This Happened

Kyle · Post by **Kyle** » Tue May 23, 2023 7:47 am

Tahlvin wrote: ↑Sun May 21, 2023 4:20 pm The wife and I will be going to Scotland in June 2024! We’re doing a Rick Steve’s tour.

Awesome! What's a Rick Steve's tour?

Tahlvin · Post by **Tahlvin** » Tue May 23, 2023 8:11 am

He does a travel show on PBS that I've watched off and on forever: https://www.ricksteves.com/

We're doing the Best of Scotland in 13 Days tour. Then the following year, we want to do the Best of Germany, Austria & Switzerland in 14 Days tour. Then we'll see what's next. We'd love to see France, Scandinavia, Ireland, England, Italy. And we'd like to fit them in while we're still young and active enough to handle the walking/hiking involved.

Kyle · Post by **Kyle** » Tue May 23, 2023 1:37 pm

As someone who recently found out that he's 25% Scottish- I fully support this plan.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Wed May 24, 2023 5:22 pm

The word "recently" inspires curiosity but also not my business.

Post by **Mike** » Thu May 25, 2023 7:04 am

Phoebe wrote: ↑Wed May 24, 2023 5:22 pm The word "recently" inspires curiosity but also not my business.

DNA test.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Thu May 25, 2023 12:28 pm

Ah, Is this one of those 23andMe type tests? Is there a good one for determining ethnicity?

I have been holding off on it because the questions I'm curious about weren't answerable with earlier versions. But I haven't kept up with what is possible or accurate in the latest versions. I had seen some from the husband's family that didn't inspire confidence. If I think of la familia in terms of eight basic branches, five of the eight are pretty straightforward and can be traced back easily, but three are a little more mysterious.

I have a very small family so it would be fun to find cousins - I have generally found such cousins delightful when they appear. There's something creepy about it too though - I met one of my cousins before the pandemic for the first time ever, and we were exactly the same height and when we looked into each other's face at one point, it was weirdly similar. Imagine how intense that is when you have an identical twin or even a sibling that looks a lot like you! I don't have those things so had never experienced it before. My kids look enough like me that I don't think a fake one was smuggled in but basically they look like Dad. So it's a little wild to encounter these people you don't expect, who are very similar to you. The older I get the more I think my face is weird. Something is wrong with it! One side is crooked for no damn reason. These things didn't show up before. Maybe I've been unconsciously scrunching up one side of my face more than the other for 40 years and this is the result.

Oh you know how they have those photos where you can compare the halves of your face? Mine are two completely different human beings - It's not even close to the same person!

Mando · Post by **Mando** » Thu May 25, 2023 8:12 pm

I have traced my line back 12 generations in this country and 2 more in Italy, but that is just my surname.

My daughter did the 23andMe and is mostly English, yet my uncle on my mother's side has a very wide mixture.

One surname is only 1/16,384th of my DNA at the 14th generation, yet it is how we define ourselves.

there is a free resource with a printable family tree, https://www.familysearch.org/en/

Tahlvin · Post by **Tahlvin** » Fri May 26, 2023 2:28 am

I can only trace my surname back to 1750s in America; I know they're German, but cannot locate the original ancestor of that name that crossed the Atlantic. I've even hired professional genealogists to try to track down the parents of the guy born in 1750s Pennsylvania, and they're having a hard time finding anything. I've traced my mother's surname back to the 1400s in England, and they came to the colonies in the 1600s. One of them married a Spencer, who was related to Princess Dianna, and that surname has been traced back to the 1200s. We did the Ancestry.com DNA test: both my wife and I, both of my parents, an aunt and an uncle on my mom's side (my dad's an only child), and one of my nieces. We found my mom's side was a lot more English and less German than we thought. We also confirmed we have no Native American blood: a relative on that side was married to the daughter of a Native American chief, but when she died, he remarried and the new wife shipped her kids off to the Native American relatives and we're descended from the second wife.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Fri May 26, 2023 6:40 am

A few years back my wife did genealogy on my side of the family (her side of the family had a lot of eastern European Jews; even those that didn't die in the Holocaust left few records behind). It turns that I'm mostly English; I had thought I was much more Irish than I am. And I'm descended from a witch! Mary Bradbury was the last person to be convicted of witchcraft in Salem. She wasn't executed because by then the courts had started to come to their senses, but she was still legally speaking a witch.

