boundaries and butthurtedness

[Ronster]

How do you as an individual deal with someone telling you that you can't do something that you enjoy or have anticipated?

What if you think they are overstepping boundaries?

How do you respond?

What if it is a spouse or family member?

Sincerely,
"butthurt" Ronster

[Mike]

This question is a little vague and disjointed, and I'm sure that's intentional on your part, but the answer is: it all depends.

Regardless of the circumstances, massive disappointment is going to be the theme. But then it depends on the nature of the activity and the reasons for it being denied.

I'm assuming this is an activity that has been planned and highly anticipated, but then some other involved party is making the decision that you simply can't do it. It's not that it's impossible, but that it works "better" in this person's opinion if you don't do it. So they're telling you not to. How upset I would be would depend on the "why" behind it and whether I thought that "why" was reasonable.

Money: If you've been planning a huge bear-hunting trip to Saskatchewan, and as an avid hunter, bagging a bear in the Canadian wilds has always been your dream, and now, several months out, your spouse tells you that there's simply no way you can afford it now. That sucks. And sure, it's not impossible, but you going on this trip would require other sacrifices and hard decisions for the family. I get that.

Time: Maybe it's poker and beer night with some old friends that you only get to see a couple times a year. You don't get to do this often, and it's always a big deal when it happens, and even though you've had this scheduled for weeks, you now find out that your spouse's god-daughter is getting married that same weekend. It's an out of town trip, and it's super-important that all of you be there--you two are supposed to be the host couple after all, and with the kids, it would be super-difficult to manage without you. You're just going to have to miss your event this year. This could go either way.

Appearances: Your passion for creating elaborate costumes for your cats and dressing them up for photos can no longer be contained. There's a big Cat Fancier Society convention nearby, and not only do you want to go, you want to enter your cat costumes in the big cat fashion show they have (yes... it's on the catwalk). Your mother has always known about your "silly" little hobby and tolerated it, but you now find out she's been hiding it from your father. And now that you want to be public about it, she's putting her foot down and asking you to not do this. I mean seriously, how will it look to her bridge club when they find out her son is dressing up cats in cocktail dresses that he sewed himself? And it would simply kill your father. Is that what you want? Do you want to kill your father? Because that's what will happen... he'll die of embarrassment. I don't carry much truck with appearances, but it's important to some people.

Morality: Wait! I think I finally got it! You want in on the Nerd Pride Radio Deadpool 2017, but your wife is telling you that it's immoral and sinful to bet on people dying. She's forbidden you to participate, and... No wait. You're already IN the deadpool. That's not it. Damn, I thought I was so close.

I don't know what to tell you, man. Any of the above and more, and all of them have varying degrees and individual circumstances that can 0make them unique.

No matter what the reasons, I'm sorry. I feel bad for you. I know what it's like to really look forward to something and then have it snatched away from you for reasons beyond your control. It sucks.

[Elle]

[Ronster]

thanks, I mean it. Now I have something sticky to roll around with the marbles that are loose and maybe it will make some sort of cohesive sense.

[Elle]