Life or Death Debate: Dipping Sauce

[Phoebe]

He is stealing my answer because he knows he is more eloquent than I can ever hope to be. Stop it you monster, don't talk about rotisserie chickens and juices and buttery croissants when I'm weak and only had a salad for dinner.

[Mike]

According to the judges, the correct answer was "secret sauce"** and nobody got it. There is no first place

However, Phoebe was correct in finally settling on gravy as her single best choice. Good enough for 2nd place. 3 points!

DMDarcs gets 1 point for effort.

This debate has ended. The judges have spoken.


**Secret sauce here defined as any sauce consisting primarily of a blend of mayonnaise and ketchup. It can be spiced or flavored in many ways and goes by many names, all of which count as "best".

[Phoebe]

In other words, you mean Raising Canes chicken finger dipping sauce and I'm not even going to argue with that. Whatever. Just don't get it anywhere else.

[Mike]

The judges did mention Raising Cane's by name.

[Phoebe]

Obviously. They know what they're talking about.

[Mando]

HP brown sauce

Yes brown sauce from the U.K.
It has more body than ketchup and more vinegar. It compliments everything it touches and is not some sugar-laden hack of a condiment like ketchup or a one note song like mustard.

It's brown, it's tasty, it'll make you no-food wastey!

Spicier than Old Bay, it comes from the UK

[Kyle]

Wait. So the best dipping sauce is 1000 Island dressing?

[Mike]

Take it up with the judges.

[Kyle]

Take it up with the judges.

I'm not criticizing. I respect that the judge's decisions are final and correct. I'm just surprised.

[Phoebe]

Raising Cane's dipping sauce is completely different from thousand Island dressing. They may share some of the same ingredients but it is a radically different entity. Despite this I think the Raising Cane's sauce would be terrific on a Reuben, so what we're really saying here is that thousand Island dressing should go its way in the universe alone and leave us here with that other sauce. We'll be fine.

[bralbovsky]

Just for the record, I wasn't stealing, I was conceding.

While the judges may do whatever they wish, it's disheartening to discover that all of the ranked sauces are functionally out of reach for most of the population of the planet.

[Phoebe]

Just for the record, I wasn't stealing, I was conceding.

Now that it's morning and I've had breakfast, I accept your claims. This is probably why my dogs can't be reasoned with when they know I have chicken and I'm not sharing. In fact with a rotisserie chicken there is always sharing; with Raising Cane's Chicken there is no sharing. Hmmm.

[Kyle]

Chick yum?

[Mando]

Laugh while you can, monkey boy. The world knows and has experienced the superior sauce that is HP Brown Sauce...I had some yesterday evening and it was an experience that few mortals are worthy of enjoying.

[Phoebe]

I am not the world! But that sauce is not better than my gravy, which I just now ate. The gravy was a high art. Here's an interesting empirical report:
I was given some french fries earlier and I thought of heating this leftover stew with gravy SO THAT I could dip the fries in it, but then I found some leftover Raising Cane's sauce and used THAT for the fries, because it is really, really good, and better than anything else I could have dipped the fries in EXCEPT for the gravy, which was too precious to waste on reheated fries and instead deserved chunks of potato and roasted carrot as its Dippers. Which is what I did. Heaven. We got the right answer here, which is: Gravy, and for the weak, Raising Canes sauce. HP is a printer company. I don't even know. I want to point out that Raising Canes sauce IS NOT a combo of ketchup and mayo, as people have that misconception. Nope.

[Mike]

I want to point out that Raising Canes sauce IS NOT a combo of ketchup and mayo, as people have that misconception. Nope.

If by that you mean that it is not simply that, because the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, then you are correct. If, on the other hand, you are claiming that Cane's Sauce is not literally made by adding ketchup to mayo along with black pepper, garlic and Worcestershire, then you are gravely mistaken.

1/2 cup mayo
1/4 cup ketchup
1/2 tsp garlic salt
1/2 tsp black pepper
1/4 tsp Worcestershire

Done. I made mine with garlic powder, but there's salt enough in ketchup to cover for it.

Is Cane's Sauce a little more fine tuned on flavors and proportions? Maybe--I can tell a difference in consistency, but not flavor. Does it probably contain added emulsifiers, stabilizers, and other chemicals that preserve it? That seems likely. But taste the above and it's clear that it is the base of Cane's Sauce, and almost surely what they started with back before they were a national chain. Plus... it's tasty as all git-out.

[Mando]

Oh, you guys mean Zax's Sauce from Zaxby's...it's okay, but well I guess I will have to send you some HP sauce to put your insecurities to rest.

Clearly, when NerdPrideRadioCon becomes a thing the "Dipping Sauces" track will include a taste test.

