Nerd Pride Cookbook

[Phoebe]

Most of you probably know this already, but my public service announcement is that Impossible Burgers may be grilled upon a grill - straight from frozen package - in exactly the same way that a hamburger would. They're absolutely delicious and perfect off the grill - the best one I've had so far.

[poorpete]

We got ourselves a chromebook, which is perfect for recipies and videos so far. My first success was in the egg department. I know how to make omelets and scrambled eggs. But then I watched a video on more egg prep and have moved onto once-over-easy (which I prefer to sunny-side-up, as I prefer my yoke barely runny) and I've had good success with poached eggs recently.

Poached eggs, ala youtube video.

Bring pot to light boil.
Add 1.5 tbsps of apple cider vinegar.
Swirl the water to try to create a vortex.
Drop egg into vortex
Wait 4 minutes
Take egg out with slotted spoon.
Lightly season with salt and pepper
Eat.

Anyone do it differently? We also got these silicone egg cups that supposedly make this easier and allow multiple eggs at once, but I kinda like the center pot, one-at-a-time way for now.

[Phoebe]

I've never really landed on a method that works but I'm looking for a good tool. I started off with little egg trays in a specialized poaching pan but they were too hard to clean. Very annoying. The vinegar helps with this, as does a little butter, but I don't like the vinegar taste/smell with the eggs. So then we tried this device you put in the microwave, having floated the egg in a little cup of water, and 2 minutes in the microwave is enough to poach it. But then the lid got slightly disconnected and bent over time so after 6 months of perfect eggs it was over! Looking for a better version of that device, maybe. I love poached eggs. My mom makes perfect poached eggs without the vinegar but for some reason I can't get it like hers.

[Mike]

It has been a long time since I've eaten cheapass, 12-bricks-to-a-box ramen noodles. We always have them in the house, and the kids have them on the regular, but I just don't touch them. Until the last couple weeks.

Plain ol chicken flavored ramen is wonderful! Not healthy, I'm sure, but solid tasty comfort food. But then I decided to mix it up, and my kids think I'm a culinary genius:

Cook and drain noodles. Mix in a spoonful of peanut butter, a spoonful of chili paste, and the flavor packet. So good! Ill take any chance for spicy peanut butter pasta.

Cook and drain. Then throw them in a frying pan with a couple eggs, some diced bacon, and the flavor packet. Cook til the eggs are scrambled. Serve with hot sauce. 10 minute tasty breakfast.

Last one, we were gonna do eggs again, but we were out, so instead I scoured the fridge. Cook and drain. Dice some beef sticks and fry quickly. Add noodles, flavor packet, a little butter and milk and shredded cheese. Kids were shocked at how good it was (I didn't happen to try that one myself).

I remember being in my 20's and making Mac n cheese with ramen. Mixing it up with spices and sauces. Trying all sorts of things--some better, some worse, but all edible. It was nice to share the joy of improv ramen with my sons.

[Phoebe]

Improv ramen is a lot of fun! Once I was able to obtain shin ramen I banished all that other s*** from the home and now I can add sauces and all kinds of vegetables or eggs or shrimp or whatever to make more interesting ramen. Since I usually use one packet of seasoning for two servings of noodles, the leftover packet then gets used to make a spicy pasta sauce for regular pastas. With Parmesan cheese. This is surprisingly good. I can't eat too much of it because my goal is to eat mostly vegetables and ramen unfortunately is not a vegetable.

[Phoebe]

"deep" brand foods, which is really spelled something like DE3P on the logo, makes a 4-pack of frozen masala dhosas that are a couple of hundred calories each, heat up quickly in a skillet, and cost less than $3 for the pack. If you can get your hands on these do because it's a $3 lunch for two people and they are amazingly good! Not as good as getting a masala dosa in a restaurant or homemade but the best I can do in this quick way, and delicious.

[Phoebe]

Ok, now for a recipe:
I'm erasing this recipe for pickled radish because I made it again and got terrible results and I feel like I need a better recipe before I can sit with one.

[Phoebe]

Don't forget you can make a tater tot waffle. That's all. I found that in my time of total stress, there was a bag of tater tots and it's so much better when pressed into a waffle iron and topped with an egg over easy.

