Thankgiving--what are you eating?

[Mike]

So are you celebrating Thanksgiving in quarantine? Risking your health at a giant family reunion? Not doing anything special at all?

Whatever the case... what are you planning to eat?

[Mike]

We're staying home with just us and the kids. It's our usual meal: turkey, ham, mashed taters, broccoli and cheese, corn, rolls, cantelope, pumpkin pie. TONS of leftovers.

I'm excited though, because I'm brining the turkey as we speak, and I plan on actually basting, which I've never done. Mythical Kitchen did a video on dry brine vs. wet brine vs. nothing, and basting vs. not basting. By far, they all said wet urine plus basting was like a true turkey miracle. So we're trying it out.

[Kyle]

So our plan never involved anyone other than my wife and kids anyways, so we're doing the same tradition. Eschewing all regular Thanksgiving traditions, we decided 6 or 7 years ago that we would watch a five movie marathon and eat finger foods and appetizers through the whole thing. So cheese sticks, sweet and sour meatballs, deviled eggs, etc. As a gluten free vegan, I have to make my own stuff, but I'll be having hummus, an Indian smoky bean topping over gluten free bread, and Indian-spiced fried onion knots.

Over the years, a secondary tradition has arisen in the movies we have to watch. We always start with a movie starring the Rock, and we always have to end with a terrible Melissa McCarthy movie (which means one directed by her husband if we can find it). The marathon starts at 4 in the afternoon and usually wraps up somewhere between 2 and 3 in the morning. So it's a real test when it's 1:30 am and you need to watch an awful McCarthy movie that you have no interest in. Most of the family falls asleep, but I expect a couple to make it all the way through with me.

This year's lineup:

Jumanji: The Next Level
The New Mutants
Bill and Ted Face the Music
Tremors: Shrieker Island
Superintelligence

Superintelligence is directed by McCarthy's husband and is being released on HBO Max on Thanksgiving day, so it was meant to be. But even more grueling is that it costars James Cordsen (who I find insufferable) as an AI who chooses McCarthy to help him decide if he should save or destroy humanity. Hoo boy.

[Mike]

FWIW I've only seen Jumanji and Bill and Ted, but everyone in the family enjoyed both.

[Kyle]

Yeah- we try to pick movies we'll like, and then put a couple of awful ones at the end to see who's dedicated.

[Tahlvin]

We're staying home. Two of our three kids live at home, anyways, and the third will stop by for lunch, but that's the extent of it. Besides that, it'll be a normal-ish day.

[Eliahad]

Family zoom call day! In shifts, of course.

Then roasted winter squash salad, butter roasted salmon, mashed potatoes, and the pumpkin pie and bread I made yesterday!

Om nom nom nom nom.

[Kyle]

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

[Mike]

. By far, they all said wet urine plus basting was like a true turkey miracle. So we're trying it out.

I'm sorry. How did I say "wet urine" was the best way to cook a turkey and NONE of you called me out on it?

My suspicions have been confirmed: no one reads past the first paragraph of my posts. IF THAT!

That's it! I'm quitting the site!

fuckin spellcheck

[Eliahad]

Oh, I read it. But I knew you meant Brine...after a few moments of thought. Unless you pee on your Turkey, you weirdo.

[Eliahad]

You know what, no, if that's your kink, then more power to you.

[Phoebe]

I want to assure you I would have commented on this surprising use of urine, had I been able to create my account in time. Now I'm just disappointed that it was a far less daring brining strategy than it initially appeared.

[Tahlvin]

I read all your posts, Mike. I just don’t judge.

[Mike]

Mission accomplished!

[Eliahad]

So, uh, how was the pee turkey?

[Mike]

Pee-riffic!!

It was really good. The white meat was juicier and more flavorful. The boys were all consistently thrilled with it. Turkey is still not my favorite food, and I'm still not doing turkey except for special occasions (just Thanksgiving really). But it was good.

[Eliahad]

Did you, um, tell the boys it was pee turkey?

[Mike]

Of course! They helped make it.

[Kyle]

Now that Thanksgiving is over, you know what that means?

[Phoebe]

I don't know what I'm seeing here. Feel like I should go back to bed.

[Tahlvin]

Sounds good. Good night.