Life or Death Debate: Best Soda Pop

[Kyle]

Life or Death Debate: Choose the hill you want to die on over a completely inconsequential matter of opinion and defend your position as if the lives of your family depends on it.

The judges will score the round arbitrarily whenever they damn well feel like it.

Debate #3: What is the best carbonated, non-alcoholic soda pop?

[Tahlvin]

Mt Dew. C'mon, they have a cookbook for this drink that Mike and Aidan have been working through on their podcast. Not diet, not Code Red or any of the other flavors. Just good old Mt Dew. Do the Dew!

[Mike]

Coca Cola, from a soda fountain. The gold standard by which all Coca Cola fountains are measured is McDonald's Coke machines. They are the most consistent nationwide.

Coke is sweet, but not as sweet as most other popular non-diet drinks. The sugar, the acid, and the carbonation, all served over ice provide the perfect refreshing beverage for most situations.

[Eliahad]

Oh, it's Diet Dr. Pepper. We're just debating second place, really. And that's fine. We can do such.

[Phoebe]

Oh, it's Diet Dr. Pepper. We're just debating second place, really. And that's fine. We can do such.

Well hot damn if this man isn't 100% correct!
A tip of the hat and a fine morning to you, sir.

[Mike]

Let me tell you what's wrong with Diet Dr Pepper. It's a victim of its own popularity. And apparently the bottling companies can't figure out how popular it is so they can't get their distribution lines correct. It seems that every time I go to Walmart or HyVee or whatever there's a good chance that they're going to be out of DDP. But more than that, there's also a good chance that when they DO have it, that it's going to be over its expiration date and suddenly there's no sweetener left in it. Or at least no flavor left to the sweetener. And then I wind up with carbonated garbage. It's horrible. To paraphrase Inspector Praline "If people place a nice chocky in their mouth, they don't want their cheeks pierced."

Yes, a place can certainly screw up a fountain coke, but it's not as often as Diet Dr Pepper and even when they screw it up it doesn't taste like absolute shit; it's just a little off.

[Kyle]

Any soda from a fountain, particularly a fast food fountain, is too flat. The clear winner here is one that almost no one has tried: Dr. Pepper Zero Cream Soda. Now I understand that you're going to immediately reject this, but that's only because you haven't tried it. Do I like cream sodas? Absolutely not. But the buttery, vanilla flavor of a Dr. Pepper Zero Cream Soda is unparalleled. Until you've tried it, you are not allowed to have an opinion on it.

[poorpete]

I guess we're getting all the disgusting sodas out of the way early. I don't know why everyone's clearing the lane for my pick, but thank you!

My current pick is the one that helped me cut sugars, and caffeine, and unnecessary calories out of my diet, and keep me hydrated, and satiated by good taste, and happy as a child because it sparkles in my mouth, and that is Mandarin Orange Sparkling Water.

This is the clear winner but I assume judges will come in and declare it ineligible, because even though carbonation is key, sodas must be bad for you and taste terrible

[Kyle]

Until you've had a Dr. Pepper Zero Cream Soda, you cannot declare your soda better. That's ignorant. Try it first and then tell me I'm wrong.

[poorpete]

Kyle here thinking the judges are made of money. Go and buy a soda first? Didn't know there was a poll tax to participating in this.

[Mike]

Kyle, I've tried it. I've yet to find a prepackaged vanilla or cream soda variant of any major soda that I find to be better than the original.

[Kyle]

Kyle here thinking the judges are made of money. Go and buy a soda first? Didn't know there was a poll tax to participating in this.

Then you concede?

[Phoebe]

Didn't know there was a poll tax to participating in this.

LOL you're so wrong about that sparkling water but you should win a prize just for this. Poll tax, hee hee!

[Eliahad]

What is this electioneering, crap?! Kyle, you're better than this. Next you'll be saying that we're not eligible to vote in the district in which we live.

My non-contribution to second place is Mango Pepsi Zero Sugar. I had a Mango Pepsi Zero Sugar at the airport. It tasted like haribo peaches. Haribo peaches is, invariably, the best candy. Mango Pepsi Zero Sugar is not the best soda pop.

[Phoebe]

Until you've had a Dr. Pepper Zero Cream Soda, you cannot declare your soda better.

