First! (And you can't kill this thread.)

[Tahlvin]

You don't understand. Elle has been blasting "Party in the USA" at me through the attic door like I'm Noriega and it is Van Halen's "Panama"! It's been non-stop Miley cranked to 11 for 48 straight hours and counting!

[Elle]

Liar!

I have always felt ambivalent about this song. Dolly thinks someone can take her man? Dolly wants a man who can be "taken" away by someone? Dolly wants to appeal to her humanity instead of her kneecaps? It just represents a rather alien mode of being in the world. How about: "Disrespect me again like that while fawning over my husband and I'll claw both your bovine eyes out, you dumb skinny blonde bitch (who by the way is a Trump supporter)!" But I won't, because I'm too polite for that.

[Mike]

It depends on their level of friendship/acquaintance. If they are close, then you have outlined the correct response. However, regardless of how her and Jolene get on, her real ire should be reserved for "her man" if indeed he has given any indication that he open to being "taken".

[Cazmonster]

Remember the attic could be worse. It could be 24 hour bondage, brownie batter and clown porn.

[Tahlvin]

"Uh, Elle, what are you doing with that ball gag, mixing bowl, and poRtable DVD player?"

[Elle]

That is so not how it would go down. The last thing I would do is bring food into the attic, given how desirable a home it is for the neighborhood fauna already. And clowns leave me completely cold. We have to rethink this entire thing.

[Cazmonster]

My vote is for tag-team Nun wrestling.

[Elle]

Um, that's better than clowns, but I don't really want any Nuns either. Not even the kind that are a problem like Maria. Now if we got him slightly smudgy with car grease, a faintly smoky scent, dressed him in a white t-shirt or some type of undershirt, black eyeliner, gray sweatpants, and stumbled upon him as he was, say, soldering something complicated and electronic together... now we're talking.

Like,, which is questionable, but I don't even care - what is he doing? I am automatically interested.

, nothing more, nothing less. It's even an ANTIQUE machine. I am given to understand that the internet is mostly made of porn, and it's such a freaking waste. Can you imagine what it's like, when that picture is your own version? The world is a weird and alien place sometimes. It's not made for women, first of all. I'm pretty sure there has to be something like "mechanic working on car" porn but I doubt it would be right. I don't know what you're doing, but there you are, doing it. And the Canadian dude on Alone 2, Jose, that is the hotness right there.

[Tahlvin]

"Elle, what are you doing with a ball gag and toolbox?! No, don't put the soldering iron THERE!"

[Cazmonster]

Research shows she's a hipster-sexual. Try "fair-trade organic kale" as a safeword.

[Tahlvin]

Having seen Pitch Perfect 2 too many times recently, I think the safe word will be "Sriracha".

Dax: But what am I gonna do with my Sriracha?
Beca's Boss: Say one more hipster thing and I'm gonna shove you in your vintage bassoon case.

[Elle]

Oooh, I really do like kale. But I liked it before it was cool, you know.

[Cazmonster]

[Tahlvin]

"Elle, can you please remove the stalk of kale, and then wash the sriracha sauce out of my eyes? I promise I won't try to escape. Please?!"

[Mike]

[Placeholder]

[Elle]

Nothing about this is turning out well. Look, if you just leave and patch up the hole in the roof behind you, I'll pretend I didn't see anything.

I have a question and it's not worth generating a whole thread over. Suppose you could prevail upon some grandparent or other to run your life and household of kids in your absence for a few days while you spent about 48 hours in the company of your spouse while they went on a business trip. You could do other productive things during the few hours your spouse would be occupied, and then the two of you would just hang out and have suppers. The opportunity costs involved here are about two days worth of craziness wherein you have to prepare everyone for your absence, which is a major deal, and then a day when you get back and try to right the ship again. You also burn a certain amount of energies and goodwill from whoever comes to babysit, since they're not going to want to do it again later on when they've just spent three days at your house nonstop.

How much MONEY would you be willing to spend on this? Assume that you have that money sitting around, so it's not like you're going to go without car repairs or something if you choose to do this thing. But how much cash money would you invest in that plane ticket? My husband and I have a different number of dollars attached to this proposition.

[Cazmonster]

Not more than $650.

Now then, I'm back on my long week at work. So nobody but me is going to win until 0700 Tuesday at the earliest.

[Tahlvin]

We'd be willing to spend a couple thousand for something like that. But we have the funds available, and otherwise are pretty careful with our spending, so this wouldn't be any sort of financial burden for us. And we would only do something like that once in a great while. I have a friend who does this sort of thing pretty regularly, but again, it's not much of a financial burden for him, and he enjoys having his family to help the business trips be less of a burden.

[Elle]

The total expense would be $600 for one flight, which seems insane to me, especially because I bristle at things like purchasing a chair that costs that much. But now it is really up to the babysitting contingent whether this is even realistic.

[Tahlvin]

That was always a limited option for us. Our nearest family is at least 6 hours away. Much closer than when it used to be at least a 40 hour drive (if you didn't stop for the night), but still far enough away that babysitting is limited to very rare occasions, such as childbirth.