This Happened

[Phoebe]

Classics majors, then?

[Phoebe]

I question my life choices, given the amount I work on the average day.

[akiva]

[Phoebe]

I hear you. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. And hopefully the doing is worth it even if we're not always happy with the aftermath. I'm just really tired and questioning on a daily basis why I have a job at all. It was one thing when my salary was important to our success as a family. Now that it's not so much because my husband makes more money than I do, I don't really see why I'm bothering to work instead of taking care of people. In theory it's because I love my job and love my work and don't want to give up having a professional life, either for my own sake or so that my kids will know how important that is. And there's something to be said for women maintaining their independence regardless of what else is going on. Is it really that important at this point though? If I had a heart attack tomorrow because I don't sleep enough and I'm constantly overworked and exhausted, am I going to be delighted about how I let this play out? There was a time when I felt that my husband ought to do more to address the structural inequalities in our lives, but at this point his job is such that I can't expect that ever again. The only solution is to hire someone and that just bothers me on every possible level. I don't want to hire someone to do work that I actually enjoy doing and would like to be doing instead of my own job, just so that I can continue having a job.

[akiva]

That thinking sounds familiar.

I hate my job, but can't quit because I'm not qualified to do anything else, and we need the money. My wife makes a lot more than me, but because this area is so expensive we need both incomes.

[Zen]

[Tahlvin]

We make enough money that the possibility of need-based scholarship money is completely out of the picture. So any scholarship money our kids get will have to be merit-based.

It's frustrating because we used to have a program where the top kids in each graduating high school class would automatically receive a full-ride scholarship to one of the UW system schools, including UW-Madison. But our wonderful governor changed that program a few years before our oldest went to college, and now the program just gives $2,500 per year. Big difference, and doesn't do nearly enough to keep the talent in-state, which is what the program was supposedly for in the first place.

And Phoebe, based on all the complaining you do about your job, I'm surprised you haven't quit already. I personally think homemaker, whether male or female, is vastly under-appreciated work. My wife has stayed home with our kids since our oldest was born. Even with the kids all off to school now, she still runs around almost constantly cleaning, doing laundry, cooking, grocer shopping, helping out at school, etc. I couldn't imagine trying to do all of that on top of a regular job as well. Modern Feminism be damned, she is providing ENORMOUS value to our family without having a job, and that was the case even before I took the consulting gig that helps us disqualify for need-based college money. Do what YOU want and works for you and your family, not what some other group says you need to do because of who they expect you to be. If that means you become a stay-at-home mom, that's fine; if it means you continue to work, that's fine too.

[Zen]

All of our son's scholarship money is merit based by necessity. Our combined income ensures that they won't qualify for any need based aid as well. I have joked about quitting my job so we would qualify, but it would have to be pretty soon, because the numbers come from the prior year's taxes so I've already worked a quarter of the year that my daughter's freshman year aid would be based on...

[Cazmonster]

I do wonder what my guys are going to do. They both love their art and they've been using their ipads to mix their own videos (after a fashion).

I hope that I can help them turn what they like doing into something that will support them.

[Phoebe]

[Phoebe]

You guys, this is too much to bear all by myself. I find this writing on the computer which I think is by Chloe, age 9, addressed to Jim, age 5:

"Hello, it’s me being who I am. You always talk about Xbox, videogames, Lego movie, and everything. You say play with me play with me play with me. All the time everything’s about the dog! I just want to lay in bed sometimes, relax, take a break, and believe. I want to watch t.v. I want to do aquabeads and be me."

I have no words for this. Kids are an endless source of fascination and delight.

[Phoebe]

I did a thing to my hair which I took to be a good thing - i.e. cut off a bunch so that it would be as close as possible to its natural color - but ever since then, people talk to me while staring in a vaguely perplexed way at my hair. This is easily noticed because, you know, they're staring at the hair. It does look like gnome witch hair, let's be frank, but what's wrong with that? I was hoping that it looked, you know, boring and professional. Apparently this is not the case. A guy I work with was like, what color is that supposed to be? It's the natural color, guy. I've been growing out my natural and non-dyed hair for a very long time now; you just didn't realize this because I was hiding it, and now HERE IT IS. Why is the natural color so apparently unnatural? Y'all starting to freak me out, people. Things are bad enough and I manage to ignore, so... I don't like that this gets to me. We are not supposed to be insecure in these advanced ages.

[Phoebe]

A somewhat adorable thing happened, which is that my husband, who has been gone on a trip thus leaving me in despair at inability to manage life, called because the door had not opened this morning when he thought it was supposed to have opened. He has rigged up our home with god knows what sorts of cameras and devices such that, with a click of his cell phone, he can determine when external doors are opening (or not). So I was like, no, we are just finishing our breakfast here and are all living and well, but it is nice to know that someone looks out for you. Now I am about to go in and out of the garage door about 500 times in the next 3 hours while he's on a plane, so he should have some fun when he lands. In these ways we communicate through the strange tentacles of the internet now.

[Tahlvin]

It's a !

[Phoebe]

I told this to my kids at supper and there was about 20 seconds of total, stunned silence. Then Jim asked, "why did they take her away from the monkeys?" and Chloe said, "Yeah, you can't just take someone away from the only home they've ever known unless they want to be rescued. They need to take her back to the monkeys now." And Buffy agreed but was worried that she might have problems as she got older, living among the monkeys, so Chloe said, they should teach her human language just enough that she can tell them her choice of where to live, and then let her live where she wants, and in the meantime they take her back to visit her monkeys periodically. Jim is very worried the monkeys are missing her now and she has monkey parents. So basically, my kids are in shock and horror that a girl who was living with monkeys would have been removed from their group.

[Phoebe]

Things are happening and I sure would like to tell you all about them, but here we are on the internet together. Anyway, life goes on.

[Phoebe]

Luckily the things were resolved, but in the process I was talking about how my brother in law has OCD that manifests in odd yet totally understandable ways. Then I realized it has been 4 years to the day since I last saw the OCD therapist. His whole deal was very insightful; the last time he gave me some pretty intense advice about how to solve things in life, which I took to heart. Anyway, once he taught the erp technique, one could just keep doing it. You can arrange erp sessions as needed if something more is required, so once in while I do that. I wish my brother would try it; he finally has come around to thinking it's a real thing he has and could get help with rather than enduring.

[Phoebe]

So let me preface this by saying that I have an excellent relationship with my parents, who are the most wonderful people on Earth and I really don't think there's any way that it could be better except if I could spend more time with them. That said, one day I discovered that my own father has been on Facebook for a half a decade without my having any idea of it. Then I called my mother and she was like, I'm sorry we will be busy watching our dirty program on TV - we love it so much. Wow, what program is that, I asked? Girls. So you know, life is just all full of surprises.

[Phoebe]

I love it so much when my kids have a super cute baby outfit and I have to give it away because I can't live in a house full of old baby clothes nobody is wearing, and then I see the child of someone to whom I gave this outfit wearing the outfit!!!! It's just the best on every level: you get to experience the cuteness of the outfit again, which after all you chose for your own kid because you thought it was the cutest thing ever, and you're happy that you have given something to your friend that they could actually use, and the outfit is never going to be cluttering up your house again! Win win win.

[Phoebe]

Oh dear, this again. A while ago I said a thing that was definitely humor - indeed, it gave me a small case of the helpless cackles - but someone replied not taking it as humor, and pointing out that it's humor is, well, pointless. And thus I am reminded why I usually don't say anything in that context. I want a sign slapped on my forehead that reads, "probably joking", and I can make that happen in person but it would be handy online too. Wait, at least here I can make it happen, though most ppl here don't need the warning.