The Mental Effects of Aging

[Kyle]

As I get older, I've come to realize the mental changes that I've gone through that-- I think-- make me a better person. Here's the two most important:

(1) Patience. I can't even begin to explain how much this has improved my quality of life. Is it because we've experienced more and realized that things don't happen immediately? Is it because I've become more complacent and instead of trying to make things happen, I'll do what I think I need to do and am more content to wait to see the outcome? I'm not sure. But as I've aged, I've come to realize that life is much easier if you're patient. A small example: is traffic bad? That's fine. We're all still going to get there. And it just gives me more time to listen to my audiobook. A larger example: an adult child that has made a bad decision that you advised against (after they asked your advice)? That's usually okay too. Just wait and see what happens. Maybe they prove your wrong and you learn something. Or maybe you're proven right and they will come to trust your advice more. Either way can be a good learning experience for someone.

(2) You can't make the world bend to your will. This is actually somewhat related to the first point. But when we're in our 20s (or at least when I was) I felt like I had a responsibility to change the world to make it a better place for the next generation. And don't get me wrong, I still feel that way to some extent-- we marched and protested for Black Lives Matters and when Texas essentially outlawed abortion. But now, instead of ranting to the "morons" to try to force them to change their minds through sheer willpower (which always failed), now I'm content to just be a good example to people. One example: my wife and I are atheists and have eight kids and are very influential in the central Texas homeschool community. We don't hide that we're atheists, but we don't actively push it either. Our goal is just to do good things, help people and hope they see us as good people (even though we're atheists). Another example: we run the children's section of the gay pride celebration in our very conservative, very pro-MAGA rural county. We're not out yelling at people about how they're homophobes or bigots. We're offering a peaceful event to show folks how people off all types are real human beings. Again, this lesson is similar to patience- it's about taking the softer approach, which takes more time, rather than trying to force change right away.

[Akiva]

I don't feel like I've changed that much except for getting more rigidly locked in my pathological ways of thinking.

[Mike]

I think Kyle is saying that as he enters middle age, he received the standard +1 bonus to intelligence and wisdom. I'm curious as to why he doesn't mention charisma. Kyle?

[Kyle]

Good point, Mike. My charisma score is unchanged. While I've become a more effective speaker as I've aged, my style has changed from less "boombastic" to more "let's have a good time, amiright?." So an 18 is still an 18. I know a lot of people complain about how it sucks getting older. And while the physical side of that is real, I find that the mental side of it is way better and outweighs the other effects.

[Phoebe]

In that sweet spot before the actual dementia! Or before it is noticeable, let's say. We need entirely new systems for dealing with this. The optimal condition seems to be a house in a neighborhood, remodeled to accommodate 6-8 dementia patients and two caregivers at any given time. Family and friends can drop in and out at most hours; common kitchen, dining, and living areas with each person having their own private small bedroom.

[Kyle]

In that sweet spot before the actual dementia! Or before it is noticeable, let's say. We need entirely new systems for dealing with this. The optimal condition seems to be a house in a neighborhood, remodeled to accommodate 6-8 dementia patients and two caregivers at any given time. Family and friends can drop in and out at most hours; common kitchen, dining, and living areas with each person having their own private small bedroom.

Have you seen those dementia communities they have in Scandinavia? Maybe it was Sweden? It's a whole community of tiny houses for people with dementia and a bunch of state-paid caregivers. It was really cool because it's a place where people with dementia can live and enjoy their lives without the unnecessary confusion and stigma that society normally puts on people with dementia.