Lesser Thoughts

[Phoebe]

This happens to our dog all the time but luckily he has never been permitted onto the bed. He is too big and vigorous for that, and the bed is a place for cats. Sadly there are no cats. What do I do about kids and other people who have gas and are in my bed?

[mimekiller]

[Phoebe]

The number of times I have accidentally clicked on the phpbb link at the bottom of the page is uncountable and probably makes them wonder why I'm that site's most frequent visitor.

This is why I walk around in a low level of inchoate rage at the world. Last night I try to get to sleep at a reasonable hour. I can't because the TV is distracting me and the lights are on. Then my kid comes in and she and my husband proceed to have some annoying conversation that apparently is of deep importance to everyone but me. One can't sleep through this either. Mountains are made of molehills that don't require any conversation, much less one in the late night. Then I wake up at the crack of dawn to make sure this same kid has not slept through the alarm, due to this inability to keep normal hours. After stumbling around trying to find dog food and work clothes and school clothes for people, I discover that the child has left an entire mug full of ice cream out on the counter along with the ice cream, as if it is about to be eaten for breakfast. No, I say, returning the ice cream to the fridge. I go out to the car to drive the kid to school. There is the kid holding the same ice cream. No I say again, you cannot eat ice cream for breakfast! Rather than handing me the offending cup, she starts shoveling it into her mouth as fast as possible. I am forced to seize the cup. At the last moment she shoves a giant spoonful into her mouth and then leaps into the car with the spoon still attached to her face. I now have a dirty ice cream spoon in my already filthy vehicle, made filthy because of incidents just like these repeated on a daily basis. I fling the spoon out the window and drive on. Next comes my husband who has not woken up from his alarm though it has been ringing and dinging loudly for over an hour, thus preventing me from catching any extra 20 minutes of sleep. He is late for work. Therefore he needs to shower at exactly the time I need to shower. I go shower in my kids room, where there is none of my stuff I need. The husband needs a lot of help getting dressed as if he were a giant toddler. He has many questions and lots of pouting about the location of his various garments. Now he is all dressed up. He informs me that I'm dressed like a boy. Although this should not have any effect on me and he is joking, I now feel insecure about my dumb outfit and feel obligated to change it. The kids are running around underfoot the entire time not putting shoes on, not eating breakfast, not leaving the dog things where they need to be left and so on. I make them breakfast. One is understandably more hungry than the other so eats half of my breakfast too. The dog slinks off in depression to his bed. It will be a mere three hours before he sees another person and gets to go out, but this is too long. I have not had time to do my hair, yet I go to work anyway, looking like an escapee from a home for aging cephalopods. Tomorrow is Saturday. That means we will repeat this again except in the context of going to soccer games.

[Iantha]

[Tahlvin]

[Iantha]

[Stan]

Did I mention this already? Based on a project I'm on that refers to non-colonoscopy rectal screening methods, I've realized that there is far more poop in the postal system than most people realize. A new product involves pooping in a bucket and mailing it to the lab. Opening those deliveries after a couple of days in the mail must be a shitty job.

A childish joy of mine. Whenever possible, I shorten follow-up to fu, in variable names and the like.

[mimekiller]

[Phoebe]

Dang, now I feel guilty for being mean to my husband. See, here is another case where we say things we think are lighthearted and amusing, but they aren't always received that way. Keep in mind, this theory about me escaping in brief bursts from my cell is completely accurate, and none of the things I say about my life, family, or whatever else have a basis in reality. This is the reality I dreamed up for myself and it works fine. My husband is an awesome person; he works very hard and there is literally no way he can help me out any more with life outside his job than he does. This is our arrangement, because our jobs have different demands. I was just having a bad morning. Bad shower, bad driving of kids to school, I was mad he said I was dressed like a boy, even though it was a joke, and so on. But none of this is serious or bad. Honestly, the guy has powers for good in the world you cannot even imagine; it's just hard for everyone to balance all of life's tasks.

[Tahlvin]

[Phoebe]

[Stan]

For a split second, almost every time I see DR Congo, I think it says Dr. Congo.

[Zen]