Nerd Pride Radio

Tis summer and with it the need to traipse around scantily clad in public. I did this last year without much care - I did not have time for such cares. Then I kind of figured out how awful I look. This is NOT something we are supposed to care about; it matters nothing to life, to happiness, etc. Heaven knows I make my daily living a testimony to not giving a shit about externals. I'm so pleased by everyone else's body-positive feeling that it provided the sheen of illusion that I had it myself. But folks, I feel BADLY about looking so awful. Part of it is that I want to be healthy and not, you know, die of a blood clot to the lung or get heart disease or diabetes, but part comes from reaching a hard limit of how awful I care to look. I was looking at some pictures of my mom when she was my age and she looks about 42309809856 billion times better than me despite wearing a similar size clothing. I don't know what it is, but I look like shit. Five years ago I kind of lost my whole interest in food, stopped eating very much and lost a lot of weight. I was very depressed; I did a little exercise but mainly laid around like a slug watching my kids do things. So I looked pretty good and felt terrible. I would rather have felt good and looked terrible, to be honest, but that's how it was. At that point I took a different job, changed up my whole life, did what I had to do to power through, and the end result was a lot of sitting around at desks and in the office, not exercising, eating at restaurants, eating thoughtlessly, and that's been going on for five years now in a gradual descent to this bad place.

I feel bad because feeling bad makes it seem like I would judge other people for their looks, and I don't! Many other people are in a similar boat to mine and I think they look normal and cute and I don't see any problems. I look at myself, however, and I see the person that used to be in there - pretty sure that's what causes the problem. I think, this is not like me, this is some gross version of me, this is not who I want to be, and then I get sad. Do NOT want a repeat of being depressed; thanks. Being anxious is enough. It does not mix well with depressed; they play very nastily together. An anxious person should be cheerful. To be cheerful I cannot live in this particular body, so it must change, yet the feeling of shame and self-loathing is not very pleasant either and you can see why people try to reject that way of being in order to embrace themselves regardless, and stop judging what is perfectly normal. Tl;dr version: this sucks no matter how you feel or what you do.

I fixed my diet for real. I stopped eating the bad, with an occasional reward of ice cream, started eating the good, and stopped eating so much of everything, trying to eat only when I actually feel hungry vs. stressed, because it's that time of day, or other people are eating or being cooked for by me.

Here is what happened after a couple weeks. I have radically readjusted my sense of how much food I require. I require so much less than I thought I did. It's shocking. I used to eat so much! I can see a change in my body. All of this brings me a sense of joy and accomplishment, like I have figured something out and I finally did something right.

But at the same time I am totally enraged. When you stop eating bad food, and then you eat a little bit of it one day, it might make you feel ill afterward. For example, I ate a garlic roll that was the most delicious thing on earth, and then felt bloated and gross afterward. One evening I wasn't all that hungry and ended up eating more than I needed. Felt queasily overfull for the rest of the night.

It appears that when you break your terrible sugar/converted-to-sugars-internally addiction, which God knows I have, you can't just go back to eating whatever. Suddenly all you want to eat is that cucumber. It's a crazy situation: happy but totally frustrated because I want to be able to eat all the wonderful food that I make for my family, and I want to make banana bread and eat it all. But instead I'm only going to eat that banana. WTH have I done? It's obvious there is no turning back from this now.

Okay y'all. I"ve been half-assing it and not being dedicated to my health. But that stops today. I've been tracking and have generally not been eating poorly, but because I've not really been committed to it, I've ended up slowly losing five pounds over the last few months, but that's it. And I'm fairly certain that I could put that back on in a single weekend if I tried really hard (which I won't).

So this is me recommitting myself. I want to track everything- even if I go over- and see how much I can lose in the next six weeks. I'll keep yall posted.

Do it. You can do it. Every day, moving the body - it feels good. Breaking that carb/sugar addiction was very hard for me but it had to be done. After a while now it makes me feel ill to eat a lot of non-vegetable-or-fruit carbs at once. You guys seem to cook really good stuff though, which would make it easier.

I cannot recommend enough a one week "empty carbs detox" - get ALL your carbs from veg (NOT white potato) and fruit. None from rice (any kind), grains, flour, bread, etc. Drink lots of water, eat lots of bulky stuff and soft fruit for bowels. See how you feel. Try this experiment!

getting back on the wagon...been off too long and put back on my weight.

Me too Ron. And my Fitbit is super depressing.

You can do this thing.

I know this is broken-record-speak, but if you haven't already tried this experiment, stop all empty carbs just for a week or two and see how you feel. Get your heaviest carb dose from things like carrots and peas for a while. No rice, no potatoes, no bread, no pasta, no flour, no refined sugars and corn syrups or anything made with those things. Sweeten with honey or maple syrup. I have many good recipes if that would help. Fall is a good time for this because it's a perfect season for stews and soups, and roasted veggies that will make you feel very full and warm and content while eating the best food in the best amount for you.