[Phoebe]

Completely changed my method of making ribs recently and was really happy with the results! It's no substitute for a smoker but it's really good for a quick and dirty way.
Racks of ribs also have been a lot cheaper than other kinds of meat lately, so I started doing this because I needed a way to get it done quickly without going out into the heat to grill.
The first essential is to peel the skin off your rack of ribs - this step is absolutely necessary and I think you get a crap product if you don't do it. It's a lot easier than it looks as well - just slip a small knife under that shiny skin and start going and it will come right off - even a steak knife can do this just going around the edges and the middle piece isn't really attached.
Once you get the skin off you sprinkle all over with a dry rub and press it into the meat.
I am working in a hurry so my dry rub is just cracked black pepper and salt and garlic powder and a little ancho chili powder. Not a super thick coating - just enough to sprinkle it all over the meat on both sides and press it in gently.
Then you get a really big piece of foil - you either want good thick foil or double up/fold in two if you have a thin foil. You need enough to wrap all the way around, sealing the rack. Lay this on a long cookie sheet and set your ribs in the middle.
Then you put your oven on to 400, and when it gets close to that point, drizzle some moist barbecue sauce all over one side of the rack - just enough to get a little bit onto each rib but not so much that it's going to ooze everywhere or make a thick coating - and then seal up the foil tightly on top.
Let this sit in the 400° oven for 15 to 20 minutes, which will cook it really thoroughly, and then turn down the oven to 300 and let It go for about 90 minutes to 2 hours.
Keep it completely sealed tight so that it's steaming itself within that foil.
At the 2-hour point the meat should be just falling off the bone tender and completely infused with the flavor of whatever you used for your dry rub and sauce.
At this point I don't even bother dipping it in more sauce but of course you can if you like the moisture.

[Phoebe]

In an effort to replicate an aspect of the Hu-Hot experience in a cheaper, more convenient home version, we have turned to this madness:

Cook one pack of your normal preferred pasta.
In your saute pan or stir-frying pan or wok, add a few tsp oil and then hit it with 1 tsp of minced garlic and a 1/2 tsp grated ginger (powder works too). Let this sizzle gently on med-low - you just want the flavor to come out, not to burn it. Then add sambal oelek to taste (couple teaspoons?), oyster or fish sauce (a tsp), and black bean sauce or other stir fry sauce if you have it (a few tsps).
Before turning up the heat, add about 1/3 of a can of black beans and about 12 oz of chopped faux crabmeat like the kind they serve at HuHot - then crank up the heat to med or med high (depends on your pan - you want it hot but not so hot that you're at risk of burning the sauce), then sprinkle around a few tsp cooking sherry or wine if you have it, and a few tsp tamari (or your preferred soy sauce) and let all of this cook as hot as you can (no burning!) for a few minutes, stirring it around quickly.
If the liquid you add becomes mostly absorbed or cooked off, add a little more - this is the tricky part, as you should see moisture coating all the beans and krab and you should have a some extra sauce, but you don't want it to be watery or have the contents sitting in a runny puddle - if there's too much liquid, keep the heat up high until some steams off.

[The best way I have found of adding liquids is to squirt them out of a dollar store plastic bottle with a pointy tip, like the generic red ketchup or hot sauce container you see in some restaurants, or the smaller version of those big squirt bottles they have at the HuHot or other hibachi type places. After seeing everyone else on earth using these bottles I finally started using them and there is no going back. You finally have control and convenience in immediately adding the liquids you need on the spot - most of what I cook on the stove is a sauteed veggie or fish and this method is the only way. You have an oil blend bottle, a water (which can be a mix of water and cooking sherry or other fluids - watery stuff), a hot sauce, and then the oyster sauce comes in this type of bottle from the start.]

While this bean and krab mingling is happening, you will need to add the pasta to your boiling water at some point and keep an eye on the clock for that. Probably your fake crab is done just before your pasta is done, so you can turn it to low while draining and tossing the pasta. Ideally if you have room, put some pasta in the pan and stir it around to soak up your krab sauce.

This recipe may seem too simple and obvious to post but there is something bizarre and magical about this basic combo of black beans, fake krab, and a spicy Asian-inspired sauce on top of pasta.

[Phoebe]

Revelatory experience with Gravy:

Made roast. Everyone was ready to eat. The plates were being passed. GRAVY, GRAVY, GRAVY! they all shouted, menacingly! Not exactly like that but we're getting an ambiance here. I am not the greatest at gravies, historically, due to impatience and improvisation tendencies. I was desperate.