[Phoebe]

People may think that's the recipe for Cane's Sauce but we would need someone from there to tell us and I think they all have to sign a blood pact of secrecy. The reason I doubt it is that I'm sitting here with all of these things in my house and what you have described is not what is in the little plastic cup from Canes. However, if Canes says this is the recipe, then I'll believe it. I taste something more like what you get when you apply hidden valley ranch spice powder to sour cream and THEN add in some kind of tomato-based sauce, which might well be french dressing or just tomato sauce; there are small bits of some kind of seasoning in this which are definitely not just peppercorns, but I don't know what all they are. Now I want to know.

[Mike]

I'm certain that your fantasy world is very comforting, but you're wrong. I've found the recipe several places, all claiming to have originated from the divulged secrets of some ex-Cane's employee or another. I put no faith in those claims, but all of them are essentially the same recipe. Not one of them mentions ranch (because there's no dill in Cane's Sauce, and therefore no ranch).

But here's the important part: I've made this recipe. It was awesome. And we made way too much, so we bottled the remainder. I've tried it side by side with authentic Cane's, and other than being just slightly thicker, there was no noticable difference.

But go ahead, explain to me how my plebian palette is far too dull to tease out all the subtleties of fast food chicken sauce. The place makes chicken fingers, texas toast, mediocre cole slaw, and nothing else. Don't tell me that somehow the sauce is where they decided to invest in some complicated gourmet magic. Seriously, make it yourself. Try it.

[Phoebe]

Well, I didn't want to phrase it so bluntly, but your plebian palate is far too dull to tease out all the subtleties of fast food chicken sauce, because the recipe isn't the same as the sauce, as I try the side by side test.

[Mike]

Ha! Of course they're the same. And I'd say "you're welcome", but I know you've already closed your mind to reality. But at least I can say I tried.

[Phoebe]

Reality is in my fridge! For one thing, "Mayo" is too generic a term for this. What kind gets mixed in? And then, there are bits of seasoning, and not all of them are peppercorns. What are they? Not sure but it cannot just be pepper alone, or they'd all be peppercorns. ????????

[Mike]

Listen, I appreciate that you, more than anyone else here, has really latched on to the "life or death" nature of this exercise, but this one's over. And you won. I'm sorry for the judges' passive-aggressive demotion of your win to a technical 2nd place (which is why I've removed my self as a contestant from debates I've set up). But gravy still won. It's over. Move on to Disney Songs.

And besides, you gave up the game back before you realized you still had fight left:

According to the judges, the correct answer was secret sauce**

**Secret sauce here defined as any sauce consisting primarily of a blend of mayonnaise and ketchup. It can be spiced or flavored in many ways and goes by many names, all of which count as "best".

In other words, you mean Raising Canes chicken finger dipping sauce and I'm not even going to argue with that.

[Kyle]

I almost started a Life or Death Debate: Cane's Sauce Recipe, but then decided it would rip apart the very fabric of all society.

[Phoebe]

I think I'll be the judge of when I'm done arguing about things that have life or death importance, thank you very much. I think I've made it clear that Raising Cane's sauce is wonderful and that it's in fact the ideal sauce for those moments when you don't want to waste gravy on something like a crappy french fry.

My kid has overheard me and now is trying to argue about which chicken is the best so we're going to need a new thread for that I guess. Because if he doesn't think Raising Cane's has the best chicken fingers he's also totally wrong.

My second husband AKA Tim Sweeney is also making provocative remarks to the effect that catfish is the best kind of fish, apparently not in a metaphorical sense but in a culinary sense. So clearly there's a lot to argue about and fish is one of the things.

[bralbovsky]

Raising Cane not being generally available here, a test will have to wait.
HP sauce acquired. Interesting character, Would not consume a whole bag of chips and be sad that it didn't last. Nevertheless, I agree it deserved a nomination. Sauerkraut, horseradish and other vinegar infused edibles must have been a huge innovation in their times, and I do like them, but they invite, maybe even enforce moderation (one thinks of the chemical burn sensation of consuming entirely too many salt and vinegar chips, with or without dipping sauce)
Good, but not addictive.

[Phoebe]

And what else does it go on? A lot of food types and unexpected things are good with gravy, and this is true to a similar extent for runner up Cane's sauce. On the other hand, what do I know, having arrived at Friday in such disarray and bad shape that I am wearing only one sock and cannot muster the will needed to rise up and search for its mate? Someone just do all my things for the day and I'll lay here with the tissues and bucket. UGH.

[Eliahad]

I'm sorry. The correct answer is Jalapeño Mayo from The Mountain Sun. Thank you. It's the only thing I will ever go out of my way to ask for on the side, and therefore the only thing worth having. We'll have to wait until July 21st to get a judges ruling on it.