You know how I have struggled up and down for years, post-childbirth, post-surgery, making progress but never really sticking the landing permanently. I finally have an answer. It may not work for others but it has been profound. It is astonishing to watch the fat melt away and turn into muscle. A big part of this is wiping out those shit carbs I used to love. For the first time in 15 years I can wrap my fingers around my wrists and touch. I will suppress the urge to babble on...

OK, here's another really important thing I DID NOT KNOW about exercise, although I think it's still true that diet and calories are the #1 thing. Certain kinds of exercise engage your body's systems in such a deep and intense way that you will end up burning way more fat, and it is not what I expected. I have no idea what the evidence or proof for all this is, but all I can tell you is that I am living it personally right now and It Is Shocking. We always want cardio exercise (which is also usually good for bone health) like going for long walks or swimming or rowing or whatever. We also want weight bearing exercise of some sort, again for the bones and to build muscle. Maybe this involves weights or objects, or using your own body as the weight (as in pullups). However, we also want short bursts of high intensity exercise that involve all areas of the body, in order to get the body to wake up and fully employ its fat-burning action. So maybe this means doing the same thing you'd do for cardio, except as intensively as possible for 5-10 minutes. If you were walking or jogging, in other words, you'd sprint short distances with a little rest between, but you're sprinting as fast as you can. Or if you were rowing, you'd row full-bore a short distance or for a few minutes. You should not get your info on this from me because I am a new student who had never heard of this before; I am enacting it and my whole body has changed radically. It is worth investigating.

Since I retired and the Air Force stopped making me run, I've gone from holding the line at 215 to a full 230 pounds. It's not fun, especially while I'm looking for a job. I put our gym membership on hold until the finances are better, but I think I need to re-up. The base gym is about an hour away.

I heard Joe Rogan interview a doctor about fasting and the carnivore diet. Thinking about giving fasting a try, carnivore sounds risky.

Yeah, about the fitness thing;with school being back in session for both Turkish and I and Paul still unable to drive, I am now working full time, taking 3 classes, working around Turkish's senior year activities, and doing the lion's share of the driving for doctor appointments, groceries, and other household stuff. Exercising is basically non-existent for now. I'm hoping that Paul can get back to driving in a couple of months and then logistics shouldn't be quite so complicated.

I started using a Couch to 10K trainer a couple of months ago, back when I was dealing with most of the shit from the fallout of my separation and divorce. (Almost there!) I tried the trainer, because I knew if I went for it on my own, I was going to hurt myself by pushing too hard. So the first few workouts were like, run for 3 minutes, walk for 5 minutes, run for 3 minutes. Repeat a couple times. Back in September I was maybe making it 2 miles, and I was tired and out of breath when I was done. Today, I covered 5 miles, and I feel pretty good! I think I'll actually get to 10k, something I've never done in my life! Woo!

That's awesome! Congrats!

I was up to about 7-8 miles at a time, until about a month ago when I pulled something in my left calf. I had to stop the running and move to a stationary bike instead for my cardio. I'm hoping it's healed enough that I'll be able to start getting back on the treadmill at the beginning of November. Sitting on the bike for an hour hurts my butt!

Had my 5th session of personal training. Hurting like hell, but getting stronger so can do more.

That is great! I have found that for whatever reason having a coach is a very effective motivational factor. Part of it is likely that they have customized the program for specific needs, but some part is also that you don't want to embarrass yourself in front of this person and therefore give a little extra effort. In my case I'm already embarrassed; I'm just trying to mitigate the embarrassment a little bit. But it also helps to have validation from a person who is at the most elite possible level of fitness. Like, if this person has no problem with my body whatsoever and thinks that I'm getting stronger and better everyday, then maybe I can believe what I keep telling myself. The more evidence the better.

Just bought a new treadmill...so heavy. I need to set it up today.

For about 5 years I have been going to the gym until last year. I show up about once a month now.
The problem is that I have to get up at 3 in order to get a 30-45 minute workout.
I could do it after work but then I get a 2.5 to 3 hr commute home due to traffic patterns.
I want to be around my family some too and maybe do something I like such as painting minis, ,aking chain mail, fixing cars or making maps...but when?

Sincerely,
Out of Time

That commute is inhuman and it would be worth adjusting almost anything to keep it to a reasonable minimum. Yikes!

I was all set to get up and go to the gym tomorrow morning. Then everything went wrong, and I completely fell off the dietary wagon I have been riding on for some time now happily. For supper I ate half of an entire butternut squash and ALL the roasted squash seeds. Four lemon cookies. Two ribs in barbecue sauce, very sugary I'm sure. (And nothing has ever felt more "paleo" damn it, the prehistoric peoples would have dipped that s*** in sugary spicy tomato sauce if they'd had some, too.) One dark beer. Two slices of cheddar cheese. I'm sitting here like Jabba the Hutf. Typo and it stays