Nerd Pride Radio

You are Rye, a recently promoted baker living on Sancrist. You were a baker’s apprentice for three long years, but yesterday the Baker’s Guild declared that you had attained full bakerhood. You think it was your breadrolls that did it, but you can’t be sure.

You spent the entire day yesterday looking for a job in the town and found nothing! Every bakery was willing to settle for an apprentice baker to avoid paying the guild rates demanded for a full-fledged baker. While drinking at a local inn, trying to sop up your disappointment, you heard what sounded like the chance of a lifetime.

A gnome at a nearby table was talking. He said, “. . .injustafewmonths thingswillreallybecookingaroundMountNevermind.”

You caught the word “cooking” and then managed to interpret the rest of the rapid gnomish speech. Being an enterprising young man, and having heard all you needed to hear, you went over to them, bought drinks all around, and started asking questions.

The gnomes said—once you managed to slow them down—that Mount Nevermind had a huge cavern filled with baking equipment, and hundreds of gnomes had a Life Quest to develop the art of baking. The gnomes, glancing at each other, also added that they were certain the baking gnomes would be happy to share their secrets with the human who would lead all the gnomes. Excitement rising in you at the thought of secrets that might make you one of the greatest bakers on Krynn, you pursued the conversation.

You asked the gnomes when they were going back to Mount Nevermind, and they said they had to hurry because of the huge get-together coming in just a few months. The thought of leading the gnomes in baking for a huge party made your eyes gleam with anticipation.

“Where can I sign up?” you asked, and an important-looking gnome gave you a huge contract written in gnomish which you quickly signed on the dotted line.

That is how you became the general of all the gnomish armies! For what was cooking at Mount Nevermind was preparation for war!

The rest of Krynn had been embattled for many months in the struggle to prevent the Queen of Darkness and her evil dragons and draconians from taking over the land. Word had reached the gnomes in their volcanic fastness on the Isle of Sancrist that a dragonarmy was coming—with evil dragons and hordes of the horrid dragonlike reptiles called draconians—coming to destroy the gnomes’ homeland.

The gnomes, of course, are inventors, not fighters. They consulted their histories and discovered that whenever the dragons had come to Mount Nevermind before, a human had led the gnomes to victory. So they sent their best gnomish recruiters to hire a human, any human. And you’re it!

Even if there were some way to get away from Sancrist, it’s really too late. Besides, the gnomes need your help. There are only twenty days left before the enemy is supposed to arrive, twenty days to explore the entire weird mountain the gnomes have inhabited for thousands of years, to see what you can find that will be useful in the fight. Your thin body shivers at the thought.

HOW WE WILL PLAY
You enter a world where gnomes have been working for centuries to build “perfect” machines. Your knowledge of machines is limited to what you have learned using pots, pans, and ovens. Your purpose is to locate within Mount Nevermind all the machines and other items that might be useful in the battle against the dragons and draconians.

As you enter new chambers, you will be presented with a picture and introductory material. From the illustration, you must decide whether to talk to or fight any creatures you see, or examine other objects that catch your eye.

If the object or creature you wish to examine isn’t listed in the choices given in the text, it is of no use to you on your quest. The choices you make from the illustrations direct you to other sections of the book.

Decisions will be randomly determined from anyone who votes on an example. For example, say you are given the options to LICK THE THING or DON'T LICK THE THING. If three people respond to LICK and four respond DON'T, there is a 3 in 7 chance that you'll lick. If everyone votes for the same decision, well, that's pretty easy to figure out. The time between votes will never be less than an hour. They will update...whenever I get a chance. Hopefully multiple times during the day, but probably not during work hours.

The sections to which you are sent explain what happens as results of your choices. There is danger at every turn, but there are also vital clues along the way that will help you complete your quest. With lots of luck, and even more common sense, you will be able to help the gnomes overcome the dragonarmies.

TIME IN THE MOUNTAIN
You have twenty days in which to gather everything you can find that might be useful in stopping the invading dragonarmy. Usually, if you go into a chamber you will spend 24 hours there. This takes into account inspecting various machines, talking with the gnomes and creatures around you, and eating and sleeping.

There will be times during your quest when you accidentally—or on purpose— return to a certain area. If this happens, you use only half a day, 12 hours. If you return to a chamber to get something you left there or get information from things you didn’t look at before, it takes only half a day. If you arrive there and quickly leave again, you use no time at all.

Special conditions exist to give you more or less time in the game. The text will always tell you how much time you add or subtract (in increments of 24 hours).

