I'll direct you to my FAQ.
1. No cooked vegetables (outside of potatoes) of any kind are available. If you ask, I'll make you eat gas station burritos wrapped in gas station hot dog buns for a month.
2. If you ask for anything involving cole slaw, I'll force the pot roast down your throat whole. That's the one that I've microwaved exclusively for ten minutes each hour, for seven days straight.
3. Ketchup goes on all versions of eggs.
4. Avocado only exists in guac. Anything else is a crime against humanity and will combine the penalties from point 1 and 2.
5. Any sort of salad (tuna, egg, chicken, etc.) will never have celery in it. Because celery is a crime worse than non-guac avocado. This same rule applies for soups.
6. The only carbonated beverages available are root beer and nearly frozen Monster. Those are the only beverages available other than flavored lemonades on occasion and Long Island Iced Teas. Water is not available, because water is not a beverage. It's something you use to make actual beverages. If you ask for water, you eat four pounds of celery. Then you have to do the Saltine challenge. You'll then be provided with one ice cube. There's your water, you fucking asshole.
7. Any one who touches El Jefe's iced tea, comments on it, or even looks in its direction will have their soul flensed from their body, prepared as a gas station burrito, seasoned with celery and avocado, and streamed directly up your one of your nostrils with a high pressure fire department hose. Ketchup will go up the other nostril.
8. Children aren't welcome. Neither are parents. Or any one over the age of 60. Or under the age of 25. Neither are white dudes. On alternating days, humans are not welcome at all.
9. Rule 8 may be applied on any day at any time for any reason the Chef desires.Statistics: Posted by El Jefe — Mon Jun 03, 2019 1:12 pm
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