Movie Review Thread

[mimekiller]

[Phoebe]

I have been made to watch I, Claudius. The only relevant fact to report is that Patrick Stewart appears as a Praetorian guardsman who does some things to advance the "plot", where by plot I mean the loose retelling of Roman stories by bad actors in horrid costumes on hideous sets, chewing up every bit of scenery in sight. But: Patrick Stewart has a lot of very curly grayish hair and so there was a kind of sexual experience, a lightly detached one, involved in seeing that. Seriously, this movie/epic/long show is really bad. But it has Patrick Stewart in a younger day with hair.

[WillyGilligan]

[Phoebe]

I have a hard time explaining how bad "I, Claudius" is, but it's one of those things that is SO bad it's kind of great in a new way. They made some decisions, like to be in the genre of Camp while telling the outlandish tale of some real Roman history. They have tried hard with the tools of makeup and bad costuming to make everyone involved look like hell. The way slaughter and gore and the worst of humanity is then punctuated by almost comic outtakes or scene endings, it's beyond belief. The sets are depressing, hideous places that seem like the opposite of the most opulent dwellings of imperial Rome. Everyone was told to be as over-the-top bad acting school as possible, I'm sure of it, because I've seen these people in other roles.

[mimekiller]

Good Time(available on Amazon Prime)

Who knew that one of the best films of 2017 starred that main sparkly bloke from Twilight

But that's exactly the case, with a great retro synth soundtrack, a compelling crime drama about a brother trying to get enough bail money to get his mentally handicapped brother off Rikers Island. Filmed in what I think is called neo realism(filmed in real rush hour traffic, filmed in a real emergency room with real patients milling around, starring at least two characters playing themselves) the entire thing feels like a urban nightmare as characters choices start to slowly catch up to them. a perfect film, can't recommend it enough.

[Phoebe]

Tulip Fever
(2017, on Netflix)

Alicia Vikander plays a young woman who at a very young age was separated from her family and sold off into marriage to a pervy old oversexed dude. This went about as well as one might expect, leading to a complicated and wild sequence of improbable events bringing several people's lives together precariously. That about sums it up without spoilers, I hope. Judi Dench appears as a Convent head nun. Zach Galifianakis appears in a somewhat hilarious and unexpected role. The Tulip Bubble is a real thing in history - my husband appeared at precisely the moment when the Tulip Speculators were doing their thing onscreen, and told me all about it, as apparently he knows all western history in detail. Too much nonfiction reading, that guy. Movie was interesting to those who wouldn't normally be interested in period piece romances, because there is precious little romance, considerable intrigue, and the period is actually interesting as such.

Forgot one other thing: Tom Hollander plays the infamous Dr. Sorgh (intoned low and slow for dramatic effect throughout the movie, in a tone between disgust and conspiratorial murmuring). Anyway, I love him, Tom Hollander, not Dr. Sorgh!

[Phoebe]

Mal de Pierres
Which in English is called From the Land of the Moon, but the original title refers to the protagonist's kidney stones, which are a deal, so the original must stay.

Marion Cotillard stars in this 5-star, 50-star, maybe 505-star movie. She is afflicted by kidney stones, but maybe people think she's crazy too, in a way not accounted for by the sudden terrible pain? Or maybe she's 100% sane and understandable. It's the 1950's. There is some nudity in this movie but it is all "tasteful" nudity that probably won't shock or dismay you, nor is it too much or too exciting. It's just there as it would occasionally be in life, so I would label it Normal.

I can't say anything that would spoil this movie for anyone, but some things happen and it's very emotionally intense. Most of the time I am not able to predict what will happen with a movie - the average My Little Pony cartoon holds surprising twists and turns for me! But in this movie, I knew the whole thing and predicted all of what it meant. There's a scene with letters and the ocean. If you happen to see it, you will know what I am talking about when you see it. I could have broken down at that juncture, you know - you might have predicted at least an hour of crying from me, but verily I say, my mind was so fixed on this story that it would not permit any liquid to potentially interfere with the full seeing of the screen with the eye. I started watching in this posture, frozen in the middle of the bed, and this is how I remained to the end:

[WillyGilligan]

Saw A Quiet Place and Rampage this weekend. A Quiet place was as good as people say. I spotted a couple of plot holes or unexplained worldbuilding, but I was still in it the whole way. Almost had the theater to myself though.

