Nerd Pride Radio

If JFK were still alive he'd be the second-longest-living president ever, only behind reanimated Lincoln.

Ronald Reagan was the first slave of the Lizard People to serve as President. He was closely guided by the Hive Matriarch you knew as Nancy.

Lincoln once skipped a penny across the Mississippi river, killing two.

William Howard Taft was the first president to be referred to by a journalist in print as a douchebag.

Though Clinton's bike ride through the White House with Tony Blair became famous, Gerald Ford was the first President known to skateboard through its halls.

John Tyler was nicknamed "His Accidency", not because he was the first to become president due to a presidential death, but because he shat his pants so much the stain started to resemble a silhouette of King George III.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt suffered a Turkish hex in 1920, severing his body at the waist yet leaving him alive. It was Nicola Tesla who developed the autonomous perambulatory legs he wore starting in 1921.

John Adams may have been the second President, but was the first woman President.

The presidential election of 1876 was decided by a bad back. Congress had to decide which slates of electors to certify as official; after exhausting all other tie breakers, the competition came down to a wrestling match between Tilden and Hayes. Tilden had to back out before the match even started due to a bad back.

Contrary to the legend, Washington didn't actually chop down a cherry tree.


It was a red oak.


He was a big fat liar.

And yet, cherries may have caused President Zachary Taylor to die.

Chester A Arthur's prolific face hair was widely emulated by young men from New York. That's how we got the first Hippies.

JFK's infamous "Ich bin ein Berliner" line didn't mean "I am a Berliner" but actually "I am secretly Hitler."

Hence the cheering.

Barack Obama was born with three nipples.

John Quincy Adams was really zombie-John Adams.

Moon Landrieu had to talk Jimmy Carter out of his assassination plot against Richard Nixon.

James K. Polk was an officially bonded bounty hunter before becoming president and in fact collected on two bounties while in office: Gardenia Beaumont and AnnaMaria Gruenenfeld, both murderesses of some renown.

Ronald Reagan was the inspiration for Thomas A. Swift's Electric and Round Ray Gun.