That's also how I am very distantly related to Ray Bradbury.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Fri May 26, 2023 9:50 am

Dang that is very cool! Looking at the genealogy makes me sad because everywhere you turn is evidence of people with potential brilliance who were squelched by the circumstances of life. Then I arrive with every ability to make use of potential, and instead sit on it like a great egg that should never be hatched. What the hell girl.

Tahlvin · Post by **Tahlvin** » Sat May 27, 2023 1:54 am

Tahlvin wrote: ↑Sat May 20, 2023 6:36 pm
Phoebe wrote: ↑Sat May 20, 2023 4:53 pm
Tahlvin wrote: ↑Thu May 18, 2023 3:52 am We'll be helping my daughter and her boyfriend move to Boulder, CO, next weekend. We'll be driving through Nebraska and near Denver on the way, so I'll be sure wave to all of you as we pass!
Oh my goodness! If you're coming through during the day you should stop and say hello! We could have a lunch or a dinner or a snack or whatever. Depending on your route we are either really convenient to it or could meet you at an even more convenient place.
We’ll be passing through Omaha and Lincoln on I-80. But we have to drive about 9-10 hours that day, not counting stops, so probably won’t be stopping for a meet up.

Did you see me wave as our 4 vehicle caravan went through? I was the one driving the 20 foot U-Haul while wearing noise canceling earbuds due to how loud it was and happily singing the lyrics to 80s music with as much gusto as I could muster. Four to five more hours of driving today, then the unloading begins.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Sat May 27, 2023 8:15 am

I did not see you but did feel the disturbance in the force, yes!

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Wed Jul 12, 2023 11:40 am

I have an opportunity to switch to elementary school for next year. I think I'd like it, but I'm not sure if I could do it at all well. So I'm not sure what to do.

Post by **Mike** » Wed Jul 12, 2023 1:27 pm

Do it! Do it do it do it!

So you don't know if you could do it well? So what? You've repeatedly said you don't feel you do a good enough job with the kids you have now, so you won't be worse off in that regard. But also I've heard you describe the work you've put in and the innovative things you've tried, and I know you're willing to put in the work. Elementary kids respond better to authority than older kids. Maybe you'll feel more of the payoff working with a more responsive group. Maybe not, but you won't know until you try. And like I say, I don't think you would be worse off in terms of how you feel about your performance.

I say go for it.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Wed Jul 12, 2023 7:34 pm

Akiva wrote: ↑Wed Jul 12, 2023 11:40 am I have an opportunity to switch to elementary school for next year. I think I'd like it, but I'm not sure if I could do it at all well. So I'm not sure what to do.

This is exciting but I understand why it's a difficult choice. The skill set of being able to command a room and deal with defiant miscreants is still going to be needed. I would find that very difficult. The hope is that the defiance is a slightly lesser scale than you find with the older kids, and is counterbalanced by a lot more natural curiosity and enthusiasm for learning among the younger who haven't yet become quite so jaded or beyond the effort of participating in school. In that sense it's a great joy to talk to younger kids who want to figure things out.

I think Mike is right that you should go for it. Even if it's from frying pan to fire at least it's a new fire that you haven't experienced before. Shaking things up and having a change might be good all by itself.

If my casual encounter with grade schools as a parent means anything, anecdotally, there are a lot of students also requiring special interventions these days, and the situation can be a big mess. I feel like you would be really good at understanding the uniqueness of kids, and would not be likely to misdiagnose them (I know technically teachers aren't the psychologist, but in our experience many teachers confidently have taken on the role of diagnostician, and they have tremendous power to manipulate the outcome of assessments). I feel like you would not put students in a box that harms their ability to learn and develop. It can be frustrating when teachers don't understand the psychological instruments they're being asked to used to evaluate children. It's extremely frustrating when they have no idea what to do with an intelligent child. So I feel like your presence would be a gift at least to some of the kids who really need a person who can understand them. That would be worthwhile all by itself, so there are two completely successful independent reasons to go for it .

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Fri Jul 14, 2023 9:23 pm

I took the job. And it scares the shit out of me.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Sat Jul 15, 2023 12:36 am

Akiva wrote: ↑Fri Jul 14, 2023 9:23 pm I took the job. And it scares the shit out of me.

That is great! That you took the job, not that you are scared! Congratulations and also YES TO YOU for taking the leap and doing something awesome!

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Mon Jul 17, 2023 9:45 am

My transfer to the elementary school fell through.

Post by **Mike** » Mon Jul 17, 2023 10:33 am

Poop!

