Limiting Your Social Media

[Kyle]

I live in Trump Country. We're a rural Texas County that reliably votes 70% for every republican on the ticket. My neighbors also have a racism problem.

A teenager down the street left a $600 rifle sitting in the passenger seat of his unlocked pickup truck. Apparently in the middle of the night, someone opened the door and stole it.

In a County that is over 90% white and a majority of the population living under or near the poverty line, I would assume that someone saw this rifle in the truck, new it was always there, and decided to try the door one night and took it. I would also assume, although this might not be correct, that the person who took it was someone that knew the teenager- one of his friends, or a friend of one of his friends.

But if you follow the local social media groups here, apparently we're being invaded by Mexicans that have no morals and are just willing to steal (Or worse!) anything because they have no respect for "proper" society.

I only know this because my wife follows all these groups and saw all the comments. I, however, made the life choice to stop following anyone on social media except my immediate family.

And I've decided this has made me happier. I understand the sentiment that you want to know who the racists-- or the ignorants-- or the idiots-- or the bad people-- are. However, I also believe that if you look hard enough at anyone and know their innermost secrets, you can find some reason to hate them. I don't need to know my neighbor's political views because if I do, I find that I like them less. And they probably like me less for my views. But that does mean that I'm friends with racists-- or idiots-- or whatever. But I guess they think the same thing about me.

[Akiva]

I really should quit social media. It fucks with my psyche (or, as I see it, reminds me of how much of a fuck up I am).

But I'm weak. And I get some positives out of it--just not enough to counter the negatives.

[Kyle]

I'm so much happier doing what I'm doing. I'm a much less negative person now.

[Phoebe]

This is why I don't tweet! Reduced to aphorism, I know things won't go well. It's like putting knives in your hands and trying to dance with someone. Pete and Walter Shaub are the people I know worth following on twitter (if the rest of you are there, I remain blissfully unaware).

I still have some Trumpy social media friends. I like to understand how they think. I've had to get rid of numerous family members in this context, which has been really sad, but I'm actually glad that I know how deep MAGA they went, because then I don't have to have them in my home anymore, or give them money. This has been a serious consideration. Apart from that most of my friends are 100% sane, so it's not upsetting and even pleasant when they have a different point of view.

Normally, the relative superficial anonymity afforded on the internet makes me feel kinder and gentler, as it does here! It's a nice time, a playing with words, words with friends if you will! Having fun, like chatting at a cafe.
Debate with names attached? The fully pious, annoying, Grim AF Kantian moralist in me appears.
The great irony: the way I Feel about this is the direct opposite of the way it is Received by others. People with whom I'm shooting the breeze have tended to be profoundly annoyed and offended; I am the queen of being blocked and reviled by people to whom I bore zero ill will and even found charming. Meanwhile, people I'm being 100% serious with think I'm a stupid harmless dummy, while I'm busy writing down their name on the warning:nazi list and figuring out where I risk running across them irl in this very small world. I have a page of names that have uttered the phrase heels-up... or suggested certain things about her. Maybe they're joking but if I have to fight them I want to know who they are.

[Phoebe]

Lol does this make me a negative person? Just because it's misanthropic doesn't mean it's negative.

[Mando]

I deleted my Twitter and done use FB except for family stuff....

[Phoebe]

Twitter is such a place of rage but the truly terrifying form of social media is that next door neighbor app. My God is that a window into the suburban life and mindset! A lot of wackadoodle angry dudes on that site, and the Karening! I'm not fond of that term because I feel like it's been co-opted for generalized misogyny purposes, but the Karen behavior on that site is fully out of hand and it's men, women, everyone. These people are up in everyone's business! They are enraged about everything having to do with snow, streets, dogs, doorbells, local businesses, politics, masks, guns, landscaping, traffic - you name it and the people are fully up in arms over it! They all have their real names and addresses on it so it's especially terrifying. You may be surprised to know that I have no Karening in me. I was raised by people who keep those thoughts private and wish to avoid conflict at all costs. They definitely have those thoughts; they just would never share them. That's how I feel. I will judge you but only privately. I'm definitely not calling the police on you. The only thing I'm likely to do is some performative work with dogs to communicate some important lessons to people who let their dogs run loose right up to my fence. I really don't want problems with other people's loose dogs. But I would never report people who did this! I just want to gently encourage them to stop doing it! There are people calling the police on their neighbors who have accidentally snowblown snow into the street. There are people tracking down every single person who goes door to door, sharing the photo and video and reporting these people to the police as well.