MOVING AROUND IN MOUNT NEVERMIND
The main method you will use to travel to the many different chambers in Mount Nevermind is perhaps the prize gnomish invention, the gnomeflinger. Mounted in the center of the main hall (central shaft of the volcano), it allows the gnomes (or you) to be catapulted to places on the cliffs above. Of course, it doesn’t always work properly, but that’s what nets are for.

When you finish exploring a chamber, you can return to the gnomeflinger by using one of the great natural wonders of Mount Nevermind. The whole ancient mountain is honeycombed with thousands of smooth volcanic vents, which all open out onto the main hall at the center of the mountain. Young gnomes, who haven’t yet begun their Life Quests, spend hours every day sliding down the vents and then being flung to the cliffs above. You can enjoy the benefits of these vents also. When you are through with a particular chamber, always assume that you will easily find a vent that will slide you back to the gnomeflinger.

Even in the lower areas of the mountain, there are vents where the drafts blow so strong that gnomes (and you) slide up to the main hall.

There are, however, other ways to move around Mount Nevermind. Most chambers have one or more exits leading to other chambers by passageways. And there must be other ways, because the gnomish assistants assigned to you always seem to keep up with you, but you can’t figure out how. . .

COMBAT
At various points in your quest, you’ll encounter enemies. In order to retrieve items for the final battle, you’ll sometimes have to fight the enemies, or convince them in some other way to give you things.

The combat system is a simple give-and-take process. You try to strike your enemy. If you succeed, you subtract life points from your enemy according to the weapon you used to do damage. For example, if you strike with your unarmored fist, you subtract 1 life point from the creature’s total. If you strike with armor, you do 5 points of damage.

After you have attempted to strike the creature, it gets a chance to strike at you. If it hits, you subtract points from your total. Combat continues until you win or your enemy wins.

MORE BAD NEWS. . .
You decide - because you have no real alternative—to try to help the little people. Your first question is: If you’re the general of an army, where are the troops? The gnomes trot out sixty-eight gnomes all dressed in the oddest assortment of armor and using the strangest weapons you ever saw! Your new army is deadly, all right. But the only way it will kill dragons is if the dragons laugh themselves to death.

When you ask if this is all the army there is, the head military gnome gets defensive (the most military thing he has done in decades). Speaking slowly, as if he thinks you are stupid, he says that there are hundreds of thousands of Life Quest projects being worked on in the mountain, and even an invasion of dragons, draconians, and human warriors couldn’t stop this activity. Life Quests, after all, are what being a gnome is all about!

When the gnomes realize that you really are concerned about how to fight this battle, they tell you that the entire mountain is filled with powerful devices of war. Each ready and able to defeat the dragons.

Now they’re talking! you think. But when you ask where these items are, none of the military gnomes knows. They each have made a Life Quest of military fighting, but not of fighting with military weapons. A twinge of worry begins to nag at you.

Your task, then, is clear. All you have to do is find as many of these military items as you can in the twenty days provided.

Then you think to ask, “Are gnomes the only living things in Mount Nevermind?”

They look at each other, consternation on their faces. Then they all talk at once: there’s cousin Gnisield’s pet raccoon, the horsegnomeship Life Questors whose mounts have been put to pasture, the hybrids the biologists developed and . . .

“Yes?”

Well, it seems that some parts of the mountain have a few monsters that have moved in. They might not like being disturbed.

Now you really begin to worry.

“No problem!” say the gnomes, and they trundle out the biggest, shiniest, most powerful suit of armor you’ve ever seen.

The gnomes have carefully prepared a suit of steam-powered armor for your use. They help you into it and show you how to use it. You are amazed at the power it gives you. The armor multiplies even your puny strength and protects you at the same time! Suited up, you walk into the mountain
ready for anything.

YOUR FAITHFUL GNOMISH ASSISTANTS
You have sixty-eight faithful gnomes to help you and obey your every command. You don’t know how they do it, but every time you enter a chamber, no matter how you get there, those sixty-eight gnomes—at least you assume they are the same ones—are right behind you. They won’t help in combat because you are the leader, but they are the ones that carefully carry any items you find back to the holding area for the great battle.

The holding area is a large plain outside the entrance of the mountain where the dragons must come if they are going to invade. So whatever you find will be taken to where you need it, or so the gnomes tell you when you ask them.

Gnomes speak very fast. When word of your coming reached Mount Nevermind, all the gnomes were told to speak more slowly for your honor and benefit. Sometimes they forget and their words run together. But you have discovered that trying to slow them down only gets them more excited. So to save some time, you try to decipher what they are saying “whenalltheirwordsareruntogether.”

