This really disturbs me - my phone puts these things in front of me and I get distracted when I'm trying to do something else.
https://www.oregonlive.com/advice/2022/ ... riage.html
(Side note: the phone is really bad that way for anyone who is easily lured by glittery objects; it shocks me that we have not addressed this aspect of the phone's impact on mental health. We are letting companies build a business model around being able to effectively distract people who did not ask for this and for whom it might exacerbate real brain differences and issues. I wish I could somehow shut down the phone to its basic functions for one of my kids so that this wouldn't happen - if there is a way to fix your phone to aid better attention, let me know.)
Anyway, the point is I was shocked by this advice - I get that each person has to make a determination about what they are willing to accept or not in a relationship, but I could not even imagine ending that most serious level of commitment over something like this. I could see it happening over an addiction to alcohol and drugs that became seriously destructive and dangerous - those are things you simply cannot separate from the people around to experience the fallout. And I suppose second hand smoke would be this way if people were exposed to it, but if not, how does this get to the level of a deal breaker? I speak from experience having married a (temporary) non-smoker who went right back to being a lifelong smoker. It's really goddamn annoying but is it any different from anything else people do as an annoying habit? I don't think you could be in a long-term relationship with someone without uncovering at least one annoying habit, right? Probably many. And some of those habits, like those relating to nutrition, have an impact on health too. It's probably worse for me to be encouraged to cook and eat less healthy food, especially at this point in my life. It might be better to be with someone who smoked but wanted to do daily exercise together then somebody who did neither of those things. The point is I'm surprised by how flimsy people take a lifelong relationship commitment to be. Like if it was that weak, why did you bother? There is no ride or die for dear Abby I guess.