Another Hygiene Question

[Kyle]

To start with- yes, I now regularly wash my legs and feet. Previously, I would wash to my knees and stop, letting residual rinsed soap do the job. I now recognize through much shaming from family and close friends that this was gross. I now wash my legs and feet. So get off my back, germaphobes. Also, I only wash my hair about once a month (it will be more in the summer after swimming in the lake). I will not change that. I have short hair and it doesn't need to be washed regularly, if at all. Come at me.

But neither of those points are what I want to talk about. Let's talk about how good you have to scrub. As a kid, I scrubbed with a soaped up washcloth. I later came to learn as an adult that this is terrible for your skin and I stopped. I tried scrubbing with a loofa, but you should be replacing those every few weeks or they also form harmful bacteria. Also, most loofas are too harsh for your skin too. So now I just use a bar of soap (Irish Spring). I lather generously and scrub with my fingers and fingertips. Then rinse. That's it.

It has come to my attention that many people... ahem, most of my family... feel that if you don't "scrub" that you're not actually getting clean. However, I don't have body odor, nor do I appear dirty. Am I wrong? Is there a proper way to clean?

[Phoebe]

You need scrub only as much as required to cleanse the area. So if you've been out gardening you might need to use a washcloth and rub the dirt off. If you've been sitting around indoors clipping your nails, maybe spreading a little soap and water around by hand is perfectly sufficient.

[Mike]

Standards of cleanliness and hygiene vary wildly by culture. I am no expert and I don't judge mostly. My personal standard is that I don't want to smell, I don't want to appear dirty or greasy, and I don't want my body to be an environment that promotes the proliferation of germs. So normally, I don't use a washcloth or loofah to scrub. My hands and soap/shampoo are generally enough to clean the body, and then thorough brushing and flossing for the teeth and gums.

But I also have the privilege of living in a place where my tap water is clean and safe, my food is thoroughly inspected and pronounced safe. I have adequate nutrition and proper medical resources. And mostly, the amount of sweaty exertion I have on any given day is pretty minimal. I don't have to be as strict about "scrubbing", because my environment mitigates so many hazards for me anyway, and the times germs do get through, most stuff is easily treatable. I'm spoiled.

But more than any of that, I'm incredibly advantaged by being white. When I have an off day, and maybe I didn't shower today, maybe I've been working outdoors and I do smell a little, no one takes that as a moral failing on my part. It's just a guy having an off day and not a reflection on my entire race.People who don't have that advantage then might understandably be more particular and fastidious about their hygiene and appearance

[Phoebe]

"no one takes that as a moral failing on my part"

Lol I cannot really comment on this - I don't want to give succor to OCD tendencies but it cracks me up. I think you are correct to note the cultural differences and the way moralizing judgment about cleanliness can involve cultural prejudices. I laugh only because I know how vast and deep the moralizing judgment can be ... it's powerful! Maybe worth doing things to spite it, honestly.

[Kyle]

I asked a question about using a washcloth and Mike makes me feel guilty about not checking my white privilege.

FINE! I'll start using a loofa! Are you happy now, Mike?!?!

[Mike]

FINE! I'll start using a loofa! Are you happy now, Mike?!?!

No you won't.

[Kyle]

FINE! I'll start using a loofa! Are you happy now, Mike?!?!

No you won't.

I mean... come on, man. Can't you just let me have...

...no. No, sir.

I don't wash my hair! How often do you wash your hair, Sir Montague Moneybags?!?! Huh? Like every day, right? Probably use conditioner too, don't you, you spoiled, soft-haired, green tea-drinking, bougie hypocrite? Yeah! Yeah! You probably use 2 in one shampoo/conditioner, don't you? No you don't. That's not good enough for you. You probably use a 3 in one that includes fetal stem cells also! Don't you patronize me, Mike Jones. I'm on to you.

[Mike]

I wash my hair and beard daily with Suave shampoo. I use conditioner on my beard once a week. I wash with Ivory soap daily. And then I also put Gillette beard softening cream on every morning.

My beard is where I get all hoity toity to the extent that I do anything at all. Everything else is as basic as possible.

[Kyle]

Ponce.

[Mike]

Like de Leon, baby!

Drownin' in that Fountain o' Youth!

[Kyle]

I mean... can you check your white privilege just a little bit? You're like a Spanish conqueror that alienated indigenous people from their lands because he wanted to live forever? Not a good look, sir.

[Mike]

I said "drownin'". As in: "the fate the white European explorers deserved for their slaughter and exploitation of indigenous peoples." If my social commentary is too smart for you, I can dial it back.