[Deep Thoughts] Ain't Nothin' Gonna Break My Stride

[Kyle]

How have your strengths help you to succeed? How have your faults hindered you?

[Eliahad]

It turns out I'm a patient motherfucker, so by sleeping with all those mothers I've really gotten ahead. I'm kidding.

I learn things quickly. Other people will learn them better over time, but my starting level is very high. I have excellent body awareness when it comes to leverage and muscle use. (So in very specific situations.) These make me an excellent freelance musician, where I often have to learn difficult music at a high level. On top of that, I have a technique that allows me to play for hours at a time, much longer than a lot of my colleagues. I can also tell you exactly why I have the silent movie gig from the music perspective, and that is entirely because all of the training in music I had was actually exactly what I needed for this one esoteric job.

I also see patterns quickly, and while Flameblade blows my doors off at this, I can do it in the 2-dimensional notational system that is music exceptionally well.

My biggest thing that is holding me back as a professional is also my greatest strength as a musician. I try and make the people around me better, and I do this to the diminisment of myself. When your job (as a cellist) łs to support and accompany, this is the best thing you can do. As far as getting your own name out there to get better jobs? Diminishing yourself does not help with that.

Couple that with crippling anxiety and a low sense of self worth, some days it's really hard to get things done. And then on the days where you do stand up for yourself and feel confident, you spend the next two or three wondering if you did the right thing and trying to fix things that don't need to be fixed.

[akiva]

This is both incredibly easy and extremely difficult to answer.

[Phoebe]

True. I like E's answer though. Odd how the same things that seem like a liability can be an advantage in proper context, and vice versa. Same is true for me. Same brain that produces OCD also produces meticulous rapid functioning key to success. Same anger that frustrates also makes for drive to rule world. Same dreamy mindscape that makes life bearable causes idiot distracted behaviors. Perfectionism makes thing perfect or makes one give up in frustration. Ability to fake cheerful bland human relations at all times, useful each day, also leads to friendless disconnectedness. Inner life making outer life bearable is not shareable. Love of dogs leading to basic life happiness leaves you on the floor in a business suit and heels wiping up dog vomit. Husband makes execution of total life-plan possible; thinks nothing of waking you in dead of night for no reason. Kids at center of universe also destroy maternal body. Food that brings joy also destroy body. Birth leads to death; every hour of waking function trades against needed sleep. No idea what the question was.