Nerd Pride Radio

Good morning, Tahlvin!

Good morning, Kyle! It's all about YOU today, you big damn hero, you.

Kyle is a hero, again?! We talked about this! What did he do this time?

I just saw a picture of him throwing spaghetti at screaming children... big damn hero!

A big damn hero! I once saw him get a cat out of a tree and threw it in a lake!

Did I ever tell you about the time I went horseback riding with Kyle, but there weren’t any horses around? Well, Kyle throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well, wouldn’t you know it, my stamina increases with each day and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Kyle decides to enter me in the Breeders’ Cup, right, under the name Turkish Delight. And I’m running in second place, and I’m running and I break my ankle! They’re about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, ‘Don’t shoot him, he’s a human.'

It was Kyle. Big damn hero.

A big damn hero! There they were, the bottom of the ninth, two out, and the home team was down one run. The thunderstorms were coming but they were finishing the game anyway. Ol' Casey was up at bat. I was hungry and the vendors had stopped throwing peanuts. I was getting frantic and then I heard it. A calming voice, right next to me, "There's a taco cart two floors down." It was Kyle. I raced away, and he was right. Casey struck out, the bastard, but Kyle? He was a big damn hero.

Mornin

Did I ever tell you about the time Kyle took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can’t find one. Finally, Kyle takes me into a vacant lot and says, ‘Here we are.’ Well, we sat there for a year and a half. Sure enough, someone constructed a bar around us. Well, the day they opened it, we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burnt the place to the ground. Kyle yelled over the roar of the flames, ‘Always leave things the way you found them! Learned that in Boy Scouts!'

Big. Damn. Hero.

Now everyone just slow down. I mean, it's true that my poop is used as currency in Argentina. And yes, I did once host the Grammy's and gave every award to Corey Hart.

But that doesn't mean I'm a hero. I'm just like all of y'all trying to make my way through this world.

And, of course, I organized the merger of Unicef and Smith & Wessen.

Oh quit being modest, Kyle. You're a big damn hero! Remember that time you helped my friend Ed? His doctor told him straight up that if he didn't keep himself hydrated he was never going to pass that god damn kidney stone. "Nay," said Ed, if it didn't have whiskey he wasn't going to have any part of it. Then Kyle walks along, and goes on a walk with him. I'm watching from the window of my apartment as he leads Ed down to the reservoir. They're talking about something, and f--k me if Ed is leaning down and taking a big f---ing drink, like a god damn camel. Kyle's a big damn hero!

Good morning!

Shouldn't this be in the Good Morning thread? I thought this was the Kyle is a hero thread.

Remember when Kyle ate a mother bird and then regurgitated it to feed its poor orphans? Big Damn Hero!

It's a long story from when we lived in Japan, but suffice to say that Kyle is the only reason we still have mornings.

In a brief but moving ceremony, Vice President Cheney was the one to pin the medal on him when he was awarded the official title: Man of the Rising Sun.

Big damn hero.

My friend Eli had a horse who was trying to pass a kidney stone, and he took him to the water but of course couldn't make him drink. Kyle convinced the horse that he was actually a camel and needed to load up on water for the whole week, and then Eli rode him straight across the desert until he passed that kidney stone. It turned out to be a diamond, which Eli caught in his hands joyfully. He later pawned it in exchange for his first musical instrument, which is why he plays music today.

Mornin'

Good morning! And Kyle is a Big Damn Hero!