Crying

[Kyle]

I'm not a crier. In fact, until very recently, I had not cried in over 20 years. But as I get older, I'm becoming some weird softy. Just a few months ago, during the second viewing of Arrival at home with my kids, I teared up at the end. Not bawling, but definitely some wet eyes, right? Then this weekend my kids were watching America's Got Talent on Hulu or something, and I saw this:



And at the end of it, I'm wiping tears from my face. What the hell is going on? I'm crying at maudlin stuff on America's Got Talent? What the fuck?

I'm troubled by this trend.

[Stan]

It's probably just a side effect of male menopause.

[Phoebe]

No joke, hormone changes will produce powerful effects like that. [Also you're going to need to bring in a stack of towels to watch Lion; not tissues in a box, but thick, absorbent towels.] Emotions produced by hormone changes are a thing I've grown very used to, especially in the ups and downs of pregnancy and nursing, and it's like clockwork the rest of the time.

Maybe as we age we expand capacity to have different sorts of emotions, or feelings that accompany a changed perspective on life. Maybe this leads to more crying, or maybe we feel more comfortable expressing ourselves freely. But if it's a really sudden and noticeable change, I wouldn't rule out hormones. I work with a guy who was experiencing all sorts of wild and woolly issues as he got older, and then started taking some hormonal supplements that helped a lot. No idea how rare or common that is, but at least it clued me in to the fact that this occurs.

Oh and let me add, not to scare you since maybe yours was just a lighthearted observation, but there are other neurological disorders that produce spontaneous crying. We can often find reasons to be unhappy (or very joyful) that explain the crying, so it can go unnoticed as an issue. Or some of us (raises hand) are just big babies who cry easily and that's not a problem imo.

[Kyle]

I don't know what it is- but I welcome it. I don't want to be a soulless monster my whole life.

[Phoebe]

Hee hee! Oh, many people do their crying on the inside but they are feeling it just as much. But I agree with you, embrace it regardless, and it's especially healthy for society when adult men can do these things as a totally normal form of expression. One of the things I always liked about Ron is the total lack of hesitation to show physical affection to his male friends, to comfort them or others, and generally express emotions that the culture doesn't assign to manliness. But they are manly things, yes! He's not an outward cryer, though - I've seen it only three times in his whole life. Honestly I think he learned from childhood to mask his sadness. It's unfortunate. He had to be the stoic kid.

[poorpete]

I sometimes go months without crying, but not lately. Usually a Pixar film can make me cry, lately even films I didn't cry at originally, like Moana, certain scenes are more potent when rewatching. Most are of the happy cry kind. Or cry at a touching eulogy sad cry. Inspritaion cry, at a person fleeing Syria. Sad cries for any kids hurt or killed in the news. I haven't cried to feel sorry for myself in a long time, good riddance, I prefer these cathartic cries. Pretty much the moral of Inside Out is where I'm at right now.

[Zen]

Well, I'm usually kind of a crier, when it comes to sappy crap on TV and in movies. The thing that is odd, and that my kids found fairly disturbing, is how stoic I am about real life things that you would think would evoke strong emotions.

I think I am getting more emotional as I age though...

(I think I might post up a little something about the dichotomy I mentioned up there in another thread... It's just something I feel like venting about...)

[WillyGilligan]

[Phoebe]

I welcome the crying of sheer exhaustion and overwork.

[Ronster]

[Phoebe]

Everytime I think to myself, that's it, I have finally hit the wall and I'm done and I cannot survive the morrow, somehow I manage to keep on going. This is because I have no major health issues. It becomes increasingly clear that the only thing that really matters is having major health issues or not having them. I can survive the rest of this nonsense although it is not clear that I'm living my best life in doing so.

[Ronster]

Without meaning to sound cliche I have had to let some things go and cave out 1 hour of time for myself. I try to do that daily, but no two days are alike and each has different demands. You might have to tag-out with your hubby to get that hour, but you deserve it and don't feel guilty about it. Just like a car you need regular maintenance and part of that is relaxing and doing what you need or want to do for yourself.
1. Nobody is perfect
2. You need to take care of yourself if for no other reason than you deserve it
3. By taking care of yourself you are able to be a better person for those who depend on you.

Personally I either set a timer and play Skyrim for 1 hour or I work on making crafts, read some or I clean off my desk while listening to a good podcast. I even set an alarm that tells me to stop working at home and just enjoy being at home. This is new for me since I came off my night shift.

[Phoebe]

Thank you, that is important. I find that when there is no time like that, your brain will carve it out. It will type things here, for instance, instead of getting itself up from chair. Or it will make you add a layer of stitches to your knitting or whatever. My husband and I have work demands at the 9000 level, so no tag team option, alas. More like prevent total collapse while people do what they must to get paid, and hope it's long run good plan. This is why I am duct taping my car instead of having my personal car person do it. Desperation.