SOME OTHER DETAILS
You haven’t the slightest idea how the gnomes make and use all the things they have. You aren’t a technical person, but you are a very bright young man. Whenever the text tells you to try to figure out an item, you will soon understand how the gnomes build what they build.

Rye has 10 life points. These reflect how much damage you personally can take from enemies and weapons in the mountain. When you reach 0 life points, your quest is over. However, you may acquire more life points on the quest.

Your steam-powered armor also has points of strength. It is designed to take damage before you do. So when you take damage, subtract the points from the armor first, unless you are specifically told that you lose life points. As long as the suit has points, it continues to function. When the suit’s points reach 0, it is useless and you must go on without it.

Without powered armor, you are a very ineffective fighter. You were trained to beat dough, not the heads of dragonmen! Unarmored, you have a 25% hit chance and do only 1 point of damage to your enemies. With your armor on, you have a 67% hit chance with your fist or any other weapon and do a variety of damage. It varies because you can build up your armor’s power by increasing the steam power in the suit. The damage you do varies as follows: First Combat Turn, 5 Points of Damage; Second Combat Turn 7 Points of Damage; Third and All Further Turns, 10 Points of Damage.

There are personal weapons that you might pick up in the mountain. These are items that you won’t be able to use for the final battle, but which may prove useful while exploring the dark, and not always abandoned, outer regions of the mountain. Your hit chance with these weapons is 67%,
just like your armor punch.

The Queen of Darkness’s forces aren’t so dumb. They have sent some of the evil draconians ahead to infiltrate Mount Nevermind and see what they can learn or use in defeating those numerous gnomish nuisances.

EVEN MORE BAD NEWS. . .
You are about to explore Mount Nevermind for a noble purpose. You have a willing crew of sixty-eight gnomish warriors ready to do anything you ask . . . except be warriors. You’ve got great steam-powered armor that increases your strength and your ability to hit enemies. You are ready.

But as the gnomes lead you toward the main hall, you see a tiny green humanoid creature disappearing into the darkness.

“What’s that?” you shout.

“Oh,” says a gnome, obviously embarrassed. “That’s just an imp. We don’t know how they got into our mountain, but they seem to be multiplying like flies and are everywhere. They’re usually just mischievous, but . . . they could be a problem.”

“Great. It’s bad enough that I have to fight a dragonarmy in twenty days. Now I have to worry about imps, too. Well, we will take care of them as they come along. Is there anything else I should know about?”

“Well,” the oldest says. “There are numerous tunnels, especially in the lower areas, that gnomes don’t use anymore. These have sometimes become the homes of possibly dangerous monsters.”

“Monsters!” you shout. All the gnomes around you look very sad and respectful. You’ll never hear the whole story if you don’t let them finish. “I’m sorry, go ahead.”

“Well, it seems there are some monsters in some of the abandoned areas. A gnome can easily spot the entrances to such places and avoid them. You see, usually the monsters just roam around in their own areas and eat each other. It is only sometimes that they come out and eat gnomes, but we do have a committee looking into the problem. So, there are dangerous monsters and there are imps to deal with, but that’s all.” He stands as tall as he can, gives you a kind of salute, and says, “We gnomes know you won’t have any trouble with these minor problems. Shall we get started?”

They take you by the hand and lead you toward the gnomeflinger.

You eye the gnomeflinger suspiciously. It doesn’t look like anything you want to have any part of, but . . . You glance again at the cliff with all its strangely shaped entryways. You can feel your curiosity overcoming your caution.

There is a small knock on the leg of your armor. You look down to see a gnome, calling himself Tromsh, standing impatiently at your side.

“Well? . . .” he says, his voice oozing doubt as to your ability to handle the gnomes’ problems, and whether you even have the courage to be flung through the air to somewhere up on the cliff.

Yes! The gnomes of Mount Nevermind need help, and never mind the fact that you’ve never done anything but work in a bakery. Never mind the fact that even the smallest draconian soldier must outweigh you by a hundred pounds. Never mind that you know nothing about military matters. The gnomes are looking to you for help and, by Reorx, you’re going to try!

Hoping to see something that will help you make up your mind, you climb onto the earthen platform bearing the gnomes’ steam-powered lift system, the gnomeflinger. A gnarled, muscular, leather-apron-clad gnome introduces himself as Gnowmpsh-the-Flinger-Boss.

