An Exercise in Endurance

[Kyle]

Okay, I have a proposal. I've found a movie that's bad. Real bad. Not gross. Not violent. Just bad. Like The Room bad. BUT... and here me out... it's a movie I've been curious to watch for a long time. I found it for free on the internet (legally) and got five minutes into it and thought, "Oh god, I'll never finish this." BUT I WANT TO FORCE MYSELF TO!

I want to see if anyone is willing to do an exercise with me. After I've gauged interest, I'd like, over the next week or so, for whoever is interested to agree to watch this movie in their free time. You don't have to finish it. The exercise is to see how long you can tolerate it, and then at the end of the week we will all discuss our experiences with it.

Again- it's not gross or offensive or anything. It's just an awful movie. Anyone interested?

Also- please don't try to guess the movie. Once we know who's in, I'll reveal it. Before that, I won't.

[Tahlvin]

I'll give it a try.

[Kyle]

Yes! Who else?!?!

[Mike]

Yes.

[Kyle]

YES! We're a group of three at least! That's enough, but I'd love more! WHO ELSE?!?!?!

[Kyle]

Okay, I'm going to reveal the movie and anyone else that wants to join can still join.

We're watching the original Roger Corman Fantastic Four movie that was made in 1994 to retain the movie rights, but was never actually released. It's available for free on youtube here:



You have a week to watch it. I will open a discussion thread on Saturday the 13th. Please don't substantively discuss your experience until I open the new thread.

Anyone else that wants to join, just watch the movie before next Saturday and then participate.

[Kyle]

Y'all are both still on track for this, right?

[Tahlvin]

Thanks for the reminder. I've added this to my Watch Later playlist.

[Mike]

I'll have it done.

[Kyle]

I've approved it with the family that we're watching it tonight.

And by "we" I mean: no one else is willing to participate, so it will just be me.

And by "watching it" I mean, they're making me go to my room to stream it so they can watch something good on the big screen.

[Mike]

This movie in 1994 marks exactly halfway between Howard the Duck and Tobey Maguire's Spider-Man. It is 4 years before the release of Blade, the first decent Marvel film IMO.

I'm dreading this.

[Kyle]

Watched it.

[Mike]

I'm at the 30 minute mark. This is doable.

[Kyle]

I'll reserve my comments until everyone has seen it or Saturday, whichever comes first (no point in waiting if we've all three gotten as far as we're going to get).

And to clarify- I did watch the whole thing.

[Tahlvin]

I've watched it.

[Mike]

I have seen the entire movie.

[Kyle]

So? Thoughts?

[Tahlvin]

Crappy special effects and corny dialog, it seemed more like a B sci-fi/fantasy movie from 1984 than from 1994. It wasn't the worst movie I've ever seen, but that's about the most praise I can give it. It was weird seeing The Boy Who Could Fly/Bug from Uncle Buck as Johnny Storm. Flame On!

[Kyle]

I said to my wife- "It's like if you watch Mighty Morphin Power Rangers on a Saturday and this came on right after it, you'd think they were made by the same people."

[Tahlvin]

Agreed.

[Mike]

Yes. I had all sorts of notes about acting and consistency and the weird cartoons villains. I felt like I was watching something written in the form of a comedy but without any actual jokes. And then I FINALLY realized: oh, it's just a cheaply made bad kids movie.

It sucked.

[Phoebe]

I want to do this and I'm jealous of your misery. Sadly I have about 10 minutes at a time to watch a show these days. Boo.

[Kyle]

Yes. I had all sorts of notes about acting and consistency and the weird cartoons villains. I felt like I was watching something written in the form of a comedy but without any actual jokes. And then I FINALLY realized: oh, it's just a cheaply made bad kids movie.

It sucked.

Yeah- i was prepared to take notes on weird choices like- "What's with the suspicious guys playing chess when they come out of class in the first scene?" But then it was just so bad that I didn't care. It's not even ironically bad like The Room, it's just a thrown together piece of crap made by people that don't care. You hit it on the head, Mike- it's a badly made kid's movie.

[Mike]

Fortunately, I came to my realization really late in the game, so let me post my copious notes up to that point:

Comet with a 10 year orbit?

What does travelling at light speed have to do with shit?

Creepy child romance

Ben's weird burn bandages (burns soaked through somehow)

Nefarious Latverians playing chess

Old diamond thief pops up from sewer (the penguin)

All the villains are from a kids comedy

Reed's gray stripes look ridiculous

Music is horrible

Hasn't seen the Storms in years, but they are both trained astronauts now?

How long is Alicia going to stand there fondling those heads?

Alicia is blind and standing quietly in her own house. How does she not hear the maneuverings of the half dozen goons coming to kidnap her (and WHY her?)

Thing sounds like Patrick Star

The bald doctor convinced me. This was definitely written in the shape of a comedy, but without any jokes

No! It's just a straight up kids movie!! A bad one!

An atomic splitter? You mean fission reactor?

Doom's expressive gloves are killing me

Yes! Outrun the laser!

He wore his super suit to his wedding?!?!

[Tahlvin]

Ah yes, the supersuit at the wedding. And that hand waving out the sunroof of the limo!

[Kyle]

Ah yes, the supersuit at the wedding. And that hand waving out the sunroof of the limo!

As I watched that hand, all I could think was:



And did anyone think that the Jeweler was actually the Mole Man for the first half of the movie? Just me?

How long is Alicia going to stand there fondling those heads?

I saw an interview with some famous blind tik tok influencer who was asked about the whole "Feeling someone's face to see what they look like." And she laughed and laughed and laughed. She said that blind people don't do that and it's incredibly ableist to assume that blind people need to "see" your face at all. But then she said that she's pranked people before by telling them she needs to do it to them. Because it's that funny.

Also- I'm convinced that half the budget of this movie was spent on the Thing's face. I was actually impressed with the animatronics used to give him expressions and such. But then it was coupled with a 50s-Kaiju-quality rubber suit body.