This Happened

[Elle]

Thought the entire point of "Kong" toys was that the dog will extract treats from it while being unable to eat it. So here is my Kong toy in infinite small pieces on the bedroom rug.

[Elle]

Also now a garden tool in pieces on my bedroom floor.

You always think you want a smart kid, smart dog, smart everything. Smart is not all it's cracked up to be. Smart dog learns every behavior you want him to do, when he wants to do it. When he senses that your interests and his do not coincide, he will not do the thing. He is not some kind of mindless ass who debases himself just for a chunk of filet mignon! No, he will train YOU to ask him to do something he feels more like doing, in order to get the treat. But no, I don't want to give the treat for THOSE things. I give it only for THIS thing.

Frankly, I wouldn't do it either if I were him (i.e. go in the crate happily). What do I want in a crate? Nothing! Why should anyone be trapped in a crate with zip ties? There's not enough filet mignon in the world to make that okay, right? This is a losing proposition.

[Cazmonster]

Smart dogs can be bored dogs.

Bored dogs are the source of mischief and hilarity, in retrospect.

[Elle]

Smart dog will go potty on command. This is wonderful. But on a very rainy day, it is scary and uncomfortable to venture out alone into the big wide backyard world and make the potty. It is so much more desirable to potty when your human mother walks out into the pouring rain with you, at the crack of dawn in her nightgown and slippers - so much more desirable that this is really the only way you'll do it in the rain.

[Mike]

Rain is scary.

Super-compact emergency rain ponchos can be had for $2-3 at WalMart. $6 if you want one that can be used more than two or three times. Find them in the camping section. Order them from Amazon. Keep a couple by the back door.

[Mike]

You haven't gotten to snow yet.

[Elle]

I like snow winter is coming. The face there was hit by accident it I'm letting it stay as appropriate to content Thanx autocorrect.

[Elle]

name of hotel toilet paper here same as name of "gifted" program at kid school ugh hate all these words. Found my wine glass thanks.

[Elle]

My kid started playing for this soccer team back when they lost most games and were so small! Over the years now they're a dominant team, so every season the better players from the better teams join. This means ultimately my kid is now a good player on a team of top talent. But the coaches who have been with her all this time still put her in as the starting center forward and that warms my heart. They don't have to. She's doing well though.

[Elle]

My dad used to come to every single game of mine and most practices too, and he used to practice with me every day. At the time I thought that was great but with decades of hindsight and parenting it kind of blows my mind.

[Elle]

Many years ago my husband's brother and his wife became quite liberated from the obligations of extended family. I got to that place many many years ago but my husband is not quite there yet. I think that after today he will be.

[Elle]

Wrong. He's not at that place and doubtless never will be. But I am done dealing. I will not be lied to by idiots so my time can be wasted and my weekend ruined. What jerks.

[Cazmonster]

[Elle]

That seems wise. Also you will need this money for Gencon. I hear Barb is a yarn person so just send her to me. It's desolate here. Everyone goes off for a four day game binge party and I sit here alone with yarn.

[Cazmonster]

If I thought sending the guys to a place they've never been with people they don't know for four days would end in anything but disaster I totally would.

[Elle]

This morning I stumbled from my bed and all I know was that the number on the clock started with 5. I followed the creature outdoors like the meek servant I am, and immediately was struck in the NECK by a SMALL BIRD. What the heck? I shrieked - nobody heard me, except probably my next door neighbor who surely by now has figured out I'm crazy. But dude, this one was not my fault - it was a whole bird, right there in my neck. Whoosh! The dog just pranced along, happy as a clam. , I hear you Black Francis. Here we are, thinking whether we like it or not!

[Elle]

I was stuck in traffic earlier, flipping through my emails, when I passed the one that never fails to make me apopleptic with rage: the weekly Do You Know These People? from Facebook, which resists all attempts to banish it permanently as spam. Today the second (of course) person it asks about is my own Dad, who apparently started an account years ago for some business purpose and I have never known that until today.

[Elle]

Someone I knew and much admired has died. I can't figure out when the funeral is. Many thoughts about the futile and transitory character of our existence. Then one of the few real-life friends I hang out with is getting a divorce. I know only one other friend who has gotten a divorce and it didn't look very pleasant even from my limited external perspective. Anyway, the divorcing friend apparently found someone else already (or who knows, maybe that's why she is divorcing). I can't help being sad not only for what she's going through but also because I'm afraid I won't see her much - she might even move away permanently after this. My husband is friends with her husband and he's all freaked out about it now too. But one really good thing happened today: a person that I was really, really sure did not like me at all just sent me the nicest note in the world and I shed an actual tear, it was so unexpected and over the top. Whoa. I feel like we should hug but I'm an awkward hugger so thankfully it was email.

[Elle]

I really need to get my butt up and DO THINGS but I am SO tired, and there is NO respite from being so tired, and I just don't wanna. Must. Don't wanna. Must. Let's see what I can do in 90 minutes - this is an experiment.

[Elle]

Invited to wedding as family of five to extensive affair, big reception dinner. Send major present of beaucoup bucks, as seems fitting. Told later need to hire babysitter as cannot bring kids after all. Sigh. At least bride won't be one of those who complains I didn't "cover" her "per plate costs".