Nerd Pride Radio

The short answer: I want absolutely no more children.

The long answer: I absolutely LOVE being a parent. I love, love, love it. However, my kid is a perfect fit for my parenting style and that't not always the case and so I'm afraid of not being able to replicate the results. Also, mental illness runs pretty heavily in my family and while my daughter seems to have dodged that bullet, the stats are not looking good for any other potential children of mine. Roughly 1/3 of the females on my mother's side have some sort of bipolar/depression/anxiety combo and typically have a fairly early onset. So I'd rather not bring a human being into the world knowing they could suffer as much as family members of mine have.

We rolled the dice hoping for one child. We got two lovely boys instead. Yes, their autism has lead our lives in directions we did not expect. No, we do not want more children with our genes, especially since we're both on the north side of 45 now.

Perhaps one day, we'd think about fostering someone. But that depends on obtaining a lot of other skills and ensuring that our boys have solid lives of their own.

Yes, but my wife is quite happy that our youngest is about to turn 16.

I also would adopt, but she is not willing to go back to square one.

I suppose it is easier for me to accept the idea because the greater burden of childcare would fall on her and not myself since I have the full time job.

Have considered adopting a teenager and husband/other kids are okay with this. The odds of this happening are very low but it was a useful exercise to think it through with everyone. I am reluctant to sign up as a foster parent because I feel like that would almost guarantee that we did it, as I would not be capable of saying no once presented with any real life situation. Yet the real life situations are still just as real, and here I am, but somehow it is easier to disregard that when some hurdle of red tape stands between you and this choice. I feel a sense of obligation to do this, on the one hand, simply because we can, but on the other hand, a sense that I am a shit parent and probably shouldn't do it. That is why we considered a teenager, to be honest, as we felt we could provide support and love without taking on the responsibility of screwing up the entire child. I probably shouldn't consider myself that level of crap parent and probably am not, but this is the brain talking and it feels it is a bad parent and won't be dissuaded today.

Parenting is another one of those impossible tasks that people have been managing for thousands of years.
If you feel you are a perfect parent, you likely have a bad memory.

You don't get the kid you envisioned (some assembly required), and you have the choice to love the one you got, or wish s/he were different. (There's an autism advocate who says "...one day we will cease to be, and strangers you can love will move in behind our faces.")

You don't get the minutes you want; you get work or privation or smothering. S/he needs you when you're not prepared. You need her/him when s/he's otherwise occupied.

Life is a multiple choice question, and sometimes there's not a good 'none of the above' within reach.

So, while everyone who wishes they were a better parent isn't already good; they at least recognize how important and difficult the task is.

Kids need people to raise them (see King Frederick )
To not do your best, whatever is thrust upon you, is selfish. To worry that it's too much or beyond you, or not a task for everyone is realistic. To wonder how good a job you're doing, probably a good sign.