Serious Question
Posted: Mon Jun 19, 2023 11:22 am
I'm looking for some serious advice from the folks on this board.
My child came out as transgender in 2016. After telling our family, one of my sisters, C, who still lives in our hometown in Indiana and is an evangelical Christian, sent my wife information from Focus on the Family, which is strongly anti-LGBTQ+. We ignored it. Shortly after, two of my nieces, one of sister B's daughters and one of C's daughters, both adults at the time, both posted an anti-trans video from Ben Shapiro on Facebook. I posted that I was disappointed with the nieces, given that my child is trans, and caused some tension in the family with me getting the impression that many thought I was the bad guy for confronting the nieces. So for the sake of family harmony, I've kept my mouth shut and my thoughts mostly to myself. Given the intervening 7 years or so, with the recent focus of Republicans on anti-trans legislation and demonizing LGBTQ+ folks as groomers and pedophiles, perhaps that wasn't wise on my part. During that time, my child has had to see sister B's son-in-law, husband of the niece that posted the Ben Shapiro video and an armed law enforcement officer (and self-proclaimed devout Christian husband and father), post on Facebook that he was use any means at his disposal to protect his wife and daughter if he ever caught a transwoman come near them. One of my cousins regularly posts the most disgusting anti-trans comments/jokes on Facebook. And Indiana, the state where many of my family still lives, is now ranked as one of the worst in terms of active anti-trans laws in the nation, in a second tier with a lot of other red states that all seem to be vying to be the next Florida as the absolute worst.
Which brings us to now. We're having a family get together in July, in part as an early celebration of my mom's 80th birthday. All of my kids are planning to attend with their significant others, including my trans son and his trans boyfriend. It doesn't sound like C's daughter will be there, but B's daughter and son-in-law will be there. I've mentioned in texts to my sisters that my son and his partner will be there, and mentioned it to my mother on a phone call. But I'm worried that someone will say something offensive to or around my son and/or his partner. And frankly, I'm rather P.O.'d about keeping my silence for the past 7 years while things for the LGBTQ+ community have deteriorated, with the implicit, or even sometimes explicit, help of some of my family members. Do I give them the benefit of the doubt and the chance to prove me wrong, keep my mouth shut, and just show up and hope for the best behavior from these family members? Do I speak up about my concerns to my parents? Or will that decrease their enjoyment of what should be a festive family occasion for them? Or do I speak up to my sisters about my concerns and hope that they'll keep their kids in line at the risk of all of them thinking I'm a woke whiner?
My child came out as transgender in 2016. After telling our family, one of my sisters, C, who still lives in our hometown in Indiana and is an evangelical Christian, sent my wife information from Focus on the Family, which is strongly anti-LGBTQ+. We ignored it. Shortly after, two of my nieces, one of sister B's daughters and one of C's daughters, both adults at the time, both posted an anti-trans video from Ben Shapiro on Facebook. I posted that I was disappointed with the nieces, given that my child is trans, and caused some tension in the family with me getting the impression that many thought I was the bad guy for confronting the nieces. So for the sake of family harmony, I've kept my mouth shut and my thoughts mostly to myself. Given the intervening 7 years or so, with the recent focus of Republicans on anti-trans legislation and demonizing LGBTQ+ folks as groomers and pedophiles, perhaps that wasn't wise on my part. During that time, my child has had to see sister B's son-in-law, husband of the niece that posted the Ben Shapiro video and an armed law enforcement officer (and self-proclaimed devout Christian husband and father), post on Facebook that he was use any means at his disposal to protect his wife and daughter if he ever caught a transwoman come near them. One of my cousins regularly posts the most disgusting anti-trans comments/jokes on Facebook. And Indiana, the state where many of my family still lives, is now ranked as one of the worst in terms of active anti-trans laws in the nation, in a second tier with a lot of other red states that all seem to be vying to be the next Florida as the absolute worst.
Which brings us to now. We're having a family get together in July, in part as an early celebration of my mom's 80th birthday. All of my kids are planning to attend with their significant others, including my trans son and his trans boyfriend. It doesn't sound like C's daughter will be there, but B's daughter and son-in-law will be there. I've mentioned in texts to my sisters that my son and his partner will be there, and mentioned it to my mother on a phone call. But I'm worried that someone will say something offensive to or around my son and/or his partner. And frankly, I'm rather P.O.'d about keeping my silence for the past 7 years while things for the LGBTQ+ community have deteriorated, with the implicit, or even sometimes explicit, help of some of my family members. Do I give them the benefit of the doubt and the chance to prove me wrong, keep my mouth shut, and just show up and hope for the best behavior from these family members? Do I speak up about my concerns to my parents? Or will that decrease their enjoyment of what should be a festive family occasion for them? Or do I speak up to my sisters about my concerns and hope that they'll keep their kids in line at the risk of all of them thinking I'm a woke whiner?