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We had an above ground pool and it was time for the yearly servicing(drain,clean,refill) and I was trying to get as many hoses going siphoning the water out. I happened upon an old garden hose piece that was behind the shed and inspected it...it looked good....I did everything you do to start it siphoning but got nothing. That's when the unthinkable happened. The black ants that had made their home in the hose along with their adobe-like homes along with a lot of old pool water whooshed into my mouth and some down my throat. I coughed and gagged for about five minutes. I coughed so hard that I ruptured a blood vessel in my eye and it looked really creepy to have red where the white part is supposed to be. And the ants...uggh it was the worst. at least they were hibernating and died in their sleep, not perforation my stomach lining with their tiny mandibles of rage...

I got a good one


2010
Monterey Bay Aquarium

Me and my Ex-Wife are tooling arround, she's off looking at something and I'm messing with this cool large fish tank that has a remote control camera in it, you control the camera and a video screen that you look at that you can zoom in on/enhance/super close look at creatures in this large tank. You can also take a snapshot that briefly saves on the screen.

So again, my ex is near me and I decide to have a little bit of a goof, raise the camera out of the water remotely and try to snap a pic of her ass to show her, so she's walking arround I'm trying hard to follow her with the camera zooming in, shes to fast, cursing, zooming out trying again, all of a sudden a tap on my shoulder and some stern looking dude says

"I can see what you're doing"

Well not only do you have a tiny screen to observe sea life but above your head is a 55 inch+ flat screen that shows EVERYONE what you're up to, thank god it was some random dude who saw me and not a employee...anyway my ex joined me and I quickly explained that I promise I wasn't a perv and etc.

Those are both awesome (and mortifying) stories.

That was awesome, mimekiller!

Next time, try this: put the hose almost all the way into the liquid, then put your thumb over the end and pull the end of hose out and into the receptacle to start draining. Especially helpful for things like gas. It probably wouldn't have worked with the ant clog though - you probably would have gotten frustrated and sucked on it for the same end result anyway.

And, ewww.