How awesome is DMDarcs?
Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2021 7:53 am
So awesome.
And it's his birthday. Happy Birthday, Pat!
And it's his birthday. Happy Birthday, Pat!
DMDarcs is so awesome!
DMDarcs doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is DMDarcs.
If you spell DMDarcs in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
DMDarcs breathes air … five times a day.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then DMDarcs roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
When God said, “Let there be light!” DMDarcs said, “Say Please.”
DMDarcs has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
If DMDarcs were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another DMDarcs and they both fought, they would both win.
The dinosaurs looked at DMDarcs the wrong way once. You know what happened to them.
DMDarcs’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
DMDarcs once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
If you ask DMDarcs what time it is, he always says, ‘Two seconds till.’ After you ask, ‘Two seconds to what?’ he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
DMDarcs appeared in the ‘Street Fighter II’ video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” DMDarcs replied, “That’s no glitch.”
Since 1980, the year DMDarcs was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
DMDarcs does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
DMDarcs does not sleep. He waits.
There is no chin behind DMDarcs’ beard. There is only another fist.
The chief export of DMDarcs is awesomeness.
DMDarcs recently had the idea to sell his pee as a canned beverage. It’s now called Red Bull.
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? DMDarcs.
On the 7th day, God rested … DMDarcs took over.
DMDarcs can dribble a bowling ball.
DMDarcs drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
DMDarcs’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
If you want a list of DMDarcs’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
DMDarcs has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
DMDarcs once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
DMDarcs does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. DMDarcs can pee his name into concrete.
DMDarcs’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools DMDarcs.
DMDarcs counted to infinity… twice.
DMDarcs can speak Braille.
DMDarcs can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time.
DMDarcs can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
DMDarcs stands faster than anyone can run.
Once a cobra bit DMDarcs’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
DMDarcs once won a game of Connect Four in three moves.
Champions are the breakfast of DMDarcs.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for DMDarcs.
DMDarcs can slam revolving doors.
DMDarcs does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. DMDarcs goes killing.
The dark is afraid of DMDarcs.
DMDarcs can kill two stones with one bird.
DMDarcs can play the violin with a piano.
DMDarcs makes onions cry.
Death once had a near-DMDarcs experience.
When DMDarcs writes, he makes paper bleed.
DMDarcs can strangle you with a cordless phone.
DMDarcs never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
DMDarcs can build a snowman out of rain.
DMDarcs once punched a man in the soul.
DMDarcs can drown a fish.
DMDarcs once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
When DMDarcs looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters. Because not even glass is dumb enough to get in between DMDarcs and DMDarcs.
When DMDarcs enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
The only time DMDarcs was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
DMDarcs can tie his shoes with his feet.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with DMDarcs’s fist.
DMDarcs is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
DMDarcs used to beat up his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
There has never been a hurricane named DMDarcs because it would have destroyed everything.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with DMDarcs.
When DMDarcs does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
DMDarcs is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
DMDarcs doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
DMDarcs does not get frostbite. DMDarcs bites frost.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from DMDarcs.
DMDarcs spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep DMDarcs out. It didn’t work.
DMDarcs can get in a bucket and lift it up with himself in it.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. DMDarcs has 72… and they’re all lethal.
DMDarcs is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
DMDarcs doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
DMDarcs can divide by zero.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with DMDarcs. There were no survivors.
DMDarcs destroyed the periodic table, because DMDarcs only recognizes the element of surprise.
DMDarcs once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
When DMDarcs was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap DMDarcs.
When DMDarcs does division, there are no remainders.
It takes DMDarcs 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
DMDarcs proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren’t before his first space expedition.
DMDarcs once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
DMDarcs once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from DMDarcs.
DMDarcs had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
DMDarcs can sneeze with his eyes open.
DMDarcs can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
DMDarcs beat the sun in a staring contest.
Superman owns a pair of DMDarcs undies.
DMDarcs doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
DMDarcs can clap with one hand.
DMDarcs doesn’t need to shave. His beard is scared to grow.
Before he forgot a gift for DMDarcs, Santa Claus was real.
In an average living room there are a thousand objects DMDarcs could use to kill you, including the room itself.
DMDarcs invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
DMDarcs’s belly button is actually a power outlet.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about DMDarcs.
DMDarcs is the only man who can fight himself and win.
DMDarcs’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
DMDarcs can start a fire with an ice cube.
The flu gets a DMDarcs shot every year.
