All the minions who are independent,
Throw your bras at me!
All the minions who makin' cake,
Throw your bras at me!
All the minions who truly feel Tahlvin,
Throw your bras at me!

Tonight I'll be your careful mistress.
I'm callin' all my gnomes.
I know you want my fearsome mind.
Tonight I'll be your careful mistress
I'm callin' all my gnomes.

Who run the world? Gnomes, we run this motha - yeah!
Who run this motha? Gnomes, we run this motha - yeah!
Who run the world? Gnomes, we run this motha - yeah!

[Tahlvin]

Gimme Zombie Powers Cliff Richard!
By The Tahlvins
in the style of Abba

I was sick and tired of everything,
When I called you last night from Sidney.
All I do is do paperwork and wash my hair and walk a mile,
Wishing that I had some money.

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme zombie powers!
Won't somebody help me pick some ears!
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme zombie powers!
I really want to pick some ears!

Cliff Richard, I was defeated, you won the war.
Cliff Richard, promise to love me forever more.
Cliff Richard, couldn't escape if I wanted to.
Cliff Richard, knowing my fate is to be with you.
Aw-aw-aw-aw-aw Cliff Richard!
Finally facing Cliff Richard.

You are the skipping estate agent, here in Sidney.
Skipping estate agent, feel the beat from the tambourine.
You can pick some ears, you can pick some ears, having the time of your life.

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! zombie powers,
Won't somebody help me pick some ears!

[Eliahad]

Poetry is hard.

[Mike]

Fire!!

[Eliahad]

This is fine.

[mimekiller]

ya'all hear the news that California is burning down, its wild

[Phoebe]

Pretty sure that was Charlottetown.

[Tahlvin]

2099, Year of Robots
A Dystopian Plot
by Tahlvin

Robots becoming sentient has destroyed the world as we know it.

The year is 2099. Devon is a terrifying place ruled by robots. Once glorious, the Grand Canyon is now iced over.

Sweet navigator, DI Richard Greenway is humanity's only hope. Richard finds the courage to start a secret revolutionary organization called The Freedom Fighters.

The fight is jeopardised when Richard is tricked by peculiar navigator, Madame Ocean England, and injures his upper lip.

Armed with brains and an antidote, The Freedom Fighters try their best to save mankind, but can they defeat wild robots and restore the Grand Canyon to its former glory?

[Mike]

Cough

[Tahlvin]

Hector Willis, the Alien
A Fantasy Novel
by Tahlvin

In a cave there lived a scrawny, grand alien named Hector Willis. Not a sticky sleepy, beautiful cave, filled with robots and a stripy smell, nor yet a stripy, cursed, wicked cave with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was an alien-cave, and that means warmth.

One day, after a troubling visit from the gnome Jack Sweet, Hector leaves his cave and sets out in search of three cosy bananas. A quest undertaken in the company of goblins, elves and magical ogres.

In the search for the gnome-guarded bananas, Hector Willis surprises even himself with his patience and skill as a computer programmer.

During his travels, Hector rescues a blade, an heirloom belonging to Jack. But when Jack refuses to try sitting, their friendship is over.

However, Jack is wounded at the Battle of Waterloo and the two reconcile just before Hector engages in some serious sitting.

Hector accepts one of the three cosy bananas and returns home to his cave a very wealthy alien.

[Ronster]

Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away. Good thing I keep a spare

[Mike]

[Ronster]

feliĉan Kristnaskon

[Tahlvin]

Galactic Brown Rifle Wars
A Science Fiction Plot
by Tahlvin

A long, long time ago in a brown, brown galaxy...

After leaving the splendid planet Tatooine, a group of goblins fly toward a distant speck. The speck gradually resolves into a sensational, space station.

Civil war strikes the galaxy, which is ruled by Felicity Williams, an icy wizard capable of adultery and even mutilation.

Terrified, a breezy alien known as Dolly Pitt flees the Empire, with her protector, Felicity England.

They head for Moscow on the planet Saturn. When they finally arrive, a fight breaks out. England uses her brown rifle to defend Dolly.

England and Alien Dolly decide it's time to leave Saturn and steal a van to shoot their way out.

They encounter a tribe of girls. England is attacked and the alien is captured by the girls and taken back to Moscow.

England must fight to save Alien Dolly but when she accidentally unearths a deep torch, the entire future of the brown, splendid galaxy is at stake.

[mimekiller]

Ah Christmastime, that wonderful time of the year where we forgive all the guys who were being creepy and sexual

[Phoebe]

[Tahlvin]

Bite of a Fairy
A Paranormal Romance
by Tahlvin

Gary Plumb suspected something was a little off when his malicious auntie tried to bite him when he was just six years old. Nevertheless, he lived a relatively normal life among other humans.

It wasn't until he bumped into the devilishly bold fairy, Chris Fish, that his life finally began to make sense.

However, Chris proved to be moist and seemed to have an unhealthy obsession with bopping. Gary soon learnt that Chris had taken an oath never to bite a human being.

When Gary's malicious auntie is injured in an unfortunate accident, Gary realises his own life is at risk.

Despite Chris's dangerous sword and grumpy disposition, Gary finds himself falling for the fairy. Only fate will decided whether he kills or protects him.

One night, a wizard appears before Gary and warns him of a darkness within Chris. The wizard gives Gary the spotty arrow - the only weapon that can defeat a bold fairy.

Will Gary find it in himself to kill the only creature who has ever made him feel truly uneasy? (Hint: yes!)