He thrusts you toward a reclining seat, saying, “Firsttrip,hmm? Nothing,nothingatalltoworryabout. ThisisthefastestandmostreliablytestedgnomedeviceanywhereinMountNevermind. ItwasbuiltbymygreatgreatgreatgranduncleBrahmpsh,andmyfamily’sLife-Questhasbeento makeitbetterandbetterallthetime.”

You stir restlessly under his barrage of words. Everytime one of the gnomes talks to you, you hope you’ll be able to understand him, but it doesn’t seem to happen. By your side, Gnowmpsh (at least you understand that much) still talks while he pushes you into the gnomeflinger seat. You’re about to resign yourself to whatever the gnomes have in store, when you shout, “STOP!”

Gnowmpsh and the other gnomes, who have been twisting dials, checking steam valves, and shoveling coal, stop what they’re doing and stare at you, openmouthed, incredulity on their faces.

“I’m sorry!” you say, surprised at the anguish in your voice. “But if I’m going to go through Mount Nevermind and find the things I think will help you—and me—beat the dragonarmy, I have got to understand what you’re saying! Please . . . talk . . . slowly. . . whenever . . . you . . . say . . . anything . . . to . . . me.”

The gnomes’ looks change to ones of pity and dismay. The coal shoveler clucks under his breath and you think you catch the murmured words: “Poorfellow. He’llbenohelpatall. Doesn’thavethebrainsforit, butIguesswecan’tsend himawaynow. Itwouldn’tbekindtolethimknowwerealizehowweak-mindedheis.”

Gnowmpsh gently pats your hand, saying loudly, as if you were deaf, “I WILL DO THAT, YOUNG MAN. AND I WILL REMIND EVERYONE ELSE TO TALK
SLOWLY, TOO!” He makes a gesture toward a less-muscular gnome working on the gnomeflinger. He’s also younger, you see, as he turns toward you and raises an eyebrow questioningly.

“Getonwithit,Knekst,” the flinger boss orders.

You watch as young Knekst gathers a number of brightly colored flags and begins making broad gestures in the air with them. Suddenly, a loud whistle sounds and you see gnomish heads popping from the many openings in the rock wall in front of you. They all watch Knekst’s signals, which quickly become faster-than-the-eye-can-see flips and twirls. You’re afraid that Knekst will twist himself into a pretzel if he keeps this up for long.

Finally, once more turning his head and giving you a look of pity combined with impatience, he sloooowwwws dowwwwwnnnnn thhhhhhe mmmmmmooootionnn ooofffff thhhhhe flaaaaaagsssss alllllmmmmmooooossst tooooo aaaaa stoooooopppp. The gnomes on the cliff all look at you, shrug their shoulders, and duck back into the cliff openings.

“THE FARTALKING FAMILY IS USING A NEW SYSTEM TO SEND MESSAGES. EVERYONE KNOWS NOW TO SPEAK SLOWLY,” announces Gnowmpsh.

“Thank you,” you answer in a tiny voice.

You sit in the gnomeflinger, not liking anything you see, as the gnomes around you explain what you are indeed seeing.

“Before you are five levels of cliffs. There are also two chambers that you can easily walk to without being flung.”

You seriously consider getting out or the gnomeflinger and going toward one of the areas within walking distance, but you politely wait until the gnomes are done explaining, and you get a fairly good idea of what every entrance on the cliff face means to the gnomes.

The closer you get to the time of the dragonarmy’s invasion, the harder it is for the gnomes to concentrate on their flinging.

If the gnomes miss your target, you go one level lower and one entrance to the right instead. For example, if you try for A on the highest level and miss, you would reach B on the next lower level. If you really didn’t want to go to B, you could use up half a day to return to the gnomeflinger, but remember, you don’t have a lot of time.

If you aim for the far right of the cliff and miss, you are flung to the left side, one level down. If you aim for the lowest level and miss, you are flung to either the library or the lights chamber (both within walking distance of the gnomeflinger).

The information you receive about these caverns is sketchy at best. You are only able to get hints about the places, because the gnomes tend to be very clanish even in the mountain and don’t get around much. Looking over the possible areas, you select one, tell the gnomes, and then close your eyes and hope for the best. Suddenly, you feel yourself being flunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggg!

NOTE: When you think you’ve explored enough chambers, or when your twenty days have run out, like it or not, you will have to face the Dark Queen’s minions. Good luck!

