This Happened

[Eliahad]

My off humor joke (but only because I've actually been there) is that if you weren't suicidal before calling, you were afterward. 2 minutes, at least, something a little longer. I don't know who is in charge of figuring these things out. Maybe I should talk to someone the next time I'm there...I will do that.

[Phoebe]

You know what they need? They need a Sphere CD for hold music!!!

[Phoebe]

Went to lunch with the top two dogs in my whole work pen. Did the hair, got all gussied. Ate sandwich. Discovered for the last half of conversation, apparently had lettuce in teeth crevices. This is why I like to sit alone in the dark making things out of yarn and mumbling to myself.

[Phoebe]

Jim maniacally squeaking a loud squeaky toy on Monday morning and Buffy narrating on behalf of the dog, who came pounding in at top speed: "I came to kill but it was just Jim. Hmm. Disappointing."

Squeaking continues.
Buffy: "Ah, the agony."
Phoebe: "Stop or I'm throwing it away."
Smoke alarm too high for Phoebe to reach: "I pick this moment to die, and I will let the people know by making a series of violently loud relentless chirps!"

[Phoebe]

Things that happen at the pool:
You realize in the bright light of day that one of your legs is beautifully smooth, while the other has tiny stubble. You realize a "tankini" is only good if there's some way to keep the top secured down in water. Kids emerge completely pruned-up. Jim, displaying his palms: "Don't judge me. Sometimes I look like this. And it's making me softer."

[Phoebe]

We've been so busy we haven't gone to the store, so milk was getting low. But now there's not enough for my coffee, so it's a full fledged crisis.

[akiva]

[Phoebe]

Heh, I've been rather lax about going to church lately, so maybe there's something to your theory.

[Phoebe]

Work driving me absolutely batty. Huge demands on time WAY outside my appropriate duties, at a level that is starting to make me dwell on the mantra, "I am not being paid for this." I usually find that's a bad way to do a job - it's normal with me to go way above and beyond the mere requirements. But this is INSANE, lately.

Maybe it would be ok if people did reasonable things. But instead, irrational and stupid things are going on all around! It's very hard to maintain the requisite cheer and courtesy in the face of the unreasonable when you are doing things without getting paid, and you have other stuff to do!

[Stan]

Are your efforts appreciated by higher ups? maybe you should lay out the case for a promotion and/or an assistant?

[Phoebe]

Oh, many thoughts on this. All day today I have discovered intermittently that I am grinding my teeth together, apparently from tension. There is never a day of relaxation, even in the summer, and I cannot understand why.

Meanwhile, I come to lay my weary bones down in my bed and what do I find there but the dog's collar and tags, not on the dog. Why? I must ask the why question about a million times a day. Why is this apple core here? Why is this cup here on the floor? Why are things in the freezer partially melted? Why is the refrigerator ajar? Why is the floor wet? Why is the toilet doing that? Why aren't you happy that I had your friend come over? Why are you laying in the dog's bed? Why are you awake at this hour? Why are you asleep at this hour? Why didn't you wash your hair when you were in the shower? Why are you running around in just your underwear? Why have you hidden the book? Why are you eating that?

[Phoebe]

I am waging my lifetime war on people who have to veer right to turn left, in their very small cars, or veer left to turn right, whatever. Drivers who cannot see past my vehicle, who follow on traffic six inches from my rear as if I am the problem who is impeding forward movement... I am never the problem impeding your forward movement, dumbass, but I am going to be a problem if you rear end me, especially with my kids in the car!

Thank you, I feel most unburdened now.

[Phoebe]

A new low is reached. Multiple times - multiple! - while wandering about with my husband and kids, my fourteen year old was taken to be the Mom/Wife of the group, and I am apparently Grandma. This is what happens when you go very gray very early, husband has nary a silver strand, and daughter is very tall and older seeming.

[Phoebe]

The last week has been an OCD nightmare. One example: I was briefly locked into a 4x8 dirty, extremely hot cinder block walled bathroom with a heavy metal door, located at the top of a remote staircase on the outside of a building, at night time, with my kids, with no idea how we were going to get out or breathe long enough for, say, a locksmith to be brought in. This is BUT ONE example, and right now my son is having a full scale screaming meltdown because my spouse finally decided that my abandonment of the whole family to sit here alone in stony silence while they do dumb unsafe things is a bad sign, so he had to rein the kid in some.

[Phoebe]

I like my family again; they got down from the very high places and fed me at a restaurant kinda named after me that was astonishingly good. My happiness price: $8.99.

[Phoebe]

I have questions. I went looking for a strappy backed tank top and THIS is what Google hath provided. Umm what is the purpose behind this garment? Oh ha ha I unintentionally amuse myself. Anyway, this doesn't solve anything, on any level. Why? How? It won't stay like that either, guaranteed. WTH Lane Bryant!?

[Mike]

I'm as baffled as you. I mean, I understand that women's requirements in undergarments are slightly different than men's, but that one misses about 97% of my protection needs from underwear.

(They are surprisingly comfortable though.)

[Phoebe]

I'm glad they work for you, at least. It's like the opposite of a thong, so there's a conceptual thing I suppose. But still.

[Zen]

The anti-thong...

[Zen]

I'm heading off to Chicago this evening to see with my daughter. Should be fun!