Your argument is faulty but I am nevertheless convinced that a cousin of the best soda (diet Dr pepper) could in fact be the best if it tasted like cream soda. Cream soda is really good, but I've never had a diet version that didn't taste like metal in a bad way. So if there was a way to get good diet cream soda, well! It wouldn't have the delightful je ne sais quoi of prune flavoring that gives Dr pepper its greatness, but it still has a really good flavor.
I'm open to suggestion on this point with respect to Hansen's sodas as well, because they're quite good. I just haven't been able to test them enough to see if one of them would actually overpower diet Dr pepper.

But the argument that you can't argue for what is best until you have tried every possible contender is both ridiculous and a species of a long history of failed arguments for rational hedonism.

The argument from scarcity is ridiculous because best things are often rare, but that makes them no less the best. Not to mention it's the kind of argument people are making as if their buddy Brandon is responsible for the supply chain. Do you want to be making that kind of argument?

[Kyle]

It appears you all conceding to me.

[poorpete]

This is like when Cheney was put in charge of picking Bush's Vice President.

[DMDarcs]

Until you've had a Dr. Pepper Zero Cream Soda, you cannot declare your soda better. That's ignorant. Try it first and then tell me I'm wrong.

You are actually correct on this one. The sugar-free aspect is very important, as most soda is too damn sweet. I hate having to drink non-diet sodas, but regular Dr. Pepper and the diet brands are very close to taste, the sweetness is tempered wonderfully. Dr. Pepper is full of a multitude of different flavors, so there's a little something in there for everyone. If you don't tlike Dr. Pepper, well, you don't have the fully formed palate required of a modern sophisticate. I used to think that the Cherry Vanilla variant was the best, but no, it as absolutely the Cream variety. There is literally something in this soda for everyone. Just like The Princess Bride.

[Mike]

So far, three people in this thread have tried Cream Soda Dr. Pepper Zero, and the opinions are 2:1. So if someone here (like me) has tried Lester's Fixins Hot Wing Soda and claims that it is absolutely unparalleled, that means that, assuming no one else has tried this niche soda, Lester's wins, because, of people who have tried it and are "allowed" to have an opinion, it ranks 100%. Do I have this right?

[Kyle]

Your opinion on Lester's has been deemed insincere.

[Mike]

I didn't give an opinion. I asked about a hypothetical in order to clarify the rules you are trying to enforce. But you know that, and your choice to dodge the question is telling.

Personally, I don't understand why you feel a need to resort to dictatorial, exclusionary tactics when your case is already so strong.

[Kyle]

So it appears you are conceding to me.

[Mike]

Diet Dr. Pepper is acceptable, but with a slight chemical edge (moreso than Diet Dr. Pepper) that I don't like.

Diet Dr. Pepper is far superior.

Fountain Coke (especially from McDonald's) is even better still.

But I'll accept whatever the judges decide.

[Kyle]

So far we have the following nominations:

Mountain Dew
Coke from a soda fountain
Diet Dr. Pepper
Dr. Pepper Zero Cream Soda
Mandarin Orange Sparkling Water

Nominations are closed!

The judges, which will be comprised of my children willing to participate (and which does not include me), will conduct blind taste tests and determine the winner. The judges will also be allowed to include their own nominations.

I will lock this thread and reopen it with the results.

[Mike]

I call bullshit. If there's going to be a blind taste test, then the panel should consist entirely of people who are exactly like me. Otherwise, it's biased.

[Kyle]

I call bullshit. If there's going to be a blind taste test, then the panel should consist entirely of people who are exactly like me. Otherwise, it's biased.

Ahem. The thread is locked, sir. Good day, sir.

[Mike]

It has been one whole week, and there's still no results from your bogus taste test? I suspect foul play! And none of your "oh I've been in isolation" crap either. I demand results!

[Kyle]

I got out of isolation two days ago, but they think I have post Covid pneumonia. I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon, and if they don't rush me to the hospital, then ill go by the store on the way home.

[Kyle]

Final results:

[Mike]

I'll accept it. Those are expert judges.

[Kyle]

After the statutorily-mandated cooling off period, I have decided to unlock this thread.

You may comment now.

[Mike]

How dare you?