I scraped every bit of the drippings into a shallow, wide saucepan. I quickly strained out the big chunks with a slotted spoon, while turning the burner to HIGH!!! URGENT!!! 11!!! I poured most of a big can of beef broth in with the drippings, saving about 1/2 cup to mix (whisking with fork) with about 3 TB cornstarch. The roast already had been bathed and pressed with kosher salt and pepper, so its drippings were super salty and no further seasonings were needed. Poured in the cornstarch, let the mixture continue to come to boil on a slightly lower heat (like 7/10). It boiled. After about 1 minute of boiling, it magically thickened. I turned off the heat and splashed it with a splot of red wine. It was ... the best gravy ever.

[Kyle]

Awesome. Gravy is tough.

[Phoebe]

Okay, this recipe is fun and useful to have in your back pocket when leftover mashed potato is available. You can also bake a couple potatoes and mash their contents - my grandma used to do it this way sometimes.

LITTLE HOOVES (dumplings):
2 cups mashed potatoes
1 cup flour, plus a bit for hands and rolling surface
1 egg
a little kosher salt (or more if using sea salt) and pepper
something to cook it in - broth, soup, stew, butter, oil, or some combo of the above
maple syrup if you roll that way, and I do
optional cornmeal flour to roll it in if you want

The above list is not too fussy - if you have a little less potato, it won't hurt anything. If your potato is a little more or less moist on a given day, you may need more or less flour. Go with texture and not the recipe measurement. Two cups potato yields enough dumplings that, when spread out with a little space between in an 11-12" skillet, you will need to make exactly two batches. If you have less potato, no problem. If you have closer to 3 cups you will need 2 eggs and more flour. The potatoes should be cold and the egg can be cold as well - don't need to warm it to room temp.

Plop @ two cups of leftover mashed potatoes in a bowl. I did these today from 12/25 potatoes so they had been sitting around and were moist, but not too much. It also helps if you don't destroy your mashed potatoes with tons of milk/cream/sour cream/cream cheese or whatever you use to originally prepare them. However, the people who say you have to have unadulterated potatoes for this recipe are LYING. I think they know better yet for some reason are lying to us! Why? Normal mashed potatoes work fine, but you get the best results with potatoes that are not lumpy but simply have been mashed with a little dairy and not obliterated into a whipped dairy concoction. Garlic or seasoning in the potato is fine. If some liquid has separated off from the potatoes while they were sitting in the fridge, great - pour it off, shake it off, or otherwise get rid of it.

Make a little hole in the middle and crack an egg into your potatoes. Whisk or fork-whisk the egg vigorously (you want to get air into the eggwhite) and then stir it gently into the potatoes until well combined. No big lumps of potato that haven't been touched by egg, in other words. Gently stir in about 1/2-3/4 cups flour and see if this is enough to form a cohesive dough. Do not beat the flour - ideally you want to pat the flour softly into the potato/egg mix so that the gluten never even begins to awaken. The gluten doesn't even know it has been taken out of the flour container yet and doesn't hear about it until hitting the cooking pan!

Continue adding flour and softly mixing/folding it in until a dough ball forms and is able to adhere to itself. For me, this took a little more than a cup of flour, and then I needed more for rolling, so I used about 1.25 cups total. Completely depends on the moisture content. You should cover your hands with flour and roll with them, NOT with other implements, but you do need a smooth, clean, wide surface to roll on. Could use parchment paper or a super clean countertop if you don't have a wide pastry mat or board. This is the super fun part and it's also fun for kids! Have the kids do it if you don't like dough hands. The dough should feel soft but adhere together without any difficulty, gooey stickiness, or crumbling apart. If you shoved your hands into it, they'd come out completely goo-covered, but keeping hands lightly floured and rolling on the top of the dough should be enough to limit mess to a light, thin coat of gunk. If you're getting thick gunk, go back to more flouring before you roll.

Roll the dough like playdough or soft modeling clay until you form a long tube about an inch thick. It should land in width somewhere between big cigar and cooked breadstick, but will probably be a foot long or maybe more. This is not an exact science. The recipe is called Little Hooves because they will look like the little hooves of a prehistoric horse when you start forming the dumplings. With your fork held at an angle, separate off pieces of dough about 3/4 inch wide. The first one will be roughly triangular, but after that you'll be producing a slightly elongated diamond shape - indeed, a HOOF shape. The hoof of a tiny prehistoric horse. My grandpa used to tell me that these were pickled pigs feet and that's why they were small. I believed this completely.

While this is going on, figure out what you're going to cook the hooves in. Maybe you have a warm wintry chicken soup or beef stew, and the finishing touch will be to boil these dumplings on top for a few minutes? You can store them in the fridge either before or after rolling, until the moment you want to add them to your other recipe. You can also cook them alone. For a savory dumpling, add a half-inch of seasoned broth (any kind) to a wide skillet and let it come to a boil. Add the hooves and let them cook for a few minutes. You can either cook this down until you get a kind of gravy-consistency, and eat it that way. Or you can drain the liquid, add a pat of butter to the pan, turn the heat to med or med-hi, and finish off your dumplings by browning and crisping up their coats a bit in the butter.