[Akiva]

I don't encounter too much of the vitriol and rage on Twitter, but it is still not good for me. I'm trying to cut down.

[FlameBlade]

Removed facebook from my phone. Used it to keep tabs on people for pandemic, but has now outlived usefulness. Now only spot checking from laptop time to time. Keeping twitter as it's a good pulse on wtf is going on.

[Phoebe]

I stopped using Facebook for a while and quickly discovered I had thereby erased most of my social life. It was the most cheerful sort of discovery, as you might imagine, like what kind of absolute loser is getting most of their social interaction with their friends via Facebook, even during the pandemic?! I'm thinking about other things I might do to keep in touch with my friends this summer that don't involve a computer. I don't really know. I miss my friends but I also feel like they are happy living without my intrusion into their lives. It's weird because after a year mostly away from other people you think you're totally normal but reading something like this objectively makes it sound... not normal. I was talking to my husband about how the pandemic has also completely reshaped my career plans and ambitions. I was like, why would I be doing these other things I was thinking about doing? I could just be alone most of the time, and if I can't be alone I could surely maximize the amount of time alone, right? This is one of the interesting differences between OCD and OCPD on top of it: a person with OCD recognizes that something is not going right and they don't like it, but they're not quite sure they can handle doing the things necessary to fix it. The person with OCPD is like, I am living my best life and maybe it's the rest of you who are confused. I think if we had to sum it up in a nutshell, we would say that during the 15 months now of living mostly isolated from other people outside the family, I have gone from moderate OCD to basic OCPD that is unlikely to change. My grandpa had this and I don't think it's the type of thing you can change easily. There are better and worse ways to do things, better and worse ways to live one's life, and people can either harmonize with that program or it is best to leave them alone, yes? But then I read this and I think, that doesn't sound right. Maybe you should attempt to be social even if you have to fake it.

[poorpete]

I don't follow politicians (apart from my governor) and so the only politics I get are from friends or people I follow, and I keep seeing this style of post getting retweeted onto my feed.

BREAKING: Jim Someguy was found to have done this thing which we all know isn't good.

RT IF YOU AGREE Jim Someguy be something something

Always starts with BREAKING:..., always ends with "RT IF YOU AGREE...." and I can't help but be irritated. At Jim Someguy and the group that is yearning for those sweet sweet clicks. I get it's good to educate me on crappy stuff going on, but I mostly see it as selling umbrage, and they'll do it every day forever.

[Tahlvin]

I completely stopped using Twitter months ago, and spend very, very little time at all on Facebook (the only reason I do that is because it's the only way to keep in touch with some of my cousins), and never really used any of the other social media apps. I must say, it's been fabulous. Not only do I have all that time to devote to other things, but my outrage meter isn't maxed out as much, and is much more targeted, than before.

[Mike]

I'm with Tahlvin. I actually use Facebook only when I have a picture to post. And I will occasionally reply to comments on pics I'm tagged in. It is the only social media I post on, and that is rare.

I have Snapchat because most of my kids post their life updates there, so I look at those.

That's it.

Life is better without the outrage machine.

[Phoebe]

Very true. I like Facebook for keeping up with family and friends, particularly during this time when it has been really hard to get together with people in person. My whole mode of being is incompatible with things like Twitter and Reddit, and interestingly, the same is true for many other people I've talked to at work or elsewhere in my line of work. The question is whether it says more about us or more about humans and while the prevailing sentiment is that it says more about us, and 3 years ago I would have agreed, the pandemic has taught me different. Hobbes was 100% right about humans.

[Akiva]

I need to stop looking at social media because I encounter people there that just wreck me. But I seem to be incapable of doing it.

[Mike]

Uninstall on all devices. It won't stop you from looking, but it means that when you DO want to look, it requires far more effort than just clicking one button. You can't just click out of habit or boredom. You have to make a conscious decision to spend five minutes reinstalling and signing back in before you can go look at things that you already know will make you feel worse.

[Akiva]

Good advice.