Highest Level (from left):
A) The Nest
B) The Cold
C) The Bottle
D) The Plant
Second Highest Level:
A) The Magnet
B) The Bakery
C) The Catapult
D) The Dark
E) The Gallery
Third Highest Level:
A) The Maze
B) The Spark
C) The Undead
D) The Armory
E) The Explosives
Fourth Highest Level:
A) The Crystals
B) The Military
C) The Toys
D) The Signals
Fifth Highest Level:
A) The Water
B) The Clocks
C) The Steam
D) The Heat
E) The Train
The Areas In Walking Distance
A) The Lights
B) The Library

VOTE!

Given Gnomes and their penchant for mislabeling things, I think the best place to get flung first is The Toys.

VOTE IS FOR...THE TOYS!

The gnomeflinger misses and sends you to The Heat!



The harsh clang of metal, the angry whirr of a drill, and the heavy whooosh of hissing machinery greet your ears as you enter the chamber. At first the darkness, heat, and noise make it difficult to see where you are, then your eyes begin to adjust and you realize that you’re in some sort of coal mine-cum-heating plant.

Then, through the general noise, you hear a gnome with a hose shouting, “Somebody come and help me! We can’t let him get away!” That’s when you realize that he is using a hot-water hose to fight some sort of fierce, winged creature. It’s a draconian! One of the evil beasts you’re supposed to be fighting days from now, not here and now!

Do you...
...leave this chamber, save your draconian-fighting for later, hurrying back down the passageway to the gnomeflinger?

Or are you willing to answer the gnome’s plea for help?

Help! Help!

Second vote for help, hopefully with our trusty rolling pin.

HELP THE GNOME

You’re about to leave when you realize that if this draconian scout gets away and returns to its base — wherever that might be — it’s apt to carry information with it that will make your work harder when it comes time for the important battle. You hurry to the valiant gnome’s side and say, “I’ll take over now.”

You hit the draconian for 5 points of damage!
The draconian hits your armor for 4 points of damage!
You hit the draconian for 7 points of damage!

You feel an exhilaration unlike anything you've ever felt when successfully baking something complicated, as you see the draconian die at your feet, smashed to a pulp by your power armor. You start to turn away (perhaps looking for congratulations?) when you think to check if the draconian might have taken something, and you search it before it turns to stone. You quickly rummage through its armor and find a scroll, instructing the scout to post a small red flag in a certain vent on the outside of Mount Nevermind if it needs more time to do its job. The main attack will then be delayed for two days.

You can’t believe your luck! By placing the flag yourself, you will acquire two additional days to prepare for the battle!

“Out of the way there!” the gnome with the hose snarls. “I’ve got some garbage to clean up.” So much for congratulations. Before you move three feet away, the gnome has begun to hose down the floor, washing the draconian’s dusty remains toward a trash pit. Smiling, you wipe the sweat from your forehead and look around the room. You locate the correct vent, place the flag, and return to 32.

RYE
Life Points: 10/10
Armor Points: 36/40
Day: 1/22


You may investigate the:
gnome with coal bucket
machine on coal face
tunnel at back
imp perched on wall
gnome by mushrooms
huge boiler

Investigate the machine.

Investigate the machine good and hard.

I just want to investigate the machine a normal amount.

INVESTIGATE THE MACHINE

At least with this machine, you don’t have to ponder to figure it out. It’s clearly a gnomish steam-powered coal borer, and it appears to be doing a fine job. As you watch the clever device work, you realize that the drill has bitten a hole through the coal, into another chamber. If you want to wait until the borer makes the hole big enough for you to climb through, it won’t take long.

WHAT DO YOU DO?
wait to climb through the hole
investigate the gnome with coal bucket
investigate the tunnel at back
investigate the imp perched on wall
investigate the gnome by mushrooms
investigate the huge boiler

(Can we wait by doing other things?)

A hidden room? Oh Rye-tee-roo, that's where I, the Rye, am going!

Then I'm okay waiting, too!

WAIT FOR THE HOLE

Curious, you climb through the hole in the coal face. You find yourself as in a huge chamber, just as big as the heating workshop. The huge chamber appears to be empty . . . except for a lone, robed woman. She is crying.

You find it incredible that a woman, presumably human, should be in this dark empty chamber in the middle of a gnomish mountain. Perhaps she’s an illusion. Perhaps . . . well, anything.

WHAT DO YOU DO?
go to her
climb back through the hole and investigate the gnome with coal bucket
climb back through the hole and investigate the tunnel at back
climb back through the hole and investigate the imp perched on wall
climb back through the hole and investigate the gnome by mushrooms
climb back through the hole and investigate the huge boiler

We console all who need a shoulder for the crying!