Our church like others has taken up the practice of having a different kind of holiday ceremony on the Solstice or otherwise pre-holidays - a Christmas for those who are feeling sad or something in that bucket over the holidays. For many it's grief and loss, loneliness, or whatever else is causing the problem. I've never gone to this because I feel like somehow it would be inappropriate - here you have people going through some major suffering from the most difficult life events, and you're going to show up because the holidays are sad? Well, that's silly and vaguely offensive. Plus, given that it's not a cheery Christmas, the whole point being to avoid the false cheer people might feel compelled but unable to adopt during the season, I'd probably cry all the way through it and how does that help anyone?
Yet I also dread showing up at church tonight, again because I find myself prone to crying during the service and that's no good. I wish they had something like "cheerful, brisk Christmas service with uplifting carols", marked by the happy songs and some nice floral decor or even a bad Nativity skit, preferably with at least one live animal. Instead there is always a meaningful and thus sadness-inspiring sermon, a series of songs that stir up complicated emotion, a period of darkness with the candle-lighting, and so on. My husband and his family carry a lot of past grief and sadness from the holiday season that generally has to bubble up at this time, which means invariably things are difficult and feelings are hurt for some reason, and usually that means several people saying mean things to others in a kind of domino ripple effect. Both sides of the family are experiencing major grief this season and it's very hard - you want to provide support, but often it's easier for people to entrench or avoid. Everyone is cranky, nobody is pleased.
Normally church is an uplifting and intellectually productive experience. But at the holiday, going to church generally involves dragging people who don't want to be there, while feeling sad about people who cannot physically attend but would prefer to. It always involves fights about who is not wearing appropriate winter-weather garments. It always involves me feeling like crap because invariably, whatever I've done to prepare for the holiday is insufficient or viewed as further symptom of larger, ongoing inadequacies, so there is no sense of "warmth together with family" that doesn't come without a double edge. Every year I've been working intensely during the previous month, at least, and every year involves feeling totally unappreciated and failing because it's never enough, and you cannot control or determine other people's happiness by trying.
Anyway, the point is that the holidays, be it Christmas or other family-centric big holiday, are often a blue time for people, whether they're suffering immediate effects of loss and and grief or whether other reasons generally prompt sadness at this time. And while it's nice that churches try to respond to this, there's also not much way to respond that can fix it. So, I hope those of you who also feel the sadness at this time at least know that it's a common problem, and if you feel the very Merry, at least know a lot of us struggle to match it and might not be capable.
Blue Christmas
Re: Blue Christmas
The times that I have been able to play at Blue Christmas services often feel more real than the extravagance of the day of services. Like one is the whole point of spiritual connection, and the other is a peacock preening for the guests who are visiting from out of town. They are both important in their own way, but I would much rather be supportive of the people who need it. (But don't get me wrong, I still want to get paid so I can, like eat and stuff. I'll sell out for the peacock pay check.)