Nerd Pride Radio

How do you stay motivated to do your job on the days when you aren't sure your job is meaningful at all? The older I get, the more I struggle with the feeling that my whole career is utterly pointless and stupid. For a long time I have felt like I need to do something that directly impacts people in an obviously beneficial way, and that perhaps I have unique capacities to perform. For some such jobs, the boat has sailed because I don't relish going back to school for a long time to get the necessary degree, though I could do this if I were convinced it was important. For others, it wouldn't take much more education or intermediate transitional period. For instance, I have thought a lot about being a hospice nurse, since I am comfortable with those situations and think it's very important, just like caring for any other patient in need. Another thing that compels me is getting an MA or PHD in Public Health and at least trying to contribute to some area of useful knowledge or public education.

But the reality is that I'm likely to volunteer for a nonpartisan voter group of some sort, or maybe just for my kids' schools or sports, and not do a damn thing of further meaning or purpose beyond it. Bottom line: I am starting to think my job is a waste of time on earth in a big way and I don't know if this is a normal "midlife crisis" kind of thing or if it's a sign that I am growing desperate to make an actual change. My husband thinks I need to find a way to identify some other source of deeper purpose within my work and that I would be having the same problem if I was a public health nurse. The hospice nurse thing, he probably considers just crazy, like I would be crying all the time and fall into a pit of despair.

Existential angst is a bitch; I have been reading some books lately that really, really push hard on it.

What is motivation?

Ok, it's not just me. I feel better after going out into the world today, screwing up a bunch of things because of what appears to be early-onset Alzheimer's but probably is just lack of motivation preventing sensible use of pen, paper, or any means of organization whatsoever. I was like, well, if I can get motivated enough to do one small thing each day or maybe just fix up my calendar, my ship will sail along roughly in the correct direction even if the headwind is rather steep at the moment.

Barb and I survive day to day just to get to September when our "Adult" lives start back up.

I just keep reminding myself that I like what money can do for me (you know, internet, electricity, etc) and that there are much worse jobs than what I do now.

Not much motivation, but enough to get me through the work day.