BEHOLD! Boris Vallejo's Chess King ads

[Mike]

I am not shitting you. These things get at the heart of everything Boris Vallejo AND Chess King were all about in their respective heydays.



A) Michael from the Lost Boys tamed a dragon. AND...
B) Grabbed himself a random extra from Valley Girl while he was at it.
C) All while sporting the height of men's fashion.

I'm serious, the girl's hair and makeup are what totally make this poster for me.

[Kyle]

Those are some pretty rad earphones. I bet he's blasting some Huey Lewis and the News.

[Mike]

Maybe that dragon's just a little too flashy for your tastes. You're going to a formal affair and need something a little more subdued. Not to worry, Chess King has dragons in all sizes:



I swear to God, the only thing that could make these better is if he were wearing two Swatch watches on one arm.

[Mike]

How about sci-fi?

[Mike]

It's a Boris Vallejo Christmas at Chess King!

[Kyle]

Honestly- I could put a print of one of these in my house.

[Mike]

I saved my favorite one for last:



Backwards cap. Useless suspenders dangling around his hips. Plus a goddam Cosby sweater tied around his waist? This is too much.

[Mike]

[Mike]

And for those of you who weren't cognizant of Chess King back when it was actually a thing, I need to explain that high school me actually shopped at Chess King. I bought a suit at Chess King for my senior pictures. A purple suit. Had me and my friends seen these ads back then (and I'm sure we did), we wouldn't have thought anything about them. If anything, these ads would have confirmed to me how undeniably awesome Chess King was and made me even more likely to shop there. I mean, look at that first guy. He's handsome. He has AWESOME hair. He's impeccably dressed. He scored a totally hot Amazon Valley Girl. AND he has a DRAGON! Who wouldn't want to be that guy in the 80's?

Also, we watched George Michael in WHAM! dancing in the video for Wake Me Up Before You Go Go and argued that there was no way that dude was gay.

We were a little oblivious. It was a simpler time.

[akiva]

I can’t unsee those things.

The horror . . . the horror . . .

[Mike]

You are welcome.

[mimekiller]

I used to post random DOS game videos on youtube and the CHESS ONES always got 100k views plus. people are really into retro chess pc gaming haha