Useless Powers!?!?

[Kyle]

Stolen from :

RULES: I'll suggest a completely useless or pointless superpower. The next poster will then: (1) post a very useful purpose for the superpower; and (2) then post their own useless superpower. The powers need to be actual powers- not just something that anyone can do. So the powers should be supernatural or superhuman, but without obvious utility.[/b]

Here we go:

The power to tell how many revolutions per minute a steam engine is going, just by hearing it.

[Eliahad]

Roger became the finest, most efficient railroad engineer of his day, conserving both money and fuel, keeping his engine running in tip top shape. Everyone wanted to ride on Roger's trains, since they were the smoothest, easiest ride in the nation.

Without resorting to the internet or any sort of map, you can either tell someone exactly how to get to their destination or how long it will take, but not both.

[Kyle]

Ringo won a veritable treasure in prizes on game shows answering questions of "Train A leaves Chicago at 10:00 am headed to San Francisco, if travelling at 75 mph, at what time will it arrive?"

You can levitate half an inch over any surface, but only if it's strong enough to hold your weight if you weren't levitating. You can't fly. Just levitate.

[Phoebe]

Thus you can walk (hover) around barefoot without burning your feet on hot sand or pavement, picking up thorns and stickers, stepping on wasps and centipedes and such. Even in shoes you no longer have to worry about slipping on the ice or encountering tricky rain puddles, or stepping on dirty bathroom floors or wet swimming pool changing rooms or sidewalks with old chewing gum or beer-soaked keg party floors. You can wander the lake without stepping on fishhooks and the ocean without sharp rocks or sea urchins.

You will golf without a golf cart and sightsee in both town and country without tiring from walking and you will slowly cruise up the sides of mountains and down difficult hiking trails.

You will sneak away from the scene of... whatever without being tracked. You will be comfortable while standing there doing the dishes, waiting in line, or watching concerts, where your view of the stage will be just perfectly enhanced by a few inches.

In short, this is an amazing superpower I want SO BADLY and I hope the superpower store people still think it's a discount power when I come shopping.

What if you had the power to instantly, neatly, and perfectly trim off fingernails, whether your own or other people's?

[Stan]

George was the most sought after pet groomer in Lincoln. Declawing no longer happened and furniture lasted longer when cats could get their nails trimmed before they even knew it was happening. George also spent time volunteering at nursing homes and the children's hospital. Many baby's first pictures were free of claw marks thanks to George.

The ability to not get wet while walking in the rain.

[Zen]

People talk about Miami as being the city with they most rain. Well, that isn't even right, it's Mobile Alabama that has the highest actual average rainfall in inches, but if you go per capita, Miami's got Mobile beat. But if you're talking DAYS of rain, nobody beats Seattle and Portland. Seattle has plenty of good, professional courier services that will move important documents around downtown and keep them safe and dry, but Portland? That's a smaller market and a more spread out area to deal with. That's where Rayne Dryson comes in. She has the peculiar ability to walk, or ride her bike, through a downpour and never get a drop of rain on her. Opening a bicycle courier service in her home town, after she figured out how to rig a document tube so it remains in contact with her and stays dry, was the natural step when she was looking for job after high school to help pay for her college expenses. Now, ten years later, she's still doing it full time. She makes enough as the most trusted document courier in Portland to be able to pursue her true love on nights and weekends with her punk rock band, Dark Rayne.

The ability to turn back time, by five seconds.

[Kyle]

[Just a commentary- I love that people's descriptions have become literary. Carry on. This is wonderful.]

[Phoebe]

Kyle is the first person since Cal Hubbard to be inducted into both the Baseball and Football Halls of Fame. As a quarterback for UT and then the Miami Dolphins (later the Columbus Catfish after rising ocean water forced a location change) he had an uncanny ability to predict opposing defenses. Later, in the MLB, every pitcher wanted to work with him, and his stellar batting average and instincts for stealing bases made him the best hitting catcher since Mike Piazza.

At today's moving induction ceremony, Kyle thanked his lovely wife, thinking to himself how glad he was that when they first met, he hadn't actually walked away after being too shy to ask for her number. And he was glad to have said "I love you" back instead of blowing her off the first time she said it. There was also an amazing, diving save that time his best man slipped and almost dropped the wedding rings into the gutter on the very morning of their wedding.

His parents applied the "five second rule" on dropped candy just that one time...

The ability to climb any tree, any time, anywhere, to any spot within the tree.

[Stan]

[I love the names Rayne Dryson and Dark Rayne]

Beauregard "Squirrel Man" Johnson ate squirrel meat an average of 2 meals a day. When he traveled outside of Arkansas, people made fun of his squirrel skin jacket or his car decorated with squirrel tails. Beau cared not one wit for their opinion as he was insanely proud of his self sufficiency and the ability to catch squirrels all year round. With his super power, he never had to eat super market meat full of hormones and mind-control drugs.

The ability to supply the word that is one the tip of someone else's tongue or that they are trying to recall.

[Cazmonster]

Bryce Gordon was the single most prolific hacker of 2012. His ability to crack systems and seemingly know passwords was unparalleled.

At will, you can turn any object you can touch puce. It stays puce as long as you concentrate.

[Phoebe]

Point of order: what color is puce, exactly?

[Kyle]

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=what+color+is+puce

[Mike]

Ashleigh ran a wildly popular cultural sensitivity training seminar entitled Black, White, and Puce where participants suddenly found themselves temporary member of the new race of "Pucians." The effectiveness of these trainings were never proven, but the novelty of it ensured that Ashleigh could retire early.


You can spontaneously make any number of people in your vicinity think they smell either toast or citrus (your choice for each person).

[Stan]

(super villain for a change)

Angry Spice's MO was to make small talk with strangers in their yard. Then she'd create a strong toast small and look concerned while asking, "Did you leave a burner on?" She'd follow them inside and pacify them with a strong citrus smell while cleaning out their spice rack.

Your pinky fingers are ten times as strong as normal pinky fingers.

[Eliahad]

Collin "T-Bone" Ferrera was the greatest bass player of his generation. Longer, harder, faster, that was his motto, and when others tired easily, Ferrara kept on going. Sessions musician, stage performer, his creativity knew no bounds, and his technical ability was un-matched, particularly the strength of his 4th finger technique. Sadly, as a teacher, he was less successful, not understanding why his students couldn't do half the things he could.

You can identify the pitch of other people's tinnitus, but not your own.

[Phoebe]

[Kyle]

Telulah thought that she'd live out her passive-aggressive life in obscurity, until she finally discovered a market for pocket high-pitched noise generators specifically tuned to a person's tinnitus. She was shocked at how many people, most of them avid bus riders and movie watchers, desired such a device to use anonymously.

You will always- 100% of the time-- choose wrong when someone asks you how many fingers they are holding up behind their back.