Rampage...I was more finding something to do so I would be awake long enough to pick up my daughter from prom, and I ended up taking a nap for most of it. Based on the first half hour and the last, it does what it says on the tin. You take a Syfy kind of premise, it doesn't really end up with better writing just because you have a big-boy budget for special effects. A couple of things actively made me cringe out of the the minimal investment I had, and at least one of those had the characters do something really dumb to justify a pretty cool one-liner. I got to see a gorilla pummel a giant gator and wreck a city, so the writers fulfilled their promises.

[Phoebe]

[mimekiller]

[Phoebe]

Keep in mind my Netflix has an entire list of recommendations called "because you watch North and South".

[mimekiller]

heh I can't judge. I recently found out that amazon prime has a plethora of made for TV hallmark mini series/movies from the late 90s/early 2000s.

No legitimate reason any sane soul would watch the 3 hour made for TV Poseidon Adventure which is a unique triumph in that its quite longer then the original film but also quite worse at the same time but yea...

[Phoebe]

The Duchess (2008)

Bleagh, nah. The bland one, whassername, Jingety Jangety*, the one who put her foul stamp on Elizabeth Bennett the most recent time round - argh, Keira Knightely, plays a young aristocrat who enters into marriage much too soon and for all the wrong reasons. She is treated ill by her bad husband who is played by Ralph Fiennes. He does "indifferent, shitty guy" so well that it makes you worry about him a bit. Charlotte Rampling is utterly wasted here; a crime. Keira has many babies; they're girls. I don't care about spoilers for this. Husband mad; girls not an heir. Dramas ensue. So bad. I think Netflix flashed this out at me because of my viewing history combined with the recent acquisition of a famously new British Duchess, and I could not care less about royal weddings. You would think I am that kind of girl Netflix, I get it, but I'm not. What do I care about their wedding? Zero. Glad they had a cellist, or so I hear, as I didn't hear him. Anyway this was a crap movie and you shouldn't waste any life on it; that's one reason why this thread is here, to thwart you in your potential error.

* This is such a window of self-knowledge, that her name is in fact stored inside as some pattern-match for Jingety Jangety, for real.

[Phoebe]

Ferdinand (2017)

Nice, boring animated film about a small Spanish bull with a gentle heart, who loves flowers and not fighting, but is drawn inexorably into the cruel world of the matador. Kate McKinnon is outstanding here - I didn't recognize her voice at first since, gasp, have not seen Ghostbusters or the various other things she's in - as the Calming Goat. At first I thought it was Ellen DeGeneres as vaguely reminiscent of Dory-voice. Well, this movie is basically dumb and not one of those "animated films that becomes a classic even with adults because it's so clever", but it was nice enough and sent its message about how fighting is bad or whatevs. The large, peaceful bull wins the day by being a caring, non-violent person. Can't really complain. My only complaint is that movies like this one always seem to toss in random plot moves at the end solely to throw off the "bored adult" in the audience (not really), or trick and amaze the kid audience (not really). You think it's finally going to resolve this way, but it doesn't! Surprise! Then you think it's going that way, but no! Surprise! Except that none of the surprises are surprises any more than the tropes they tried and failed to disrupt are, and we might rather simply have the expected trope, done well for a change. Also you have a dim memory of reading the book and you wonder, did these people ever read the book? Eh, who cares, they said, tossing out the book in a burst of zeal for making up stuff. Oh well. Ferdinand is very sweet anyway. There is a pointless "dance off" inserted with bulls vs. horses; this tells you everything.

[mimekiller]

I chill with enough single moms that I always catch these movies in 5 minute chunks and even that is overtly bright and obnoxious tripe haha

[Phoebe]

I watch them in 5 minute chunks too but that's because I live amidst chaos and people running around needing things! My kid and I laid down on the bed like slugs for about 30 minutes to watch part of it tho. The bull is really super cute - I wanted more of the cuteness and less of the anguish and running around splatting things and whatnot. Less stress - there's always horrifying gore in these innocent cartoons, where the toddler comes to a realization that dad was carved up in the meat packing plant. My God, you know, Bambi was bad enough, orphaned Disney princesses, it's all scary stuff.

[mimekiller]

AVENGERS 3 SPOILERS
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*At the end of infinity war movie, most of the people who die do so in shock and confusion. Except Peter Parker, who says he feels sick and says he doesn’t want to go. He’s the only one who knows he’s dying, because his spider sense is telling him what’s happening. :-/

[Phoebe]

Solo: A Star Wars Story

First part of review not very spoilery, unless you want zero knowledge, and second part of review spoilery in the white text.

