Ask Coach Kyle

[Kyle]

Hi. I’m Coach Kyle, the varsity head coach of Oak Shoals High School. I’ve been coaching the Fighting Acorns for over twenty years. We’ve been to Division 3 State five times and we won it twice. I’ve learned a lot about football and life and I’m here to help you with any problems you might have. Think of me as a 50-year-old Dear Abby who is also a varsity football coach that’s won State twice.

[Stan]

Hey coach, I've trying to find a way to get my wife to declutter without me coming off as nagging. Any tips or drills you can recommend?

[Kyle]

Hey coach, I've trying to find a way to get my wife to declutter without me coming off as nagging. Any tips or drills you can recommend?

Hey sport, this is a problem as old as time itself. As long as folks have been getting together, they’ve been stewing about how to get their teammate to do something the teammate might not want to do. As in most situations, approach it with a compromise- tell your partner that you want to organize one of the problem-rooms, but you don’t want to put her stuff in the wrong place. Ask if she has time to work with you on it. If she says Yes- mission accomplished and use this as a time to grow closer together. If she says No- then ask her for guidance on how you can do it yourself. But also make sure that, before you approach her, you’ve got a clear head. So I want you to run three laps then stretch for 10 minutes before you talk to her. Good luck, sport.

[Phoebe]

How can I get my family to eat more vegetables?

[Kyle]

How can I get my family to eat more vegetables?

Coach gets it, and obviously you do too. Good nutrition is the key to good health and good health is the key to good performance on the field. There are two roads you can drive down here. The first is to convince them to feed themselves more vegetables. Explain the nutrition and importance of a balanced, plant-heavy diet. Is it the taste or texture they object to? 99% of that can be addressed by different preparations. But the best path to success is to convince them that this is something they ought to do for themselves.

Coach knows, though, that sometimes kids can be more stubborn than a opossum on a grub pile. Most folks would tell you to try to "sneak" it into dishes, but Coach doesn't like dishonesty and would only use this as a last resort. Instead, try to make it a fun activity. Let them find a fun or unique vegetable preparation and then you work together to prepare it. Or try rewarding the stubborn ones- if they eat a serving with each dinner, they can pick out a meal to eat the following week. If nothing else works, move to a vegan diet and only prepare vegetables. People won't starve. They'll eat.

So I really want you to think about what would work best for your family. I want you to do a one-hour session of yin-yoga and let your mind settle on the best approach. Namaste and good luck.

[poorpete]

Hey Coach K, I'm trying to leave this party and saying goodbye to friends but my mortal enemy is near the exit. How should I evade this opponent? Or should I show polite manners and give salutations?

[Kyle]

Hey Coach K, I'm trying to leave this party and saying goodbye to friends but my mortal enemy is near the exit. How should I evade this opponent? Or should I show polite manners and give salutations?

Before Coach can answer your question, what Coach wants you to do is to reexamine your outlook on this "mortal enemy." That's a mighty strong term for someone. When you harbor hate in your heart, it burns away at your character. There's no place for that in a healthy athlete. Do you have opponents? Yes. Do you have adversaries to your objective? Yes. Do you have "mortal enemies"? Only if you let that toxicity fester in you. What you see as a "mortal enemy" is just someone that's got their own win-objectives that run counter to yours. They're playing the same game you are. We respect our opponents and their worth. We don't tear them down with hostility and anger. You're better than that, kid. Coach doesn't want to be hearing anymore of this negativity. Get in a good, deep stretch and then run three miles on the track. You need to clear your head and then come back and ask Coach your question without all that negative horse hockey.

[Mike]

Hey Coach, my body's been changing a lot lately, and I'm starting to grow hair in weird places. Am I a werewolf?

[Kyle]

Hey Coach, my body's been changing a lot lately, and I'm starting to grow hair in weird places. Am I a werewolf?

Oh buddy, no worries. You're not a werewolf, although Coach knows you know this. I'm going to level with you, growing old is tough. After 45, people start growing weird, wiry hairs all over the place that they don't expect. Your nose. Your ears. Your eyebrows can have an entire hairstyle of their own. The first thing Coach wants you to know is this: it's normal. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Go through history books and look at pictures of famous people- Einstein? Hair everywhere. Go look at pictures of your own folks in their later days- you'll see it. So Coach thinks you should look at this change as a mark of pride- evidence that you've experienced so much that you can be proud of. But that said, if it bothers you, then get it trimmed. Tweezers or wax strips can work wonders removing unwanted hair, and there's no shame in that either. Now Coach wants you to show these young 'uns that you've still got it, bud! Go give me three sets of 15 burpees and feel good about where you are in life!

[poorpete]

Hey Coach,

My son, a great athlete with straight-As, got passed over (pun, sadly, intended) for high school quarterback even though local journalists deemed him the better pick. Instead the position went to the coach's own son! A son who only recently was accused of cheating on a test (the teacher later called it a "misunderstanding" after a private meeting with the parents). Trouble is this coach is highly regarded in our community, putting our small town on the map having won state twice (even though not in the last decade). How do I confront, in a productive way, this coach, coach?

Sincerely,

Max in Maple Ridge

[Kyle]

Hey Coach,

My son, a great athlete with straight-As, got passed over (pun, sadly, intended) for high school quarterback even though local journalists deemed him the better pick. Instead the position went to the coach's own son! A son who only recently was accused of cheating on a test (the teacher later called it a "misunderstanding" after a private meeting with the parents). Trouble is this coach is highly regarded in our community, putting our small town on the map having won state twice (even though not in the last decade). How do I confront, in a productive way, this coach, coach?

Sincerely,

Max in Maple Ridge

Max- Wow. Coach gets it. Old coaches are sometimes desperate to find their "old glory" and, it pains me to say this, but justify their own continued employment as a past-his-prime coach. I remember going into last season, I myself was worried if I'd lost a step, not having won a state championship in over ten years. But I went back to basics, remembered my core principles and drilled those players hard. And that's why we won state last year. But can every Coach do what I did? Absolutely not. I don't know what I would do if I had one of my children on my team (Mrs. Coach and I only have daughters and none of them were interested in trying out no matter how much I offered). But I'll be honest with you- bad coaching happens. Bad actors take bad acts. And without knowing the "Rest of the Story" (as Paul Harvey, God rest his soul, would say), its sounds like that's what you're dealing with. You're going to have to sit down with your son and make hard decisions. Do you want to "do the right thing" and make an appropriately huge fuss over this injustice? If so, there's consequences and fall out (some of which will be unfair and inequitable) that you'll both have to deal with. Or do you decide to go to intramural play outside the school and not subject yourself to the grief and stress of fighting the good fight? I can't answer that question. And neither can you. Only you, your son and your close family can decide that. I think all of you should take a camping retreat with a ropes course, something with a lot of team building and trust creation activities. Bond together and then really discuss what you want to do. Coach is confident that together y'all will make the right choice.