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Mon Jul 17, 2023 8:22 pm

Mike wrote: ↑Mon Jul 17, 2023 10:33 amPoop!

Agreed.

Bourbon isn’t helping.

Tahlvin · Post by **Tahlvin** » Tue Jul 18, 2023 3:34 am

Sorry about that.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Wed Jul 19, 2023 2:51 am

Aaaaaaggggghh what the heck?! Can you try the same plan but at a different school? Presumably this is the moment they're moving personnel around a lot to cover gaps?

Post by **Mike** » Thu Jul 20, 2023 8:46 am

We went to pick up our dog from the vet (she was boarding there over the weekend). The guy in front of us in line was in his sixties, and his voice kinda broke a little when he told the receptionist his name and said, "I'm here to have my cat euthanized." While she was grabbing paperwork, his eyes were all sad and he mentioned, "Yeah, my dog passed just a couple weeks ago."

Then it's my turn at the counter, and the man sits next to my wife. He pulls out his phone and hunches over it and says, "I might as well join them."

Lisa waited for a a bit, but then gathered herself and asked him, "What do you mean by that?" The guy holds up his phone and points down the row of waiting people and says, "Everyone else is on their phone, so I guess that's what I'll do too."

*Whew!* Cuz Lisa was already forming an intervention plan in her head, but conversation revealed he was just appropriately sad for the occasion and not suicidal.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Sat Jul 22, 2023 9:32 am

Wow, sometimes context is everything! Poor guy, losing two pets in a row.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Thu Jul 27, 2023 10:36 am

If you go digging into genealogy you have to be prepared for whatever. I am astonished by the amount of documentation now available online. One whole branch of the family vanishes into "undocumented, even by a parish, Polish peasantry" but branches that came to America earlier are now easily traced through census documents, wills, and other records that have been digitized. Results:

Ancestors include:
Many normal seeming farmers, including what seems like a shocking number of older dudes deciding to marry a young recently widowed woman who then goes on to have 10 more kids!

A Viking who laid waste to the poor inhabitants of Bretagne before being pacified with the gift of some kind of estate and is memorialized as a minor character in the show, "The Vikings". LOL, meditating on this for inspiration so I can do a better job at work: concede to these demands or I will sack this city!

A plantation owner who was not wealthy enough to have more than a few slaves, but who so fully dehumanized them that he made arrangements to distribute their children separately among his own children in exactly the same way he distributed his small herd of cows. Reading his will was honestly a blood-curdling experience and one can only hope that some of those ancestral ties involved the mom secretly having a baby with the milkman because otherwise this man contributed his two cents to my creation.

An enslaved woman named Phoebe. You can't make this up.

Tahlvin · Post by **Tahlvin** » Thu Jul 27, 2023 1:16 pm

My family tree has been mostly benign. I haven't found any ancestors that owned slaves so far. I have found an ancestor that married a relative of Princess Di, that's perhaps our biggest brush with fame. It's not all sunshine though. There's one relative that married an indigenous woman and had several kids, the wife died and he remarried, and the new wife didn't want to raise the first wife's kids, so they shipped those kids off to a reservation. The indigenous folks on the reservation weren't too thrilled about mixed-race kids, either, so I'm sure they didn't have a good life there. And I'm descended from that guy and his second wife.

Post by **Mike** » Thu Jul 27, 2023 3:13 pm

We are from the American South. We have confederate soldiers in the mix, and we have official records of one slaveholder who owned three slaves whose names we know. There were probably more. We have one ancestor who wrote the definitive text (at that time) of indigenous American cultures and who also took an indigenous wife, although like Tahlvin, I don't believe we are descended from that wife.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Mon Aug 28, 2023 6:52 am

The kids start school today.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Mon Aug 28, 2023 8:37 am

Oh wow, that seems late relative to here? Hope the year goes well!