Saw it in the theater and loved it! The most important thing is: God bless these writers, for they did very well. These writers knew what the hell was up, and they delivered it. I love these writers. And I think Ron Howard gets a lot of credit here too.

Another Ron told me that he had heard bad reviews from people who did not like the main actor who plays the young Han Solo. Tastes vary, I know, but some guys have a romantic issue with Harrison Ford they can't get past, and if he seems less rakishly manly as a teenager, no doubt it's going to send them into a tizzy. Whatever, get over it. This is teenager Han and it makes total sense. I think the guy who plays him was wonderful, and he gave us not only touches of Harrison Ford but a whole spectrum of winsome facial expressions from Jack Nicholson to Patrick Swayze to Jack Black. This is the feisty but dorky idealist version of Han Solo that perhaps some fans didn't want to admit ever existed. He's in there, folks, and I think it's brilliant that they let him out. Of course this kid isn't bringing us adult Harrison Ford, nor should he have! Adult Han Solo in Star Wars (and beyond) was not always the roguish debonair sort that everyone decides to remember him as. He was more than a bit cheesy and ridiculous, too!

If I have any complaint, it's that kid Han's general optimism/energy/cheerfulness doesn't mesh well On the other hand, I think some of that might be due to the editor's axe chopping bits, and this is not a dark and gritty Rogue One story. Rather, it's a combo of Oliver Twist, car chase, train robbery, bank heist, James Bond, Smokey and the Bandit, Casablanca, Mission: Impossible, and Kenny Rogers' Gambler, and however unlikely it may seem, that worked for me!


Regarding L3... um... O.M.G.!!! However, she is... like... my baby. It turns out I birthed a robot baby without knowing it, and then things happened and it's time for more white text:

Yeah. Yep. Yeah. I feel like all that was a personal gift to me directly from the writers or Ron Howard or somebody. You people are wonderful.

And while we're talking about the writers being wonderful:

I liked Emilia Clarke well enough here. Loved Woody Harrelson in his well cast role.
Love that there wasn't anything much obviously to do with the Force except the ways that luck and coincidence played a role, and I was very much ready for that aspect of the force to be prominent after all this miraculous instant lightsaber wielding on the part of people like Rey.



Oddly enough the one thing I expected to love but did not was the Donald Glover version of Lando Calrissian. I am an old lady and my perspective on Billy Dee Williams was shaped by the TV of my youth. He really is supposed to be super suave, and I don't think Donald captured that very well. He played him as far more eccentric than I was comfortable with. One of the things that strikes you about Calrissian when you first see him in Star Wars is that both Han and Luke look a little bit out of place when Leia and Lando are together, and they seem to grasp how awkward he makes them look. After being around all these scrappy pilots, it's like with Lando she's finally in the kind of company to which she used to be more accustomed. One reason that Lando's apparent betrayal of the Rebels that first time in the old Star Wars also seems shocking is that you completely believe he is Han's friend, because he's Billy Dee Williams, damn it! He's so pleasant and relaxing. You forgive him for it later because he shows his good/rebellious side and helps them escape the Empire - and let's be real, I actually cried in the movie theater when they put Han in the carbonite, because I was that age and I loved him and thought he was truly dead, so there was a lot that needed forgiving in my book. Anyway, I don't see this younger version of Lando growing up and becoming elegant Billy Dee Williams, even though I do see this other guy growing up and becoming Harrison Ford's Han Solo.

At least I'm pretty sure that's what that thing was. Again I'm pretty clear that the writer(s) put it there as a personal gift for me. I don't quite know who you are, writer, but I love you.

[Mike]

I think I've read all of Phoebe's review, and I completely agree with her. This was a solid coherent story that was well told and very entertaining. It added to the canon while being true to the characters and stories I am familiar with.

Caveat: I neither know nor care about the Star Wars universe outside the 9 main movies, so I didn't enter with any of that baggage.

[Kyle]

I generally agree with Phoebe- particularly with the actor that played Han. I thought he did a really good job with an iconic character.

My one problem was how dark the movie was- and I don’t mean in tone. I mean the lighting was really dark for a lot of this movie and I know that if I watched it at home, I wouldn’t be able to make out much of the action.