For a SWEET dumpling, which you know is my way, forget all this nonsense about savory broths and stews. Put two pats of butter in the pan, or a little neutral oil with a pat of butter, get the pan med-hot, and let the dumplings cook a little bit on each side. The easiest way is to add them all at once and don't touch them for a few minutes (check to make sure your temp is OK and you're not burning them!), then flip them around until you see all golden-sides looking at you, wait another couple minutes, and then spend a few minutes gently rolling them in the pan in hopes of getting a little golden-brown coating on all the surfaces. If you see a pale surface, use your fork to just flip it over and let that white part cook in the butter. You may need more butter so they don't stick, but don't go wild because you don't want greasy dumplings. The optimal oil is just enough to make them golden and no more. If you have added too much, you probably should dab the finished product with paper towel. At this point since you're living life to the fullest and you're not interested in savory potato dumplings, pour maple syrup on the whole thing. Syrup cut with molasses is also acceptable because the potato will stand up to it well. However, do not put corn syrup on this because that's a travesty. If you don't have real maple syrup, stick with only butter or make a savory dumpling because corn syrup AIN'T RIGHT.

[Phoebe]

If we are what we eat, how much of us is a potato? I've been eating so many potatoes my whole life and the preferred delivery mode for the potato flows in waves. The current method is so superior. I still use other methods, such as roasting lengthwise sliced potatoes in lemon juice and spices, or just shoving them under a roast or a chicken, but this is the current hands down favorite. You've probably done this before - surely we've all done this before? But lately this has come to a pinnacle of absolute perfection through which flavors and textures of a perfect food come forth!

Put a big pot of water on the stove to boil and salt it liberally with kosher or sea salt. This is essential because you need the opportunity to let the salt penetrate into the potato, and it's better if you add the potato to water that's already (closer to) boiling.
Sort through and clean some small potatoes, either the nice little bite size ones or a bag of reasonably small red or Yukon golds. Leave them in the peels, but take off unpleasant blemishes and such. You can chop some of them so they are uniform chunk sizes, but ideally you want most of them to remain in the jackets, so they can't be huge potatoes.
Boil these for maybe 15 minutes? To a point where they're not fully cooked but soft enough to smash. Drain, roll them out onto your cookie sheet or shallow pan, and smash them all down (can use fork, spoon, spatula, potato masher or whatever) so they're about 3/4 of an inch to an inch thick. Messy inexactitude is a desired part of the process. The potato will naturally form strange chunks and icebergs - you want all this to happen.
Then crowd them together in the center and drizzle them with your preferred roasting oil. I can't say enough about getting a little squirt bottle at the dollar store, the small, clear version of the type restaurants sometimes have in red and yellow for ketchup and mustard? Then you can make your own oil mix and squirt it on exactly where you want it. This one small change has immeasurably improved my whole cooking experience for many years.
I like to mix oils with high and low smoke points or different flavors, and I haven't found a bad combo yet. My go-to is half and half olive and avocado with about 15% sesame on top for flavor.
Then you have to season your potatoes. Another insight that seems trivial but turns out to be absolutely vital is to use kosher or sea salt and not regular table salt. In this way I was not well served by my initial cooking training. There was no kosher or sea salt involved. Everything was done with Morton salt. I am here to tell you this is not the way. The kosher salt will be saltier than the sea salt usually, so you have to experiment with your salt and know how salty it is.
Anyway, sprinkle your salt all over these potatoes along with whatever other seasonings you might like. A nice all-purpose Cajun seasoning is good, a little balti or adobo blend would give a different twist, or lots of ground black pepper!

Roast at around 400 or whatever is good for your oven until the potatoes are fork tender, golden, and starting to crisp a bit on the rough edges. Heaven.

[Mike]

Yes! Smash potatoes! At least that's what we call them. Sprinkle a little cheese on if you want vary up the seasonings and oils. Tasty!

[Kyle]

Yeah yeah. Gabe made me these a while ago and they're so good. They also cook up really well in the air fryer.

[Phoebe]

It's just magical. For such a long time I was eating baked potatoes and scalloped potatoes and other kinds of potato recipes, but the smashed potatoes are so easy and ... that crust! Those crusty little crusts!