Nerd Pride Radio

Oh what a sad day this must be that we have to bear witness to the defeat of one of the most venerated competitors of our sport to come at the hands of another just as honorable. Is there a way to simply promote them both to the next round? Of course there isn't, but that doesn't mean we have to enjoy what is about to transpire. On the one hand, we have Rock of Ages! who was beat by the mystical meddlar of men's minds: Papyrus! That villain snuck in to Rock of Ages! brain and forced him to make the losing move! While this reporter certainly feels that Papyrus cheated, the World RPS Congress has confirmed that-- technically-- no rules were broken. Bah-humdrum to the World RPS Congress! Rock of Ages! is one of the greatest physical and mental competitors in the league, and to see him demoted by such underhandedness is simply unfair! As Rock of Ages! enters the ring, he warily eyes his opponent.

And that opponent, the venerable Zbungrub's Revenge is in high spirits, coming off his emotionally-charged win over El Grapidoro last night! As we've come to expect, Zbungrub's Revenge is flanked by his son Rock Hard and the Paperdoos, and... WHO'S THIS NOW? On Zbungrub's Revenge's shoulder is his grandson, Cut Me Once Shame on You! What a cute little tyke, who seems to be soaking in the crowd's applause! Entering the ring, Zbungrub's Revenge hands his grandson into the cradling arms of his son. Look at that emotion! You can see an entire novel transpiring between the two without a simple word being spoken. So beautiful! The only shame of this match is that one of these fine and honorable contestants is going to have to go home tonight!

And here the go, approaching each other at the center of the ring! Gentlemen, give the ceremonial wink and... LET'S THROW FINGERS!

Best of luck, ZR. Regardless of who wins, I think we can both agree who the real winners will be tonight: all of those who are in attendance, as well as the entire world-wide RPS sporting community. It's an honor to face off against you.

It is an honor to probably lose to you.

What better way for this match to go than to watch these two fine men set the example for future generations of finger fighters! One can only wax philo... SWEET SOUR BITTER TONIC! What's this? While Zbungrub's Revenge and Rock of Ages! are laughing at the tie, it appears that Rock Hard and the Paperdoos has snuck into the ring behind Rock of Ages! And what's this? Is that a metal folding chair in his hands? TURN AROUND ROCK OF AGES! CAN'T YOU HEAR ME? IT'S A TRAP! TURN AROUND! But he's just standing there getting ready to do another old school round of the grand game! Oh can't you please just... OH NO! BLAST YOU, VILE ROCK HARD AND THE PAPERDOOS! He's smashed Rock of Ages! to the ground! Get up, Rock of Ages! Get up!

Why isn't the referee stopping these blatantly illegal tactics? OH NO! The referee has been distracted by Zbungrub's Revenge's grandson Cut Me Once Shame on You in the corner! The young boy looks like he's trying to get into the ring and interfere, but he's really just keeping the ref from seeing the true cheating by Rock Hard and the Paperdoos! HAVE YOU NO DECENCY? With Rock of Ages! down and unconscious, it seems that Zbungrub's Revenge in kneeling down and... OH NO! HOW COULD WE HAVE FALLEN FOR YOUR FALSE INNOCENCE? He's actually taking Rock of Ages! unconscious hand and forming it into a fist! He's making him throw rock! Meanwhile, it seems Rock Hard and the Paperdoos has snuck back out of the ring unnoticed by the referee who FINALLY extricates himself from the nonsense in the corner with Cut Me Once Shame On You, and... OH NO! He turned around just a second too late! Zbungrub's Revenge is back on his feet and he's thrown paper! NO, REF! YOU NEED TO GO TO THE TAPE! Unbelievably, Zbungrub's Revenge is being declared the winner! But once again, I'm confident that the World RPS Congress will review the video and not let this cheating stand!

Thanks a lot, Zbunghole's Revenge! Just you wait! I had the trainer spike the water in your corner. Sometime in the next 4-12 hours, you're gonna get a really bad case of Montezuma's Revenge!!! It''s a particularly virulent strain I obtained from my good friend, El Grapidoro! and I hope it infects your son and grandson as well! Cheater!

Haha! Vengeance is MINE!

Round of poison water for all!