Nerd Pride Radio

I've always had an ability to talk to large groups of people. As an adult, there was only a couple of times it made me nervous: (1) when I had to give my first opening statement to a jury (it was my first time ever addressing a jury directly); and (2) when Mike and I made the decision to sing a duet version of "Wind Beneath My Wings" if we won an Ennie for the Animalcast (we didn't win). Now it's just old hat. I suppose if I had to speak to a really big crowd- like a stadium- I might get nervous. But I might not. I'm not sure. And even if I was nervous before it, once I start talking I'm fine. I fall into the patter and banter and the nerves would go away.

This got me thinking: I think there's something sociopathic about being able to talk to big crowds and not be affected. It's like you know you can control the situation, and you know people are judging the shit about what you're saying, and you just don't care. If that sounds like I'm bragging, I'm not- it actually concerns me because I think people should be concerned about how their message is coming across and being received- and that's necessarily going to lead to nerves. But when I'm talking to large groups, my brain goes into super-ego mode and I become (in my own head at least) super douche Tony Robbins or something. Like it's a game of manipulation. Although part of me expects that I do that as a way to cope with talking to a large group.

I cannot remember the last time speaking in front of a crowd made me nervous.

Sociopath.

Yeah. I've always been good at speaking to crowds. Part of what makes me good at it is that I'm adept at listening to the banter beforehand, listening to the kind of language they use, how they interact with each other, and matching that to make them feel comfortable and secure with my presentation style.

I'm just a narcissist.

I mean technically I speak to tens of thousands of people a day but I can't see them from the studio so I'm not sure that counts.

In my rare speaking engagements its kind of nerve racking in theory but once you're on stage or whatever its not that bad. I find office meetings to be more intimidating and have zero idea why.

I think this little dissociation thing is probably just a mechanism for temporarily dealing with the anxiety about addressing some group. However, I have learned when someone tells you that they are a sociopath you should probably believe them, so... Brrrr.