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Sun Sep 03, 2023 2:37 pm

It took a couple weeks for the first teacher to send me a letter about my kid, lol. The issue seems to be "Why does a thing need to be written on the special piece of paper rather than on another piece of paper that seems functionally identical except that it's not the special piece of paper?" Sigh. Out of several teachers there will be at least one where this sort of thing is going to be a deal. I have really perfected my thank you note into an art form. I am so grateful that they are informing me about the failure to comply, and I will certainly follow up on it at home and attempt to induce the child to write the thing on the proper piece of paper. I am also very sorry that he has made pen marks on his arm and leg. Believe me, nobody is sorrier about this proto tattooing behavior than me. God help us if they try to say anything at odds with the history lessons he gets from home, which to be fair are much more detailed and accurate. I find that teachers of the sciences and social sciences take particular umbrage at students offering additional information beyond the lesson. For some reason we have never had this trouble with language arts or math teachers, who generally seem excited to hear about another good book or historical context or alternative approach to solving the problem. It's not a universal rule because we have had some great history teachers but... It kind of depends if they're simpatico with the CRT we offer in the home, and if they are comfortable with the idea that the science textbook might not give us the most up-to-date or nuanced picture. It makes me feel better that I have a friend who is much smarter and better informed than I am and certain teachers absolutely loathed having her kids in class even more, because the kids, bless them, could not get past the incompatibility between home knowledge and school knowledge.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Thu Sep 07, 2023 1:57 pm

Heat advisory here for the last 3 days. Brutal.

But hey--tomorrow is going to be only 90!

Kyle · Post by **Kyle** » Fri Sep 08, 2023 5:03 am

Its going to be 108 today. We've had something like 40 days this year over 105. Its been miserable this summer and everyone in Central Texas is exhausted from the constant heat. But we're supposed to get rain this weekend and highs next week in the high 80s!

Kyle · Post by **Kyle** » Fri Sep 08, 2023 6:54 pm

It’s 7pm and 106 degrees. I’m ready for this to be over.

Post by **Mike** » Fri Sep 08, 2023 9:53 pm

I do not envy you. We had a couple weeks of 100+ weather, and I'm more than done.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Tue Sep 12, 2023 1:20 pm

Just screamed at a class for the first time. It's not even the middle of September.

Fuck I hate this job.

Kyle · Post by **Kyle** » Tue Sep 12, 2023 2:21 pm

It's not 100 degrees! Praise the baby lord jesus! And here's the best part: mid-90s predicted for the next seven days!

I can't tell you how happy this makes me. We haven't had cold tap water since May. I can't wait to get cold tap water back.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Tue Sep 12, 2023 9:27 pm

I really don't know how people are handling that level of being baked constantly. I found it nearly intolerable to be where I am and want to go to a colder place. Honestly don't know if I could make it through that much over 100° weather.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Wed Sep 20, 2023 8:34 am

This didn't just happen so it probably doesn't belong here, but I need to shout it into the void desperately. Parenting sons and daughters is no different in many respects and should not be different in some respects, but other differences are real and there's no point pretending they don't exist. Nor is it easy to pretend even if you wanted to, when your son begins to grow tall and large and eat six tacos at a sitting. He does not understand his own powers and functions at this time. His voice is still high, he's still my smol baby at some level. Yet that child will destroy a toilet and make it dysfunctional. For literal months now I have been going around de-plugging toilets like it's my job to be plumber. The competency level of the other de-plugging staff in this household is zero or the motivation is very low, lower than mine. My motivation to deplug a toilet is high even though my enjoyment of the task is all the way to the opposite. Learn how toilet paper works and how much can be used. Learn how your own body functions. Aaaaaaagh!

Indoor plumbing is one of the greatest inventions of the human species. And I say that even though I'm okay with digging a hole and burying outside or whatever. I could probably use a litter box like a cat, deep in hiding in the woods somewhere. But I tell you that I understand how to use a toilet and I don't think it's hard to learn. I feel like it's easy to learn and that we should be grateful for indoor plumbing and ready to learn.

While I'm here let me just say one of my other children has the same kind of grim and judgmental attitude I do, except it applies to everything including ME. It's an unpleasant experience to be on the receiving end of what I recognize must be the same type of grim judgmental attitude that I display towards the world. It makes me cry sometimes! Unbelievable. Yet I made it so. The critical difference is I expect other people to tolerate my grim judgments *because I do all the goddamn MF work in this house*. If someone else wants to do even a hair of it I'll accept all kinds of judgment.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Wed Sep 20, 2023 8:46 am

Phoebe wrote: ↑Wed Sep 20, 2023 8:34 am *because I do all the goddamn MF work in this house*

This sounds depressingly familiar.

Post by **Mike** » Wed Sep 20, 2023 10:36 am

If you do not want advice, then I will say that that sucks, and you deserve better. They are perfectly capable of helping out around the house and cleaning up after themselves. And it would be nice if they could help out or at least be more appropriative of you or... preferably... both.

If you do want advice, I will take my best shot.

