[NBR:RPST]Round 3 Losers: Stan v. Zombie

[Kyle]

Welcome ladies and gents to the first match of the third round of Loser's Bracket. And when we look at this matchup, there's a clear division between these two competitors. On the one hand, we have the clumsy but lovable Paper Dragon, who often sabotages his own success with his elaborate Sailor Moon cosplay outfits. Is he the greatest player the World RPS Congress has seen? Definitely not. But does he have that intangible affability that makes you have to root for him? You're damn right he does.

His opponent is the villainous newcomer who has proven to this crowd that his word is worth less than a half stick of non-dairy butter. After Dunder Miflin Paper Company, Inc.'s dastardly and dishonest tactics agaomst Paper Pushing Rock Cutters, I think we can all agree that the faster he's out of this tournament, the happier everyone will be. And as he enters the ring, the crowd is letting him know it! You'd think he'd just ignore it and focus on the fight, but no! He actually... OH NO! He's making THE rude gesture to the crowd and... OH NELSON NO! He's still doing it! He's circling the ring and jabbing his sin finger straight up for everyone to see. What message is this to the children in the audience? What message is this to the future of the sport? Is this how low we've sunk?

And where is Paper Dragon? He's yet to show and the match is scheduled to start any second now! Is he to forfeit to this interloper Dunder Miflin Paper Company, Inc? It appears so! There's a young man entering the ring. Is this his spokesperson announcing his... WHAT IN THE NAME OF JACK JUMP JONES? That's no spokesperson! That's the Paper Dragon! No costume! No cosplay! Just a man in sensible slacks and beige turtle neck! Oh Paper Dragon, has he broken your spirit? BUT WAIT! He's going to compete! He's heading towards the center of the ring to give the ceremonial wink! Dunder Miflin Paper Company, Inc. approaches too- clearly dumbfounded by this surprise tactic of austerity by Paper Dragon!

Fair enough- give the ceremonial wink, gentlemen, then... LET'S THROW FINGERS!

[Stan]

Ok dunderhead. My Tuxedo Mask cape got ripped in the revolving door, so I'm going to have to go mundane for this. The loser goes home so I hope you brought your bus money. (I can loan you mine if you need it.)

Let's Wrap this Up!

[Zombie]

This crowd, these opponents... they don't deserve me. You wonder why ratings are sky high right now? Dunder Miflin Paper Company, Inc.

Now move over, Stan. Daddy's got bigger fish to fry.

[Zombie]

Hey, Stan... You make your move yet?

[Kyle]

There's the wink and... WALLY WATERSON! Look at that! Paper Dragon rips off his shirt and pants in one swift move! IT'S A RUSE! IT WAS ALL A RUSE!


He's back! The Paper Dragon is ready for war and he's TAKING NO PRISONERS! As Paper Dragon spins and stars surround his twirl, Dunder Miflin Paper Company, Inc. is knocked down to the mat by the sudden display! Those stars! They're twinkling so bright that Dunder Miflin Paper Company, Inc. has to raise his hand, just to shield his eyes! BUT IT'S TOO MUCH FOR HIM! This terrible teenaged terror can't see anything from the blinding brilliance of Paper Dragon's luxurious costume! Paper Dragon sees the vulnerability and pounces, raising a hand above his head and... KNOCK ME DOWN AND CALL ME BARREN! He's thrown scissors! The Paper Dragon throws against type and shoots the scissors! This must be the end of the cowardly Dunder Miflin Paper Company, Inc.! He doesn't even realize a move has been thrown! The upstart is flat on the mat, shield his eyes with his arms and... HOLD THE PHONE AUNT FANNIE! He's raised up a single fist? What's the move? What will he... IT IS HIS MOVE! OH NO! Dunder Miflin Paper Company, Inc. has thrown Rock! NO! NOT ROCK! He's done it again! Dunder Miflin Paper Company, Inc. has somehow defeated a clearly superior opponent! He's moving on! And poor, poor Paper Dragon! He fought nobly, but in the end... it wasn't enough. Good night, sweet sailor.

[Zombie]