[NBR:RPST]Round 1: Tahlvin v. Zombie

[Kyle]

This is why we're all here, fellas! The inaugural NOTHIN' BEATS ROCK: RPS TOURNAMENT (trademark pending)! Fingers are going to fly fast and loose and the fate of these furious competitors is completely determined by who can outwit who!

Our first match consists of Rock of Ages! As many of you know, Rock of Ages! has been knocking around the RPS circuit for years. Some called him a patsy, while even his most ardent supporters called him a "stepping stone" for other competitors. But something happened last season when Rock of Ages! undertook a new training regimen. Through a strict diet, mental exercises performed exclusively with an abacus and a chicken drumstick, and a relentless determination- he roared back on the scene and almost won the championship last year, only to be defeated by the now-retired champion, Kyle Picked Scissors. He's definitely a contender this year.

And he'll be tested by newcomer Dunder Miflin Paper Company, Inc. This upstart has come out of nowhere to raise a ruckus in the amateur leagues, beating such novices as Where's My Two Dollars, That's Not a Rock in My Pocket, and Running With Me. While some have dismissed him as a fluke, he made enough of an impression to get to the big daddy of RPS tournaments, and hopes to make an unprecedented run at the championship. Good luck, junior!

I want the competitors to meet in the middle of the ring, give the ceremonial wink and then... LET'S THROW FINGERS!

[Tahlvin]

Good luck, Flounder Michelin. Make sure you drink plenty of water so you don't get a cramp.

[Zombie]

Sorry Tahlvin. I didn't catch that. Too busy prepping my move for the winner of Paper-Pushing Rock and Papyrus.

[Kyle]

[buckett]

REKT

[Zombie]

Just as I planned... It's easier to navigate the losers bracket because everyone you play are losers.

Logic.

[Tahlvin]

Oh, too bad, Dunder Bifflin! Good try. Best of luck in the consolation rounds. I'll say hello to yo mamma for you!

[Mike]

OH! Sick burn, ROA! Now ask him if he even lifts, bro!

[Phoebe]

He's no Paul Ryan.