Kyle · Post by **Kyle** » Wed Sep 20, 2023 11:51 am

I do all the dishes and laundry in my house. But I'm weird because I like doing dishes and laundry.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Wed Sep 20, 2023 2:56 pm

I have tried to train my children to do these things but ultimately it's easy to fall back into the patterns of our own training. My parents wanted me to get the good grades and do all the extras, so that's what they expected me to spend my time on. I did have to do a metric s*** ton of yard work. Or maybe we should call it shitacre in this case. I did a lot of yard work. I was trained in the doing of dishes and ironing and such but I did not have to perform those duties almost ever. I didn't start cleaning toilets and doing regular housework like that until I lived in my own apartment. My kids are lightly trained in how to do the tasks but if they have homework it comes first so I don't expect the housework the way I should. Essentially I've dug my own hole and now I'm living down here in it. My spouse legit does not have the time even if he did have the inclination which he does not. He would pay for me to hire someone and I might do that, but one of the consequences of having a certain type of dog is that it's hard for strangers to enter your house unless you're there to monitor the entire process. Again this is the hole I dug for myself and I'm living in the hole. The fact that you understand how it happened and that you're responsible for it happening does not make it more pleasant to live it out day to day. I feel like I need more labor out of the kids. This is really where it breaks down. At one point I had hired a house cleaner and that was working out great because the dog loved her - then in the pandemic everybody quit. And It seemed like a great idea to get a puppy.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Tue Sep 26, 2023 7:09 pm

Now the puppy is large and he and all the other puppies of the world want to bark bark bark bark bark it up. My brain is vibrating painfully within its rigid prison. Bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark. I was driven to the edge by feelings about the workplace and actually phoned real humans to discuss my options for switching careers entirely. Turns out it would not be that hard. Turns out I make very little money relative to other people who do things that are so much easier and require almost no preparation. I used to love my job and unfortunately this is no longer the case. I also feel like the window of "too late to change course" Is closing rapidly and no matter what happens, I will have wasted all my potential to do something good or useful in life. Ugh. I did not have so many of these thoughts while taking antidepressants but I honestly feel like my view is much more accurate now. The problem was not with me or my brain chemistry. The problem was in other places, where people behave poorly and treat others poorly. Reacting negatively to that is a sign of mental health and not the opposite.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Thu Sep 28, 2023 6:49 am

Child taking his first sip of coffee: what is this liquid death?!

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Thu Sep 28, 2023 9:41 am

Phoebe wrote: ↑Tue Sep 26, 2023 7:09 pm I will have wasted all my potential to do something good or useful in life.

Sounds like me.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Fri Sep 29, 2023 9:14 am

Akiva wrote: ↑Thu Sep 28, 2023 9:41 am
Phoebe wrote: ↑Tue Sep 26, 2023 7:09 pm I will have wasted all my potential to do something good or useful in life.
Sounds like me.

Despair is not allowed though! We must not despair. Maybe about the climate but not current circumstances. I received this message and dwelling on it was good.

Akiva · Post by **Akiva** » Fri Sep 29, 2023 9:16 am

Phoebe wrote: ↑Fri Sep 29, 2023 9:14 am
Akiva wrote: ↑Thu Sep 28, 2023 9:41 am
Phoebe wrote: ↑Tue Sep 26, 2023 7:09 pm I will have wasted all my potential to do something good or useful in life.
Sounds like me.
Despair is not allowed though! We must not despair. Maybe about the climate but not current circumstances. I received this message and dwelling on it was good.

I wish I could seeing things more positively, but I don't.

Mando · Post by **Mando** » Mon Oct 02, 2023 6:18 pm

Fall is here and it is my favorite time of the year.

Unfortunately I have too much work that needs to be done before I can enjoy it.

Do you ever feel like you have to work now so that you can do something you enjoy another day only to realize that the "anotherr day" isn't coming. I'm not getting any younger and theres so much more work to be done.

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Thu Oct 05, 2023 7:49 am

Ditto to this entire post!

Phoebe · Post by **Phoebe** » Tue Oct 10, 2023 4:27 pm

I'm at a fancy Mexican restaurant happy hour - the room is empty except for me, kid, two older ladies, and a man I swear is Jack Harlow eating with lady friend right next to him. I feel awkward about photographic him because a) that's stupid bad behaviors and b) if he turns this way at all, he looks right at our little table and it's already probably suspect that I was peering over the bifocals at him. But freal here he is with girlfriend. The only reason I noticed is that she's very striking looking. They are chowing down and it's a spectacular restaurant, So....