Nerd Pride Radio

I'm going to write a new self-help book on how to lose three pounds in 12 hours. AND depending on my progress, it may be up to 10 pounds in 48 hours.

This is the worst case of the runs I've had- possibly in my entire life. No kidding. Drink a glass of water then set a timer for 30 minutes. Boom! No more water.

This is miserable.

But on the plus side- I've lost three pounds in 12 hours!

In a different way, yes.

I have been, too! But I blame that on the extra-strength antibiotics I had to take a month ago.

Yeah y'all talk a big game but you don't even know the half. I'm standing here talking to my kid's teacher and it has just occurred to me that the weird sensation I feel on my ankle is the endpoint of a random uncontained hemorrhage that one hopes limits itself to inside the black pants worn today. 30 min until I get home.

Clots suck.

True, yet they're unique and different from the sudden hemorrhage. A creeping dizzy, weak feeling... a sickly, urgent sensation... OMG!!! Is that my entire uterus falling out?! No - whew! Sigh of relief. It's merely a banana slug coated in grape jelly, slithering away (uh-oh, better catch it, right here in my bare hand, before it falls on the floor or my clothes!). Now how did that little fella get stuck in there? Wait - two more slug friends? Maybe I am actually dying this time. What if I died right here and nobody knew and they found me on the floor surrounded by all these giant slugs? That's more of the "clot" experience imo.

The hemorrhage event is more like, ugh, was the grass I walked through earlier damp? Why does my ankle feel wet? I'll just hike up my pant leg and se... OH HOLY EARTH MOTHER MY ENTIRE LEG IS RED. Now what?

When I was young I had the good fortune to have certain things explained to me, like that the uterus isn't really even "held in" by anything besides some cotton balls and magic. And one day it can and probably will just FALL OUT! So I'm always kind of waiting, wondering... I don't want to put out a hand to avert ruined clothing and suddenly be holding a uterus, know what I mean? I don't want to seem resentful, but really, fuck this whole arrangement.

Diva cup ftw?

I really do not understand how that is supposed to work; I am guessing Satan birthed such ideas straight into the world.

Barb swears by hers. Says it's made her periods more tolerable.

If you ever discuss this matter, here is what I don't get:
1. How many banana slugs does it hold?
2. How can it possibly be extracted without dropping one or more slugs?
3. How could it ever be extracted? Tiny silicon tongs? Black magic? Is it like giving birth?

Other users have given clearly unsatisfactory answers to these questions, in the past, but hope springs eternal. I hear things like, oh, it takes some practice... It holds more than a tampon... Occasionally a little might spill when extracting but... You just reach in with your fingers and... No.

I read the first six posts and then....NOPE NOPE NOPE...not reading anymore TMI (as if Kyle's bowel movements weren't enough)

WOGIMP.

This is like, the greatest reply ever, greater than anything I expected and unfortunately work beckons - nay, screams out demands - and I cannot write an adequate reply here. WOGIMP, I just repeat that. So finally, someone who UNDERSTANDS my predicament has been able to address this whole moon cup business and now I have a lot to think about. I might have medical problems of some kind that go beyond what any external mechanism can solve, but that is the joy of growing old. More on this later.

OK, I thank you so much for posting this. I really did not know what to make of the responses I had heard on this issue before because it appeared that the people responding might as well be on another planet and having the menstrual periods of an entirely alien species. WOGIMP is nothing they have heard of, yet WOGIMP is exactly what it is. Used to be a brief torrent at the apex, and now that brief time has expanded into a full 48 hours marked by some extremely unpleasant symptoms. Not having to go to the restroom so much would be great, but if the thing doesn't make a seal or if I have to reach in anywhere to do anything, I cannot see it working. The pace of the flowing is just so quick that there would not be time to screw around with extruding and reinserting, and if "riding lower" happens at some points in the day, it's not like I can stop what I'm doing and fix it. The sudden "opening up" after a minute or two is also a non-starter - the area around me would look like a post-surgical OR by that point and I am not good with surprises in my nether regions. On the other hand, the idea that this might improve on tampon/pad combo is too appealing to let it go easily. Murderous uterus is a bit reminiscent of abortion engine - amuses me greatly, yet a better name for others than for me. I hope my uterus isn't murdering anything; it's more like embezzlement or tax fraud. I don't know how long all this lasts before menopause. Women in my family who had more children than I have had are now without a uterus entirely, and good riddance; women with similar numbers ended up with elusive uteri that liked to slip out and sun themselves occasionally - not okay; women with fewer children still have firmly-fixed and reasonable uterus. Anything could happen. It's all very exciting. Hot flashes have begun and that's really special.

Thanks Barb and Phoebe for real talk about real issues.

Phoebe, if you're bleeding that much - are you taking supplemental iron or have you had your iron level tested? You could be slightly anemic which would contribute to tiredness.

Hard to say. My genetic materials are kind of 50/50 on having anemia and having excess red blood cells in a dangerous way. Wondering if the latter phenomenon is responsible; this is all very ill-understood, yet exciting and pregnant with possibility.